Everyday With Zachary

Invoking and Revoking freedom all in 24 hours

2012-01-11T14:37:00.001-05:00

I'm one of "those" moms who doesn't let her child go in anyone else's home or backyard 99% of the time. Call it overprotective, strict, whatever...it's who I am and I make no excuses about it. With that in mind, Z has been asking me for several weeks why he can't go in Riley's backyard with the other kids on our street. I've been telling him it's simple..."I don't know her mom." Well he's offered to tell me the mom's name...umm not enough sweetie! So finally Monday evening, the inevitable happened. Riley's mom was home...I was home...Z realized we were both home...so I couldn't deny it and I went to talk to her. She is very nice and we agreed that Z could go in her backyard and jump on Riley's trampoline because she was supervising and only allowing two or three to jump at a time. I told him to walk home with Olivia (8 year old girl almost next door) when it started getting dark. I went back in the house and nearly cried because it was just surreal that I had to grant a new freedom. He came home when I called his name and all was well.

Fast forward to Tuesday...all Z wanted to do on the way home was talk about going to Riley's house again. I told him he wouldn't be going everyday, but I was okay with him going that day. I asked him if Riley's mom was home...he said yes and off he went riding his bike alongside Olivia again. I watched him all the way down the street...then when he disappeared behind the house, I went inside. About 20 minutes later I hear screaming coming from down the street...saw Z in Riley's driveway, asked if it was him, he said no...blah blah...5 minutes later I notice him walking his bike back up the hill to our house. I walked outside and asked him what he was doing....

Z: I just wanted to tell you I love you
Me: Aww that's sweet, I love you too....but what I was really thinking was...uh oh what's under that?
Z: and I wanted to tell you I'm sorry that I lied...
Me: Lied about what?
Z: about screaming...it was me screaming too, I'm sorry I lied mommy.
Me: okay, thank you for telling the truth...now why are you coming home...is Riley's mom really there?
Z: well no
Me: You should come inside right away.

So I went inside, counted to whatever number it took before he got in the door...sat him down face to face and asked him what the bigger lie was...that he screamed or about how Riley's mom was home when she really wasn't. He was very quiet, hanging his head...he knew he was wrong and I could tell he was wondering what I was going to do about it.

Me: You know the only reason I let you go play over there was because I knew Riley's mom was watching you and making sure you were safe, right?
Z: yes
Me: And you know that I put a lot of trust in you by letting you go somewhere without me, right?
Z: yes
Me: I would be so sad if something happened to you. It's not okay to go in someone's backyard when they are not home and it's not okay to lie about things just so you can do what you want to do. When you realized she was not home, you should've come home right away to tell me.
Z: Yes ma'am...so can I go back outside and ride my bike?
Me: No sir, you will not be going back out today and maybe not the rest of the week.

Z started crying and went upstairs...I could hear him sobbing in his bed, but more than that I could hear pop sounds outside. So I went to the window to see four boys running around houses where no one was home...chasing each other with toy guns...then I went outside to listen better...heard the familiar sound of rattling bb's going into one of the guns....by now Z was standing by my side...telling me the boys were shooting bb guns at each other. I watched for another 15 minutes...asked one boy if there were real bb's in his gun and he said "why?" RIght there, I knew I was right...so I waited a bit longer...overheard them saying not to shoot the girls, to only stab them with sticks....I walked over the boy's house and asked his mom if she knew the boy was out playing with bb guns...she said she thought it was just airsoft guns with those plastic bb's. Yes, I know what they are....I even bought a few for Christmas gifts. But last time I checked, you could still hurt someone with that and you aren't supposed to be shooting them AT people. Last thing I heard before I left her porch from her son:

"Well the good news is that our airsoft war is over...the bad news is I shot so-in-so in the face and neck...but I was aiming at his body not his face."

Yeah Z's done playing with those boys...at least when the guns are out. I told him so. I told him those boys don't know how to use the guns and there is no parent outside watching and he's just not going to be a part of it. Whew....if only I thought that would solve all the problems of the kids on our street :(

I've got a new attitude!

2012-01-04T08:43:00.000-05:00

In the words of Patti LabBelle I've got a new attitude...almost...I need a new attitude and I'm getting there. New year, new attitude. I'm always harping on Z about his attitude, his tone, his volume....but honestly I bet a lot of it is him modeling me and that's a hard pill to swallow. Admitting your part of your child's problems is well...nearly impossible. But I think if we all stop and take a breather and really examine ourselves...a lot of the way our children act is a direct reflection of the way they see us handling the roller coasters of the day to day.

I've read that in countless parenting books, blogs and magazines and agreed, but never really internalized it. I've been really frustrated with the way Z talks to us, especially when he's really unhappy about something. But if I'm honest...how do I talk and react when I'm unhappy about something...pretty much the same way....raise my voice (as if this will really motivate anyone to change their ways, actions or ideas), put things down hard on the counter (to show my feelings uh huh) Go in a room and nearly slam the door behind me and cry....pout but only if someone else is around to see it...these are hard things to admit, but I know I'm not alone. I remember as a child, I couldn't stand being yelled at or to...it made me feel worse and it really made me not want to do anything, just built up anger in my own heart. I don't want Z to feel that way...crappy about himself, unmotivated to be good.

Lately when I see him react to situations, I see myself as well and I just don't like it. I know I'm not totally to blame...a lot of it is also him just being 5 and not having a fully developed frontal lobe!! If you want to know more about how this plays into a child's behavior..I'll post some info at the end...very interesting and really explains a lot!! I've read the frontal lobe doesn't fully develop until the 20s...so what's my excuse? Maybe it starts to deteriorate as soon as it's fully developed...yes!! That must be it hahahaha

Regardless of all the why's and how's...we've got to change. I keep telling him to talk to me with respect. I have to try harder to talk to him with respect, even if I'm angry. I tell him to pay attention to what I'm saying...I need to pay attention to what he says as well. I tell him it's okay to be angry, but it's not okay to act angry in such a way that it hurts someone else mentally or physically...I need to make sure I'm following my own advice when I'm angry. I need to make it a point to keep my voice down and not talk in a disrespectful way. I tell him I want him to ask for the things he needs with a polite tone...adding the appropriate pleases, thank yous, sorrys, etc. I need to remember to also use these courtesies with him. He's my child and yes as the adults and parents, his daddy and I are in charge...but we need to "rule" with gentleness, boldness and humility...hard things to combine in leadership for sure!!

I found an awesome blog post listing all the proverbs that deal with anger
http://strengthenedbygrace.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/proverbs-on-anger/
I think this one is my favorite...“The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.” (Proverbs 17:14, ESV)." Picture a dam holding back a mighty river...damage occurs and a little breech begins in the dam letting out a trickle of water...but sometimes the breech grows and the water begins to find it's way out...it's built up with so much force and pressure, it can eventually breech the entire dam and gush forth with such power that it destroys everything in its path...wow. Please, God do not let my anger be like that...help me patch the hole before it even lets any water out.

I really do love that kid with all my heart and I want him to know that above anything. I also want him to learn respect, how to control anger before it grows into sin, kindness and gentleness. I want him to see our leadership of his childhood as guidance and love...not control.

One thing that happened recently regarding the "in charge" issue was Z asking me if I was I was the boss of the house...I was curious as to why he asked that...but it all came down to one observation he had "Well because you always ask daddy if he has on an undershirt and stuff."

Okay now here's some frontal lobe info from wikipedia that I found fascinating:

The executive functions of the frontal lobes involve the ability to recognize future consequences resulting from current actions, to choose between good and bad actions (or better and best), override and suppress unacceptable social responses, and determine similarities and differences between things or events. Therefore, it is involved in higher mental functions.

The frontal lobes also play an important part in retaining longer term memories which are not task-based. These are often memories associated with emotions derived from input from the brain's limbic system. The frontal lobe modifies those emotions to generally fit socially acceptable norms.

In humans, the frontal lobe reaches full maturity around only after the 20s,^[1] marking the cognitive maturity associated with adulthood.

Homework...grown up dreams

2011-10-24T14:08:00.001-04:00

Z truly hasn't had much homework this year and for that we are grateful. We've asked for the extra worksheet here and there to try and learn the writing he's so "fond" of....but really nothing too involved. Last week, they sent home a 3 page assignment and gave us two weeks to do it...cool. It coincides with some kind of community helpers focus they are doing at school. They basically have to describe and illustrate what they want to be when they grow up and explain how that position helps the community.

Since Z could talk, he's probably already changed his mind 10 times about his future vocation and I'm sure that's very normal. First he wanted to be a doctor...told his pediatrician at his 3 year check up that "when I grow up, I will be the doctor." And he meant THE doctor, because the pedi said "sure, you can work with me," and Z replied with "no, I will be the doctor," to which the pedi replied "I am sure you will."

That went on for about a year before the fireman dreams started (shouldn't surprise us because when he was 2, Z told us the firemen took all his paci's, which made it easier on us to explain why he didn't have them anymore...and we didn't give in when he begged us to call them and tell them bring the paci back!). Once he found out that firemen don't actually start the fires, he was less interested. I think he still though the fireman was the chef at the Japanese restaurant. So we went from that to a cowboy, to working at Starbucks on his days off from the fire station...but...dreams turned into nightmares (for me anyway) when he decided he wanted to drive an ice cream truck.

Last week when the assignment came out, I asked him again what he wanted to be and he said a "cop." I was intrigued what made him change his mind...why was being a "cop" so appealing...and here's that conversation went (thank goodness for this being in the car and I could just glance in the rearview at him):

Me: So why do you want to be a cop?
Z: Ummm so I can take the dead people's bodies that they don't need anymore to the graves.
Me in my mind (oh crap, we can NOT write that on the homework; the teacher will force him into therapy)
Me, what really said: "Umm, why do you think cops do that?
Z: because
Me: because why? (don't y'all get sick of saying that?)
Z: because that is what YOU told me Mommy!
Me: I did not..now let's get back to why you want to touch dead bodies...
Z: MOMMY, I will wear gloves; it will be fine.
Me: well, cops don't do that. I think you're thinking of a mortician.
Z: a WHAT?
Me: oh someone who works at the funeral home and gets the bodies ready for burial (can't believe I'm really explaining this to a 5 year old).
Z: Oh, no, I don't wanna be that. I wanna do that like a cop.
Me: Z , cops do NOT take dead bodies to the grave.
Z: (becoming very frustrated with me) That one day you stopped in the road and the cop had his lights on , you said he was taking the dead body to the grave!!!!
Me: Oh for crying out loud, he was leading the procession of CARS to the cemetery not putting a dead body in a grave.
Z: Oh
Me: so do you still wanna be a cop
Z: I don't know
Me: Seriously?
Z: (sees a police car lights on, someone pulled over) yeah, is that a cop?
Me: no, that's a sheriff
Z: is a sheriff like a cop?
Me: yes, but the sheriff works for Jessamine County; the police works for the city of Nicholasville.
Z: Oh, I wanna be a sheriff then
Me: Why?
Z: because they wear boots.

THANK GOD we got off that dead body train...wow...I was about to call a therapist myself :)

So our homework looks a lot "NICER" now that Z just wants to be a sheriff with boots....well, except for the part where he said his favorite part of the job would be shooting bad people and arresting them...but he did add "keeping people safe," so I'll give him some grace here :)

The Box

2011-10-21T09:02:00.008-04:00

There's rarely any real trash in our home...Z can usually find a use for most trash in his "workshop." Now, I obviously don't allow all the trash to go there, but occasionally I will give in and let him reuse clean items. It really makes him happy and he focuses for hours on creating things in his workshop..."battery packs" made from duct tape with "wires" made with colored twine...double stick tape to make it all stick to the refrigerator to power it up! The thought and focus that goes into the creations is priceless and who am I to squash a future engineer or architect's dreams, right?!

So last Friday, the last day of fall break, we were driving around town running a few errands when from out of the backseat comes a squeal when we pass Lowe's "MOMMY, stop at Lowe's!!!" Thankfully I didn't wreck the car with the sudden shriek. I asked why and he simply said "I HAVE to make a box and I can get my stuff there!!"

Since we weren't really on a big schedule that day, I stopped. We went inside and he told me he needed wood, a hammer, nails and pinges (later figured out it was hinges) and paint. I have no idea how to build such things, but Z was convinced we could do it so to the lumber area we went. Z began to explain his design to one of the associates. He was talking wildly with his hands about this awesome box that would now also have a tube coming out one side to get the marbles in the box...ah oh, so we're making a marble box...but not just any ordinary one. The associate told Z he was probably going to be the next Frank Lloyd Wright, linked here for those who aren't sure who that was, basically an extraordinary architect and designer. Z had no idea who that was...but hey, he could be an architect!

The associate took Z to pick out his wood, we figured out how many pieces and what size he needed. Even with recommendations, Z pretty much had in his head what kind of wood he needed and even talked the guys into sawing it all up for him. We found the hinges and came across an "essential" knob to put on the lid...then we picked a custom stain and Z asked the guys to mix it up for him. Then it was off to the plumbing section to find the right curved pipe. He settled on some white PVC pipe because the clear tubing he originally wanted, wasn't strong enough to stand up and the diameter wasn't wide enough for his biggest marble. And oh, we can always add more PVC pipe to add to the design later, he said. (as a side note...if you've never been to the science center in Louisville, you need to go...we spent the majority of our time rearranging PVC pipe and joints to change water directions in the plumbing exhibit there).

So we had everything we needed but I couldn't figure out how we would get a hole in the side of the box. We went back to the lumber section. I told Z if he asked, maybe they would do it since they seemed to do everything else he wanted if HE asked! They said they didn't have the capability to do it there...but didn't offer an alternative to how I could do it myself, so we left and Z was very unhappy about it. I told him I would call some local carpenters and see what they could do or post a question on facebook. W

ell, posting on facebook got a good answer in just minutes of course. Our good friend Nick Rhodes (who I also claim as an adopted little brother) introduced me to the hole saw...WOW, can't believe the guy's at Lowe's didn't direct me to this gem. It was fairly inexpensive and fit right on David's DeWalt drill! But choosing a size was not so easy. Z explained to the associate he wanted the hole to be the diameter of the PVC joint, not the pipe...but there was not a bit for that size. He assured the guy that the marbles would get stuck if he had to use the small pipe to connect the box to the joint...this little argument went on for a good 10 minutes with the associate telling him it would be fine; it would not get stuck...and Z telling him he was wrong...vehemently shaking his head no no no lol.

Well we had to settle on the smaller bit and just vow to make it work. It was the only option at that point. We went back home and Z stained all the

boards, sanded the rough edges, even pushed the drill button for the screws (drill was way to heavy for me to just let him go at it alone haha). It was about two hours of completely focused work on both our parts. Turns out you can't make a perfect box with six equal-sized boards, so Z's box has "feet," but he's fine with that. And you know know what? Those marbles did stick on the hump created inside the joint by the smaller pipe :)

It's all about Z Lunch

2011-09-02T07:53:00.003-04:00

I've been praised, chided, laughed at, encouraged, etc. about my decision to make Z's lunch most everyday. It's actually funny how many opinions there are on the subject. It's something I love to do--so far. The first few days of school, it was almost a burden, but then I found ways to throw some creativity into it and I've actually started to look forward to the process.

It does help that Z loves his lunches and really doesn't want to eat the school food at all. We do go over the menu and I ask him if there's one day each week that he would like to eat school food. We've had 14 days of school and he's chosen to eat their food ONE day, although they have charged my account for at least 4...another story for another day...or not!

I bought a planetbox from http://www.planetbox.com because I liked that it was stainless steel, had several compartments but all in one piece (except for optional dipper bowls), an insultated bag and so many places online to get ideas. So if a kid doesn't want their food to touch...no problem. It also allows for extreme variety and a lunch full of a few bites of many things if you want to do it that way. I've begun incorporating all different sizes of cookie cutters, veggie cutters...even fondant cutters in letter shapes. I LOVE THIS :) I initially was going to purchase a laptop lunchbox as I'd been an avid reader of all things Bento. I have found that I can still incorporate bento ideas into my lunch planning.

What is bento you may ask? from lunchinabox.net: A bento lunch is a compact, balanced, visually appealing meal packed in a box. Historically, it’s a Japanese box lunch, similar in concept to the Indian tiffin, the Korean dosirak, or the Filipino baon lunch. In Japanese, “bento” or “obento” refers to the packed meal, and “bento-bako” refers to the bento box itself. See the Wikipedia entry on bento for more details.

You can be very simple or you can get elaborate and those who know me, know I thrive on being artsy fartsy, so yes, this is probably going to get pretty cheesy over the course of doing it for a year. I've created a facebook page to document it all with photos and resource links, etc. Hopefully other people will add their fun and simple ideas alike.

Some days I wonder if Z really cares that I do all this, but nights like last night and mornings like today, really make it all worth it. Last night I asked him if he would like to eat a quesadilla at school today (he loves quesadillas) he said NO, I want you to pack one! So even though I was exhausted, I packed a fun lunch for him. He wanted tuna...after he went to bed, I realized we were out of tuna so I decided to make the turkey sandwich fun instead to cover the fact he wasn't getting his favorite thing.

The conversation this morning:

Me: So I have some bad news and some good news.

Z: whatcha got?

Me: Well, the bad news is we were out of tuna

Z: Oh nooooo!

Me: But the good news is, I made turkey dinosaur sandwiches!

Z: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was followed by jumping up and down and waving arms in the air...whew!

We also decided that he could have chocolate milk on Fridays, so I whipped some up for his thermos :)

I'm going to the Hibari Market in Lexington this weekend to feed by Bento obsession with some sushi rice molds so we can do some fun rice balls next week!! Oh and if you want to join Z Lunch Bunch on FaceBook, we'd be glad to have you! http://www.facebook.com/pages/Z-Lunch-Bunch/211520322238983

Tomorrow is "D" day

2011-08-16T12:19:00.004-04:00

Z got his first homework assignment. He was not too thrilled at first...actually got mad that he might actually have to do schoolwork at home. Oh this does not bode well for his future academic life. He was way too concerned with how much play time he will lose with Olivia and Pete if he had to do homework. But then again, anything that subtracts time from his "friends who might as well be my kids" ticks him off.

This assignment is huge (to a 5-year-old). You see, this year each student in the class will become a "letter expert." They will have one letter that they are responsible for teaching the rest of the class about. The letter "D" has it's pros and cons for Z and they happen to be the same. CON-The letter is nowhere in his name; he knows all the letters in his name. PRO-The letter is nowhere in his name; he gets ticked at having to identify, look at, listen to letters not in his name.

So tomorrow, we have to send him to school with a small ziploc bag full of things that begin with the letter D. So far we have a dime, dirt, , dog (picture lol) and a diamond ring (fake of course) but I don't know how we are going to put in the only D word Z could come up with by himself--dinosaur--probably too big for the zippie. (UPDATE: I found a flashcard with a dino on it!)

PS...I know it's a crappy photo, but I had to take it last minute with my phone and the glare in the bag was yuck!

Full Contact

2011-08-15T13:06:00.004-04:00

Since Z was three, he's been telling us he wants to play football. Maybe it's because David and I are pretty die-hard college football fans and it's on TV every Saturday in the fall. Regardless, there wasn't a league that he could play in until he turned 5. I'm not sure if it was on his actual birthday but somewhere around that date, he said now that he was 5, he could play football. Then came the hard part of telling him he still had to wait...until fall! So he continued gymnastics and we added in t-ball to see if he liked that. The only part of T-ball he liked was running...the rest of the time, he'd s

it or stand around digging in the dirt with his cleats or glove. So yeah, he really didn't like t-ball.

I started reading about Lexington Youth Football League - full contact football for ages 5 through 11 all indoor, climate-controlled, etc. Z's age group is 5/6 and there are four teams. The evaluations for the fall were the weekend I was in Nashville for MOPS convention, so David got to take him. They did a lot of agility drills and timed sprints. He did really well and got some of the best times. All the boys went home and the coaches had a "draft." The coaches made phone calls and the boys came back that afternoon to get their pads and practice jerseys and to find out what team they were on. I knew they had the Raiders, Falcons, Steelers and Cowboys. In my heart, I wanted the Cowboys for Z....the only reason being that we cheer for the Cowboys (well David does so reluctantly) Dallas Cowboys, OSU Cowboys....it would just make it easier haha. But we never specified what team we wanted; we just let it all play out. And what do you know...I was sitting in a lecture at MOPS and got a text from David with a picture of Z in his COWBOYS helmet!!! From what I understand, once they get on a team, they follow that team through the three age divisions...even better! Sorry David, there were teams called the Chiefs, and even if there had been; they are not God's team hehehehehe :) Love you!

The first couple practices last week were fun to watch. The boys ran a alot which made Z super happy. We were all a little anxious to see how they'd react when they had to practice in full gear Saturday. It was a monumental task getting him ready....There is a lot of STUFF involved in football sheesh. First we had to boil the mouthguard and fit it to Z's mouth...then attach the chin strap to the helmet. Then put on compression pants and shirt, then pads and jersey, shoes and socks, oh and that helmet. Ugh, that thing quickly became his nemesis. He complained it was tight, but I told him to just get out there and play--that he'd get used to it! The second water break, he came out and immediately started crying and saying his head hurt..."get back out there" we told him. In the process, one of his teammates (who are mostly either taller or bigger than him and mostly 6 going on 7) called him a baby. He kept it on for

the entire 90 minutes...then when it came off, his poor ears were so red. Yes, it was too tight. Coach took him back and put on thinner ear pads and I think that fixed the problem. I felt bad for sending him back out there and not addressing the problem right then, but honestly, I couldn't tell if he was just being a whiner and needed to get used to it. Now we know.

He says he loves it...and Friday when I picked him up from school, he was sitting in the gravel playing with...you guessed it....a football. So maybe we've found his ball sport. I think he'll always love gymnastics, but he needed a ball sport too :) Speaking of gymnastics, he starts the Thoroughbred class this week at Legacy. He's excited that he's been invited to be a part of a more challenging class. We'll have a pretty busy Thursday schedule though, with gymnastics at 4 to 5:30 and football from 5:30 to 7:15. I'm tired just thinking about it!

RIP Spiderman

2011-08-12T13:17:00.003-04:00

Well, I was just saying the other day how amazed I was that we'd managed to keep Z's birthday hermit crabs alive for nearly 6 months. I knew spiderman was probably molting as he had buried himself completely under the crabbie swimming pool a few weeks ago. I don't know why I felt the need to intervene, but I went digging for him. Surely he'd been under too long, right?

Well I found him and pulled him up and then I shrieked when all his legs came flying out in a heap. Okay, calm down...he wasn't dead. He had molted, but he hadn't eaten all this old exoskeleton. So for a bit I was relieved, but still worried that my intervention would lead to his demise. I put him on top of all his bits and reburied him a tad. The next morning, we noticed he was naked...completely shell free and taking a bath...then I watched him climb back into his shell...all was well, right?

WRONGO

Crabbie was dead by evening :( At least I'm 99 percent sure he was dead. I should never have started the googling. It made me second guess our little backyard burial ceremony. Was he just post-molt paralyzed? He did have a slight odor before we put him 6 inches under, but was it just a molting odor? OH crap, I wasn't sure...so after I got home from choir practice at 9:30, I told David that we had to dig him up and see. I know David thought I was crazy; he probably always thinks I am! But he agreed to help me exhume Spiderman. First the flashlight was not working, so we went out in the backyard with a garden spade and our cell phones for light. We found him...realized I'd buried him shell opening up and it was full of dirt. But hey, they bury themselves all the time and they come up fine, right? I couldn't see in the dark so I brought him back inside. The cats were suddenly VERY curious in what was going on and about tackled me to get to him. That should've been my first clue...stronger odor. But no, I had to start plucking the dirt out of his shell....but then thousands and I mean THOUSANDS of microscopic bugs started to march out of his shell onto the paper towels I'd laid out. OH yes, he was SO DEAD. So we reburied him and hopefully got those paper towels out of the house before any of those mystery bugs got on anything.

Such drama. I felt so bad about "killing" Spiderman, I decided to let Z go to the pet store the next morning and get a new one. We got there before they opened and were the first ones in the door. I am almost ashamed to admit I let him get THREE new ones. The pet store lady assured me they did not need to stay isolated from our surviving crab at home...that they would just naturally get along well....hmmm, I think she was wrong, but I digress.

So, not even five minutes down the road and they all had names--Dottie, Cowboy and Star. We got them home and at first Superman could not have cared less...but by last night, he was in full on wrestling match with Cowboy. I guess they worked it out...by this morning, Cowboy had on a new shell and was sleeping on top of Superman.

I was fine...until I wasn't...now I am...I think

2011-08-10T12:11:00.002-04:00

We've been preparing for this day for ohhhh about 5 and a half years I suppose. I think when you're in the throes of diapers, bottles and sleepless nights, you can't see very far past that moment. Then come the milestones -- eating real food, crawling, walking, talking...tantrums. I'd like to say I've forgotten the tantrums, but nope, I haven't; they were really THAT bad.

Z started Montessori preschool when he was 3...and I thought that was a huge day. Now I can't really fathom where the past two years have gone. Right into the history books folks, because today...my baby, whom I brought home weighing in at a massive 5 lbs and 13 oz. went to kindergarten. We were well-prepared, or so I thought. David took him to his open house since I was Nashville with a few girlfriends for the MOPS convention. He met his teachers, saw where he'd sit, met some classmates, put away school supplies and toured the school.

His teacher is Mrs. Anna "Banana" Brannen. She's wonderful and I feel very happy that she's his teacher. We struggled so much with public vs. private school and when we finally decided to go to Jessamine Early Learning Village, I felt at peace. At registration, the form asked if we had a teacher preference. I didn't know any of them so I just began praying (at Rene Matthews suggestion) that God would put Zachary with the teacher who was just right for him. So it's a little easier to pray that prayer than to actually believe and trust that it would be heard...especially when you find out your child's soon to be teacher is also soon-to-be having a baby. I doubted for a few seconds...but then remembered yes, I had prayed for his teacher and God knows what he's doing and he cares about even these little things. I was able to go meet Mrs. Brannen yesterday (she allowed me to come while she was prepping her classroom because as a mother she understands that it was important for me to meet my kid's teacher...ahh love her already). When we walked into the room, she had Chris Tomlin blasting and Z immediately told her that's the music his mommy sings at church. We had a great talk and I even told her about my summer prayers and I think that meant a lot to her. I truly am at peace about her being his teacher, even though she'll be gone for 8 weeks...sigh. I think she's got a great plan for her absence...so we'll see how it goes. TRUST.

SO back to the title of the blog...I was fine when I got up this morning, even laughed when Z came running out of his room naked asking where his clothes were so he could go to kindergarten. He was so excited to get there and experience it all. I finished packing his lunch and breakfast and then we took some pictures on the porch...which irked him because it delayed us getting to the school.

We got there and he was perturbed that we had to wait outside...kept asking me every minute when he could go to his room. Finally, they let us in and he just about ran down the hall. I was fine at that moment; I felt good that he was so ready to be there. He was a little nervous, but most of it was excitement. I hugged him and started to leave the room, when there it happened...another mother opened the dam and started bawling. CRAP...I was fine...so I hurried out of the room hiding my swelling eyes from my exited 48-pounder.

I headed to drop off the inhaler at the nurses station...I was fine--until I wasn't. She told me I didn't have the right form for her to be able to administer the medicine. So all of the sudden thoughts of Z having a major asthma attack (though he has never had one) flooded my imagination and if you know me, that was the start of panic. I saw him gasping for air, begging for his inhaler and the nurse standing there saying she wished she could give him the medicine that would allow him to breathe and even though she has the prescription, she can't give it to him. Okay, okay, I was letting it go way too far and that's when I couldn't control it and my own dam burst. I'm still waiting on the dr. to fax his signature by the way, but school ends in 1 hour and 37 minutes so hopefully we're in the clear, but what if it happened on the bus...okay, I'm okay now...out of panic mode, sort of...I think.

Rock-a-bye and goodnight...well sort of

2011-06-13T09:41:00.005-04:00

I remember my sweet friend Lisa Bailey as one of the best mentor moms our MOPS groups has ever had. She was full of wonderful advice that first year of my mothering life and she still is as I've entered my sixth year of parenthood. One thing she said fully sticks in my memory and I bring it out often. We always talk about the first time our child smiled, laughed, crawled, pulled up, walked, talked, rode a bike...and the list infinitely goes on. But Lisa reminded me to think of the lasts as well.

I think we get so busy in our lives that all the sudden we look at them and think...when was the last time I got up him 5 times during the night? Or when was the last time he held my hand walking somewhere other than a forced hold in the parking lot or busy mall? Those "last" milestones just sort of morph into the fog of time....or do they? They don't have to, if we are consciously aware of things and try to cherish the fleeting moments. I've not written down as much as I should, but that's one way we can remember things.

A couple nights ago we spent the evening with good friends. Enjoyed great food, even better company and then I sat and watched and laughed as Z jumped, wrestled and laughed loudly as four teenagers included Z in their fun and games. They were careful with him, but he was ready to rumble and kept forcing them down on the trampoline, sitting on them, rough housing and throwing the football...oh and that infectious laughter, I just soaked up. When we got home, he was exhausted. A good thing many would say...but for Z it means his attitude quickly deteriorates into an "I hate everything" mantra and his behavior travels downhill at the speed of light. That's no exaggeration; promise!

Right in the the midst of this, I called him into our room to try to reset him so he could go to sleep without having to "cry it out." I was sitting in the rocking chair that I used to spend hours in when he was a baby (even though we did spend more time bouncing on an exercise ball since that calmed him more then) I told him his attitude and behavior were unacceptable and he needed to apologize straight away. His daggers quickly softened and he tipped his head slightly down and very quietly said he was sorry for being bad. I reached out to hug him and he put his arms around my neck and then as if the mood were just too serious for him, he lifted his feet off the ground to hang from my neck and started giggling. I scooped him up, all nearly 4-feet of him. I had his head in the bend of my left arm and the rest of him slung across my body with his knees resting on the opposite arm of the rocking chair.

He was wiggling and trying not to be comfortable. So I started whispering to him, telling him about when I used to rock him as a baby, sing to him, stroke his face, then sit for a long time wondering if he was asleep enough to lay down (lifting his arm up and seeing if it dropped like a lead weight or if it still had some pull to it was a good test). His eyes fluttered and he pretended to be falling asleep as I rocked. Then out of nowhere, he jumped off my lap and stood sleepily in front me giggling. I pouted and said oh don't you want me to rock you to sleep tonight? He said yes and we both laughed. So I did; I rocked him to sleep...stroked his face, held him tight, did the arm test...didn't keep rocking nearly as long as I used to because well...he's a bit heavier now at 48 pounds! The whole time I was thinking "will this be the last time we do this?" If so I have to remember it. I need to remember it.

Love is such a strange thing sometimes. When it feels the best, the next second it breaks you and hurts you to love that much. I was so grateful for the moment and yes, that's all it was - a moment.

As I got up and navigated getting his long body through the door frames and into bed, I was surprised he stayed asleep. I put him down super gentle, or so I thought ugh. As soon as his head touched the pillow, his eyes popped open. I had a brief time travel moment in the mind of his babyhood and screamed silently, but at this age he can actually talk instead of cry and he started babbling all sorts of nonsensical stuff. I knew he was sleep talking, confusional arousal, whatever. But then he completely woke up and started talking about a flap of skin on his toe that I MUST clip off immediately or he would not be able to sleep. He was frantic. We got that taken care of and he curled up on his side and asked me to turn on his series of night lights that have become part of his sleep routine....1. Rainbow in my Room 2. alien glow light 3. dinosaur glow light that changes colors 4. slow-moving disco ball type light with colors 5. Twilight Turtle blue stars only, please 6. Thank goodness Moon in My Room needs batteries right now. Add the classical music and we're ready to sleep. OH MY GOODNESS, there is no way that all that mess would help me fall asleep, but for him it's like nyquil so whatevs right?

Oh and I can't believe the thought of selling that rocking chair because it didn't match our bedroom furniture anymore ever, ever, ever entered my head. I will never sell that precious thing!

Love/Hate the Toms

2011-04-04T09:05:00.002-04:00

Yesterday Z tried on a pair of Toms at the mall...said he loved them, they fit good, etc. I was pretty sure the girl working there wasn't fitting him properly since she never even made him put his foot down to feel his toe. Anyway, I made him walk around...he said I love these shoes, can we get them? SURE! I love the way Toms gives a pair of shoes to a child who needs shoes for every pair they sell.

So we walked out with a black pair and some no-show socks...since I've been told they get extremely stinky if you wear them barefoot. Z wanted to wear his new shoes to church, so I handed him the socks....and the protest began. The shoes were pretty snug with the sock on and he did not hesitate to gritch and moan about it. I said fine...put them back in the box; I'm taking them back. He screamed NO! It was one of the classic arguments we have...he doesn't want to wear/eat/do something but when you suggest the opposite action, he gets way out of line and doesn't want to wear/eat/do that either and then you're stuck there in limbo land.

To shorten the already too-long story, there was a lot of yelling, seat kicking, screaming and tears over those blasted shoes...David called them bloody shoes and Z yelled through sobs, insisting the shoes didn't have any blood on them. At one point, he hugged them and told me they were NOT getting returned. Oh my goodness, it was a no-win for all of us. I told him if he didn't chill out, we were going straight home...and yes, that's what we ended up doing. The screaming got louder as we passed the church and didn't stop. I told him as soon as we got home, he was to go to his room and I would bring him his supper there and that his day was now over.

Who knew Tom's could evoke such emotion...and make a kid scream that he was no longer your kid, no longer your friend and that you are the meanest mommy ever and that he is never going to talk to you again? Of course, right after he said he wasn't going to talk to me anymore....he kept talking....

The White House

2011-03-17T09:36:00.003-04:00

It's been a big week of ups and downs in Montessori land. Tuesday started out pretty crappy when Z got pink slipped for sticking his tongue out and trying to hit a few of the new kids at school. I took him home, sat him down, read him the note and then asked him why he did those things...went a little something like this:

Z: I don't know

Me: Well then you need to think about it and give me a reason because you don't just do that stuff for no reason.

Z: Well, umm those new kids were bothering me.

Me: How were they bothering you?

Z: they were hitting me..and they were bonking me on the head like this (he started hitting his own head) and poking me like this (he started poking his own eyes) and they were spanking my bottom like this (yes, he spanked himself)

Me: Oh okay, and who were the kids doing that to you?

Z: I don't remember

Me: Well even if the kids are doing that, it doesn't mean you hit back or stick our your tongue...did you tell your teacher about all this abuse?

Z: YES

Me: Okay, well mommy and daddy have to write a response and sign this note so I'm going to write down exactly what you told me. Can you give me some kids names to write down so they'll know who was bothering you

Z: no

Me: Why

Z: cuz (hanging head) no one was doing that to me

Me: Okay go to your room, there will be no playing with friends tonight and now no TV because you lied to mommy

Z: screaming, crying, stomping ...but going to his room

In about 5 minutes he told me he was ready...ready for what, I said. Ready to tell the truth, he said. So in doing so, he thought that would remove his consequences...BEEP....wrong answer :) More screaming/crying...but in the end, he found plenty to do without friends and TV.

Fast forward to Wednesday at pick up time....teacher tells me how amazingly smart Z is...how she thinks he could be the president someday (I wouldn't wish that on any kid). So on the way home I told him that the president lives in the White House.

Z: I know that

Me: So if you live in the White House, can I live there too?

Z: Sure, but you have to dress up really pretty every day to live in the White House.

Conversation flowed to other things but then after we'd been home awhile I asked him if I was dressed nice enough to be at the White House....

Z: well, yes, but there's no orange allowed in the White House!

Me: WHAT? NO ORANGE...but WHY?

Z: because it's too pretty for the White House, but black is okay to wear there.

So there you have it folks...OSU is too good for the White House (at least that's my interpretation of the conversation :))

This morning when he woke up, first thing he said as he was stretching and yawning "Mommy, I don't think I want to live in the White House." I told him that's just fine but asked him why he changed his mind. He said "because I don't like white." Hmm okay, fine with me. He then said he needed to live in Texas or Oklahoma and would I live there with him...ummm DUH!

The Cup

2011-03-14T08:15:00.004-04:00

I know, I know; I really need to catch up my blog. I think that's always the case. I still need to write about Z's 5th birthday celebrations; yes there were several! (For some reason, I'm in a heavy semi-colon use mood; but I digress).

This past weekend was pretty full...started out Friday evening with 2 hours of open bounce at Air-Time Inflatables. Since David is still recovering from double hernia repair surgery; I ended up being Z's playmate in the inflatables and he was in pure boy, wrestle-mania mode. Wow, I was tired and bruised haha! So you'd think that would expel most of his pent up energy, right? Not even close! We headed to Dick's Sporting Goods to pick up the supplies Z will need for tee-ball. I really don't remember my softball days being this expensive?!?! We pretty much got the cheapest of everything...bat, cleats, socks, glove, extra tee-balls to play catch and somehow the sales associate convinced me Z needs sliding pants. Oh and let's not forget the cup. I can finally say it without blushing. I don't know why it's embarassing to talk about...probably because I never had to think of such things growing up in a house of girls! I know that item is on the list of football equipment we have to have this fall, so I figured I'd ask if he needed it...the teenage sales guy turned red when I mentioned it and said he wouldn't need that for tee-ball...but since we had to get one for the fall, it might not be a bad idea to get him used to wearing it.

So there we are...on a isle of, you guessed it...just cups....me...Z...teenage sales dude....oh and lortabbed David, who was clearly letting me do all the talking ugh. I had no clue what to pick, so sales dude did the research and came up with a bright yellow one labeled, and I'm not kidding, "Pee Wee." Are you serious? Anyway...Z was asking him what all those things were and sales dude also let me be the talker...I said "Oh Z, we've talked about this...it's the cup that you will have to wear for football...and maybe tee-ball." So Z looks right at embarassed sales dude and says point blank "Oh, is this to protect my (insert correct name of male anatomy here...I won't type it because for some reason it makes my blog ads a little more than G-rated.)" Sales dude was very embarassed, beet red, etc. by that point and he just chuckled and said well...yeah. Never thought sports would be so weird...but I guess, here we go....into the male world...someone save me!!!!!

The Eve of All Things Z

2011-02-16T14:26:00.002-05:00

So here we are...on the eve of it all...he turns 5 tomorrow. Wow, how is that even possible? It feels like we've been barreling toward this moment for such a short time...and yet, so much has happened in 5 years.

I've noticed a lot of maturity in him lately, mixed in with a lot of immaturity of course. But we're starting to have logical conversations and he's aware that he's got some responsibilities now. Progress...for him. I find myself very emotional this week. It's like we are on the cusp of true childhood, as school years begin and life changes so rapidly and innocence begins to wain. I want him to grow up; I just don't want it going this fast!

I love that he still wants to cuddle; he still wants to hold my hand; he still wants me to read him stories. I love that he seems to constantly say "Mommy?" then wait for me to say "yes?" and then say "I love you mommy." He does it so many times a day that I've sometimes rolled my eyes, but I love it and I would never ask him to stop.

So I'm taking off work Thursday and Friday and we are going to celebrate this birthday stuff rock-star style. Tonight we go pick up Z cookies and take them to cubbies for his friends. Tomorrow more cookies go to school and he gets to be in the middle of the Montessori circle at 10 a.m. in all his fivey-glory....clad in an orange shirt with a huge "5" on the front. After that I'm taking him to a local fire station he was invited to and he'll get the royal visitor treatment. Then I have to take a birthday break and go to MOPS, where I'll probably cry because I'm away from him on his birthday!

Friday is picture day. We are so excited as it's going to be so warm...Z has never been able to have outside pics for his yearly milestones; it's just always been too cold and snowy. But this year, yes....60s, baby! Then maybe a movie or something on Friday. Saturday afternoon is the big bouncy birthday party at AirTime with 20 of his closest friends and probably the coolest Despicable Me birthday cake of all time. Whew, I'm getting tired just thinking of it all!

Vday at the Q!

2011-02-15T08:06:00.003-05:00

Picked up Z from sugarland...err Montessori valentine party...yesterday afternoon and knew his gymnastics coach was in for a great evening of corn-syrup, red dye-induced fun! I about freaked out when I saw a jug of red fruit punch sitting by the school door. Eyes huge, I looked at my little bundle of conversations hearts and said "Um...please tell me you did NOT drink that stuff today."

Z: I did not drink it mommy, it has red dye and I can't have red dye and we are not allowed to have that at our school. (hey at least he knows he can't have hyper dye whew, we are learning).

Apparently some little girls' mom thought that stuff would add a lot of fun to a party for 3 to 5 year olds...we have a lot of work to do folks (channeling Jamie Oliver now), but I digress. The teachers made her take it home and never gave a drop to the kids...whew. But some candy here, a cookie there...and oops where did those red sprinkles come from...CRAP! If you're kids get overly hyper, I challenge you to look at the food dyes and the high fructose corn syrup they are consuming. Call me a paranoid quack or whatever you want, these things DO make a difference in many children's hyperactivity and behavior....especially my Z. He cannot tolerate red dye, period.

So off to gymnastics we went. I warned coach Raleigh that Z may be a little distracted and crazy, but that we'd talked about trying to control the mouth and body even when you feel like going nuts!! He wasn't deterred and said it was better for the boys to have too much energy than not enough. I think the boys have really grown on Raleigh; he does such a good job with them and they seem really attached and impressed by his crazy strength. Have to add that he put on quite a show for them, hoisting himself like a flag from the door frame, defying gravity and telling them which muscles had to be strong to do that. The boys were flabbergasted and couldn't stop talking about it all night.

We hit Q'doba after gymnastics with the Campbells. Zachary and Andrew have become pretty good friends and they enjoy hanging out. Didn't realize till we got there it was BOGO kissing night...kiss your sig. other and you get a free entree...sooo stinking crowded, but a really fun promotion no less. So we kissed in front of the cashier....Z and Andrew were being entertained by several firefighters who happened to be there. I think the guys were getting a kick out of the boys.

Z kept going over to their table and telling them all kinds of interesting information about a fuse that's freaking out in our car causing the climate control lighting to blink every once in awhile. He was holding court as usual...with them and with the people at the next table. He commands an audience most everywhere we go and I rarely know whether to try to stop him and apologize or just let him fly. I think the look on the spectator's faces usually helps me figure out when to pull him back...most of the time they get a kick out of it...but some people are just bumps on logs and apparently don't like kids...their loss :)

Firefighters told Z and Andrew they need to come by the station....think we'll do just that on Z's birthday because by my calculations, they'll be on duty again that day!

Getting "Weddinged" again!

2011-02-14T10:15:00.003-05:00

Ah yes, Feb. 13, 2011. According to Z mommy and daddy got "weddinged" again. Our church put together a vow renewal service and we were one of more than 40 couples to participate. We decided to make a pretty big deal of it and really solidify some things between us. It was healing, emotional and just so much darn fun.

The fun actually started last Wednesday on the way home from church. I started to explain it all to Z and get ready for the flurry of questions...and yes, there were lots. I told how mommy and daddy were going to basically "get married again." He couldn't figure out why that was necessary and kept saying they we already got "weddinged"and why would we need to do it again. I told him that he wasn't around to see if the first time and this would just reassure him that mommy and daddy really love each other and we are promising to keep our family together. Then I asked him if he'd walk me down the isle to daddy. I got a little resistance because he wanted to know how many people would be watching him. Once we reassured him we'd be walking with lots of people, he was fine with it and said "Oh yes, mommy; I'll walk you down there to daddy and I'm going to wear my best shirt and my best pants...from my sweat pants drawer." Ummm sweet, but NOO no sweatpants and a wedding dude...just wrong on so many levels. I told him we'd worry about what he would wear later.

I thought well, he's almost 5, he needs a suit and tie anyway...so yeah, went to Burlington and bought him one. Pants were huge, but the jacket covered it. Shoes were too big, we stuffed the toes with tissue paper! Got David a new suit too (guised as a valentine's present) Pants didn't fit, but the jacket worked and maybe no one could tell. My new dress was too big on top and I had to throw a black cami on last minute since we were in church afterall! Shelby Potter came over to do my hair and she rocked it...even got my grandmother's broach in there! Stupid last minute nylons were twisted so I had to make a last minute leg shaving trip before we FINALLY got to the church!

All lined up and ready to go...kids all around as the brides got ready to meet the grooms in the isle and then it happened. "MOMMY, I have to go potty BAD!" Like really? Right now? Right when we are going to walk down the isle. Other ladies were telling him to run outside and do it in the grass. He as appalled and just couldn't. I told him he'd have to hold it...and right then Kevin Cox said "Hey Z, when you get done walking your mom in...come back here and I'll take you to the potty!" OH thank you God in heaven, this kid's gonna be an excellent dad someday! So then we walked in...and Z walked back out...and I just prayed he found his way back to Kevin and ultimately Lily Sauteben who was so gracious to let him sit with her during the ceremony. Once we were reunited at the reception, Z handed me an offering envelope he'd kiped from the pew to draw on. I almost cried when I saw what he'd drawn -- a picture of Me, David and him...all holding hands, all smiling. He was so proud of himself...little cheeks turning red, dimples flashing...wow, I was so in love with my little family at that moment! My how God has blessed us; I mean really blessed us!

Once we got home, I asked Z which one in the picture was him...thinking it was the small one on the left. But he said no..."I'm the one in the middle and you guys are both holding my hands...and I'm swinging up and down and then I'm flipping over..."

The K word

2011-02-03T10:05:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I guess I've been too obsessed with trying to figure out where my little "einstein" needs to attend elementary school, to actually fathom that he will be old enough to attend elementary school at all. I've been busy listing the pros and cons of finding the right Montessori to continue his two years of Montessori preschool; reading up on the programs at various other types of private schools the area has to offer and of course contemplating a dive into public school *GASP.*

So I thought hmm, I'll call Jessamine County just to see when Kindergarten registration happens to be for the fall (thinking I had plenty of time to choose and let it all sink in). But no, the lady at the office said March 7. MARCH 7?!?!?! Are you kidding me...does she not realize my baby is still a baby March 7? Oh my gosh, my brain started spinning around in my head and I could barely focus on what she was saying. I had to have her repeat it all...yes, you need a birth certificate, social security card, immunization records, proof of residence oh and don't forget to bring your child so he can be screened. Screened for what? I'm not really worried about that, but still...wow. I don't know why this all comes as such a shock to me; in my mind I've been preparing for this for a year now - doing all the homework on finding the "perfect" school, thinking about uniforms, no uniforms, buses or no buses, after school programs or working my UK schedule around the school schedule...not once did I ever ponder the reality that this kid was actually going to go to Kindergarten.

And then it happened, I hung up the phone and the waterworks started. David walked in my office about that time bringing me a stash of glorious Dublin Dr. Pepper...so that was a plus, but he wondered why my eyes were full of tears. No, honey it really had nothing to do with my gratefulness of your taking time before you go to work to bring me some manna from heaven. So when I started blurting out "birth certificate, social security....wah, wah" he was just hugged me in complete oblivion...probably wise. He got a little chuckle when I told him what I was really talking about and then mumbled something about our baby growing up. SHUT UP, no he's not, he's going to stay my sweet little snuggler forever, don't you know that?!?! And if anyone...ANYONE...dares talk to me about how in two weeks from today that BABY is going to be FIVE years old...nelly bar the door, unless you are ready for a flood....SHUT UP!! NO WAY!!

On the Grow Again

2011-01-10T08:59:00.004-05:00

Z's already grown more than 4 inches this year, which I just find astounding. It's funny how the pattern is always the same: eat like a person that's been starved for a year, restless sleep with lots of sleep talking, belly pops out, eating stops almost completely, pants are two inches shorter. I know other moms have noticed the same pattern in their kids because we've laughed about it a lot. But even knowing about it, I still get amazed with each spurt. This one is scaring me because the "eat like a horse" phase went on for like two weeks straight. We'd eat a full meal and within 15 minutes he would have to "tell me a secret" which was usually just to say he was still hungry.

Yesterday, we noticed the eating has abruptly stopped; we couldn't get him to eat more than a couple bites of much of anything. And yes, the belly has arrived and he's having great fun poking it out there and patting it, then sucking it in and laughing. I am still in awe though that through all this growing and eating, he's only gained a pound this year! Insane! I'm pretty sure it's because he's always running, jumping, flipping, tackling teenage girls (yes, we are so ready for football to start this fall!) and basically climbing the walls all the time. I'm glad he likes to be so active. I'm glad he's not into video games yet and would rather ride his bike or play hide-n-seek with any willing participant. I hope he always loves to move. It's easier to teach healthy habits when they really enjoy exercise. I wish I enjoyed it!!

Yes, Zachary there IS a Santa Claus!

2011-01-07T09:11:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure why it's so important that Z believe in Santa Claus. I guess, in reality, it's not. But it's a magical part of childhood that holds many nostalgic thoughts for me, so I want him to have some of that when he's my age too. And before anyone says Santa is a lie that we shouldn't tell our kids, let me just say no..Santa IS real. Santa embodies a spirit of giving...even if "he" is our parents, he is real.

Z's always skeptical about everything; he asks tons of questions that really make you think and scramble around for answers. The topic of Santa has been no different. In fact, he's probably asked more questions about him than most anything. He, like most kids, notices the differences in the book Santas, mall Santas and any other thing wearing a Santa suit (like the Cincinatti bum wearing a filthy Santa suit, cut off at the knees, in Fountain Square in August. We've always just chalked these differences up to the fact that Santa is NOT God and he can't be all places at once so he needs helpers.

We took a magical trip to the remodeled Opryland Hotel in Nashville for Thanksgiving. It looks marvelous by the way, after such a devastating flood early this year. We wanted to celebrate the end of fall portrait season and the beginning of Christmas season in style. We were not disappointed; that places stops at nothing to get you into the Christmas spirit! From dazzling light and fountain shows, special cookies and stories with Mrs. Claus, amazing ICE! exhibit and SNOW! with live reindeer, giant nativity display...well it was just what we needed to get into the Christmas mood. The final day of our visit, we went to see Santa so Z could tell him what he wanted for Christmas. We were about 10th in line and I kept telling Z I thought this could be the real Santa...real beard, real twinkle in his eye...Mrs. Claus reading books close by. He wasn't convinced at all and kept telling me no he's not. Until he sat on the old man's lap. He stared deep into Santa's eyes...told him exactly what he wanted -- a black and orange bike with training wheels, a real Woody and real Buzz Lightyear. They had a great conversation about how the toys in the move aren't "real," but Santa felt certain he could get some that were almost real.

Then Z threw him a curve ball...he mentioned Jack. Jack is the name Z gave his Elf on a Shelf, who this year had to appear in Nashville. On this last day in town, Jack had landed in Z's suitcase so he could come back to Kentucky with us. I stood there thinking "sheesh, that's it, we're done; it's over, Santa's gonna blow it because he doesn't know about Jack."

But to my surprise, here's how that conversation went.

Z: you know, Jack's in my suitcase

Santa: Oh he is? Why do you suppose he's in there?

Me (sweating and biting my lip in the background)

Z: because he wants to come back to Kentucky with us.

Santa: Oh, I see

Me: Z, Santa may not know that you've given him the name Jack.

Santa: Oh yes, I know all about Jack.

Z: you do?

Santa: yes, and he flies back to the North Pole each night while you're sleeping to tell me about your day.

Z: (eyes huge and staring at Santa in disbelief)

Santa: Is Jack behaving himself.

Z: umm, yeah

Santa: well, that's good. If he starts to cause any trouble, I want you to let me know, okay?

Z: okay, I WILL

Santa then said some other junk that I didn't hear because I was just so impressed at how he handled that, I could no longer think.

Z hugged Santa tight and then walked toward his now glassy-eye mommy and said he had to tell me a secret. While waiting for the people to process the photos, he whispered in my ear "I just need to tell you mommy, that IS the real Santa."

Oh and you know what? Z got his bike and the woody and buzz :) I think that dude in Nashville bought us at least two more years of solid Santa belief!

M-O-M

2010-09-14T10:22:00.002-04:00

We've been trying to teach Z how to be quiet and sit still during church on Sunday nights because he's really too old for the nursery and there's nothing for his age during the service time. I'd say that we don't get too much out of the service because most of our time is spent sssshing Z and giving him something else to draw on, etc.

Well this past Sunday night, I had to sing on worship team so I could see him sitting with David from my spot on the stage. He did pretty good. At one point, the sweet girl behind him stood up and raised her hands during one of the songs...and pretty soon after, Z stood up with his hand raised too. It was too cute and I almost choked up a bit watching it. See he does fine during the music part of the service, enjoys singing and listening...but when it comes time to be quiet for a sermon...well, thats' a different story.

After we finished our last song, I was walking down the isle back to the pew where Z and David were sitting and Z walked out in the isle to meet me with a hand full of offering envelopes he'd been writing on. I quickly directed him back to his seat and didn't pay much attention to the drawings..but then I realized what he'd written.

It wasn't just his normal scribbling...he'd actually written M O M several times. I was so happy and yes I almost cried. He's been learning letters at Montessori school for more than a year, but we can rarely get him to try writing them at home. But it's finally all coming together and my baby is actually spelling words by himself and it was amazing that his first one was MOM!! After that he'd written MOP and POP and whatnot and some attempts at things I don't recognize, but the most important one was MOM!

Most of you moms can empathize with me here, because the majority of children say dada before mama and that's just how it is...but fear not, the last shall be first in the writing realm because M is definitely easier to write than D :) WOOHOO

The first big seal

2010-09-03T09:38:00.003-04:00

I've never seen anyone react to the announcement that it's dentist day quite the way Z reacts. I went to pick him up early at school yesterday - which he sometimes complains about if he's in the middle of some "big" project." He asked what I was doing there and where we were going and I hesitantly said "the dentist." In and instant he was jumping up and down and flitting around the room telling everyone he was going to get his teeth brushed at the dentist and how awesome that is. Well, okay...hope he always loves it this much.

He talked about his excitement all the way there and how he was so couldn't wait to get a toy after his teeth get all shiny. They've tried the past visit or two to take x-rays of his back teeth, but Z's mouth hasn't really been big enough (apparently it shrinks at the office, because it seems pretty big everywhere else) to get the bitewing things in there. So another attempt at that yesterday and Z tolerated it so well...never moved a muscle while they took the pictures. He loved looking at the images on the screen when they were developed. He went through it all like a champ and then Dr. Combs came in and said he had a small pit in one of his back teeth, not a cavity, but an area that could become vulnerable to decay because of its depth. She said maybe we'd seal it next time. But after we explained to Z that they would paint his tooth and then put a blue light on it and make his mouth light up...he was game. So he sat back in the chair and crossed his right ankle over his left knee and just hung out while Ms. Michelle finished the seal. We were all so proud of him...he saw this as an opportunity to get a reward. So he convinced us to go to Red Robin....because it's Thursday and Red (a girl in a bird suit) hangs out at the restaurant from 5 to 7.

We've gone through quite the big love/hate relationship with Red for a couple years. Red is rather scary...a bird costume with a giant head...reaching out for kids with giant red claws, 2 times the size of most kids heads and then pretending to cry and sulk if the kid doesn't go nuts wanting a hug or whatever. Last night, however, Z was all about asking questions...why doesn't he talk? why doesn't he ever close his mouth? Where does he go potty? Why won't he fit in the bathroom that we use.....oh my the wait staff must've been either highly amused or highly annoyed lol.

Nighttime is the right time...for stuffing things in your pjs?

2010-08-26T09:07:00.003-04:00

Anyone who knows my Z, knows he literally never stops talking. I'm telling you that he even talks in his sleep and we have strange conversations at night. He usually sleep talks more when he's really tired, or when he's worried about something.

Wednesdays are pretty long and Z leaves church with David before I do and he's asleep when I get home. I always promise to come in and give him a hug or a kiss when I get home and he usually doesn't sleep very heavy until that happens. But last night - ha, I'm still laughing about it - I came home, took a shower, got ready for bed and then went into his room to turn his CD player off and cover him back up and give him the promised kiss. Even in the dark, I noticed something strange; he looked....well...pregnant or just really fat. I kept trying to adjust my eyes to the dark to figure out why my eyes were playing tricks on me. I try not to touch him too much because I don't want him to wake up.

This time, however; I couldn't help myself. I reached down toward his belly and realized that he had his "blankie" stuffed under this shirt. I was having such a hard time keeping my laughter quiet. I put my hand over his ear and then told called to David. He came in and he was having a hard time not laughing too. So we started to gently pull the "blankie" out....and it was sort of like a magician pulling that scarf out of his hand...it just kept coming. He had all three of those "blankies" in his shirt. Oh we were really struggling to maintain quietness at that point.

We finally got him all covered back up and then I just stood there holding his hand and listening to him breathe. I was thinking about what a blessing he was to me and how much I love him and all the silliness and joy he brings to my life.

(UPDATE, forgot to add this in the first draft) About 30 minutes later he started talking in his sleep...mostly gibberish, but then he yelled for daddy to come in there. He was pretty scared. David went and I followed...he was crying, but we could tell he was only half with us. He started asking where his blankies were and feeling around the bed. David handed him one and then picked him up; he fell back asleep and we didn't hear from him again until about 5:30 a.m. I guess he really was worried about those blankies.

This morning he called me when he woke up and I told him about the "blankies" being in his shirt last night and he said "I know." I asked him why and he said..."Because I was trying to exercise in my bed." WHAT?

The Ashgrove Pike Incident...and a heart made of stone

2010-08-24T09:32:00.006-04:00

Wow, two days in a row...now how many days until something becomes a habit?

I've really been trying to get Zachary to understand the world does not revolve around him (it revolves around me!...kidding), but seriously, the quicker a kid knows this, the happier they'll be. I truly believe that. But selfishness is a part of human nature and I think we all struggle with it almost on a daily basis. So although I'm not immune to being selfish, I am the adult here and I need to bestow some wisdom on my little dude.

I keep having to remind myself of Hebrews 12:11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

I believe that doesn't just refer to the disciplinee...but the one handing it down as well. It's just not a fun experience. I will heretofore describe all discipline as "before Ashgrove Pike Incident (API) and after API and I'll tell you why.

Many of you know that life before API was a struggle with tantrums, strong-wills, defiance and such. After API, I have a more compliant, yet still strong personality-filled child.

You see the day of API, we were on our way to Panera Bread in Regency Center to meet up with someone who wanted to buy a spare lens I had for sale. Zachary was demanding to listen to certain music...said please, so then I turned it on. After one song, he said "fast forward it, I don't like this song." I told him that was his only fast forward and that I was not his DJ today (something we struggled with quite often). He said okay and listened to that song...but lo and behold the next song comes on, he doesn't like it, he demands it be changed, I say no and he began to come undone. So I turned it off completely and told him we were not listening to any music. He didn't like that at all and promptly threw the cell phone he was holding at my head. The phone bounced off my head and onto my right foot, which was on the gas. Mind you, we were still in the 55 mph area of Nich. Rd.

We were coming up on Ashgrove Pike and I remained silent, turned on the blinker, turned right and then found the first driveway I could...the long winding one on the left that goes up the beautiful white-columned house. I unbuckled my seat belt, opened the door, got out and then opened the back door. Now up until that point Z was just staring at me wide-eyed wondering if I was going to say or do anything. When he realized I was coming in the backseat for him he literally freaked out screaming, yelling, holding his carseat straps yelling "YOU WILL NOT SPANK ME MOMMY!!" He was literally out of his mind at that point. David had to hold his arms back while I unstrapped him and pulled him out of the car. I still hadn't said a word...and finally I broke my silence. In a calm voice, I told him to put his hands on the backseat of the car. He sat on the door frame and screamed at me some more. I waited for him to finish, then repeated that he needed to turn around and put his hands on the seat.

He kept asking me if it was going to hurt, if I was going to do more than one, and then told me the car was burning his leg...exaggerate much Z? I told him we were staying there as long as it took until he complied. I finally got him to turn around and spanked him twice while he continued to scream...he got back in his seat and cried and cried. I was still calm; I got back in the driver's seat and started back to our original destination. He calmed enough to hear me talk and I told him how dangerous it was to throw things at people, especially in the car...how awful it was to kick my seat and scream in my ears...then he said "okay, I'm sorry, but where we goin?"

So I spoke the truth and here's how it went:

Me: We are going to Panera to meet the sheriff

Z: WHAT? (his eyes were WIDE open)

Me: yep, gotta go meet the sherriff

Z: Are you gonna tell him what I did?

Me: Maybe

Z: (starting to cry again) Will he ...sniff sniff ...take me to jail.

Me: Well, what you did was pretty serious and dangerous, but I don't think you'll go to jail.

Fast forward to Panera...the sherriff was there...off duty, but IN his patrol car! I could not have planned it more perfectly myself. I went out to his car by myself, sold him the lens, came back in to a transformed 4-year-old...but at the time, I was wondering how long it would last.

I haven't had to spank him since then. Sure we've had a few issues and he still cops an attitude at least every other day. But, for the most part, he's a totally different kid who respects his mommy and all I have to do when he starts to get out of control is give him a look...cock my head a little to the side and stare him down and he'll say "Yes, Ma'am" or if he needs to "I'm sorry, mommy." I've not really had to even raise my voice.

Maybe the API ushered him more quickly into a new stage of maturity that was coming all along, or maybe it truly put the fear of mommy into him...and by fear I don't mean scare...I mean respect. He's been extra loving lately ...telling how awesome his meal is, how wonderful I am, how much he loves me...I'm all over it! I think we really have turned a corner.

One day when I picked him up from school he told me he found a heart rock and he pulled out a rock he found on the playground. It really was a faint heart shape. I took it home and put it on the counter and thought hmm that's cute. But two days ago, Z found it and told me that he got that rock for me and he wanted me to always hold it. I told him I'd put it in my purse so it would always be with me, he seemed okay with that.

Apparently I took the summer off...from my blog

2010-08-23T08:07:00.003-04:00

So I'm almost embarrassed that I haven't blogged all summer. It's not that I had a lack of topics; I just had a lack of motivation...oh and time, yes that trumps it all I suppose. I started feeling a little mommy guilt when more experienced moms (notice I didn't say older) kept saying "oh I hope you wrote that down!" when Z would say something profound.....I did write it down - in my head. And then as usually happens, it's hard to recall what I wanted to transfer to the blog. But a few things stick out and I'll concentrate on those here and then try to be better this fall about updates.

First of all, one of the big things that sticks out in my mind is money. Zachary has been trying to understand the almighty dollar...and the coins too. He was curious about the people on the bills and we explained who they were and I guess George Washington made an impression on him because I gave him a few dollars, told him about the first president and then told him he needed to put one of those dollars in the offering at church. He sat quiet for a few moments and then said "But mommy, why do I need to give George Washington to Jesus?"

I think the highlight of our summer was spending more than two weeks with family in Oklahoma. We stayed a few days at MawMaw's house in Mustang and then drove to Stillwater to stay with my sister and her kiddos. It was so nice to watch the kids play together and see how much they've grown. My nephew has grown into an amazing young man with many talents. He started guitar lessons while we were there and incessantly practiced his baseball skills...it paid off too...he tried out for and made the AA traveling team!

My niece Sarah was attached to my Z. Those two were pretty inseparable and they were really good at catching frogs, avoiding copperhead snakes and generally chasing each other through the trees. I loved sitting in the kitchen and looking out the huge picture window, just watching them run and laugh and get filthy dirty. Yes, that's right - Z got dirty willingly and many times over. One day when my Nanny, Aunt Debbie and cousins came up from Texas, Z changed clothes at least 5 times. We were all joking about it because, he'd run in and go to Clay's room and come back out with a different outfit because either got the other one wet or dirty. At least he was doing it all by himself..but the laundry wow, never had to do so much in such a short time!!!

My mom came up the same day as the Texas clan and it was good to see her see Nanny for the first time in almost 30 years. It truly was a special day. The next day, we ALL went to Mexico Joe's for lunch...I don't think they knew what was coming haha. So much fun. I got to photograph my cousins' children in my sister's field...it was just zen for me really. Z loved playing with all the second cousins...and yes, they all caught frogs.

My friend Kim and her family came up to get pictures of little Zander, who's grown so much since we saw them at Thanksgiving! They also introduced us to the most heavenly grilled peaches EVER. Basically you half and pit peaches, put in a ziploc bag with LOTS of honey, cinnamon, and I can't remember what else....then grill them peel side up until the peels get wrinkly...they slide right off. Plate the halved, grilled peaches, fill the pitted area with strawberry preserves, top with vanilla ice cream and drizzle the marinade over the top....OH MY GOSH!

So eventually we did have to get on the road back to Kentucky. I was doing so well not getting emotional while I was getting ready that morning, until my niece came in and said she thought I was staying one more day and then she cried...then Zach started crying about leaving and my stupid eyes welled up. Just seeing their little hearts hurting made me hurt too. I SO wish we lived closer!!

So yes, back to life, back to reality (that's a song lol) and when we got back it was like the whole summer had slipped away...and I guess it has for sure by now. It's been so hot this year for so long, I'm actually REALLY looking forward to September! Cooler temperatures...at least 3 newborns to photograph that I know about so far! Definitely going to be a good fall.

Tomorrow I'll write about life after the Ashgrove Pike incident :)

Does God Know Her?

2010-05-17T08:06:00.002-04:00

Anyone who's spent much time with Z knows that some pretty profound things come out of his mouth quite often. He's got a natural curiosity about everything...how it works, why it works a certain way, why people say or do the things they do. I think most people wonder these same things on a daily basis, maybe we just don't voice it as often as a preschooler. In the past few months, Z has been really curious about relationships, often asking if me and his daddy are married and why....if his friends parents are married....if so-in-so is a mommy, etc. But the most surprising relationship I've seen him dwell on is the relationship of God and His people.

I like to people watch...sit at a park or the mall or wherever and wonder about the people walking by. What's their story? Not creepy stuff, just wondering who they are, what they do, why they dress that way...haha anyway. Z apparently likes it too, but his questions are more intense. The conversation often goes like this:

Z: mommy, do God know her/him?

Me: well, yes, I believe God knows everyone.

Z: Does he/she know God?

Me: wow, well, you know, I don't know.

Z: why mommy? Will you go ask them?

How do you even answer that? He's just 4 but he stepped on my toes and it hurt a little bit. I wish I was more concerned with people passing by and if they have a relationship with Christ. I wish I had the boldness to ask them. I hope I never squelch his desire to know if God knows each person, if that person knows God and then to just pose the simple question.

I'm constantly amazed at how much little minds understand about the nature of God. As we get older, we complicate it so much...try to logically explain God, when you just can't. You have got to approach him as a child would, with complete faith and trust before the world pollutes the view.

Vegan leanings and a place with two Suns

2010-04-13T14:21:00.002-04:00

So I haven't blogged in over a month...ridiculous, I know! Completely unacceptable...but I lost some of my motivation after I literally reformatted a compact flash card before backing up Z's 4th birthday party photos. I can barely talk about it for fear of bawling sooo if any of you who were at the party took ANY photos, can I have copies?

Okay, now that I've come to terms with that it's time for some catch up. I'm constantly amazed by the profound things that come streaming out of my 4-year-old's mouth. Most of the time without even thinking. He's just too smart, which explains why he knows exactly which buttons to push to fire me up! grrr But all tantrum, strong-willed talk aside...that intuition about the world this child has is quite amazing. We are in a phase, and have been for the better part of a year, where most of our conversations revolved around how things work...how does the electricity get to the lights...where does it come from before it comes in our house....where does the water go when it goes down the tub drain and how big are those pipes under the house and where do they lead and ...well you get the picture.

So we're driving home from Lextown the other day and the sun is setting beautifully to the west, leaving a very dark blue sky in the east....

Z - why is the sky blue, Mommy?

Me - God made it blue (not wanting to get into the technicals of it all because that would require a google refresher for me and we were in the car)

Z - why is it blue over there and white over there (west)

Me - because the sun is setting...the earth turns away from the sun and toward the moon and it becomes night time.

Z - oh

very short pause

Z - is it night in heaven too?

Me - well I don't know all the details about heaven, but I think it's light there all the time.

Z - oh, so does heaven have two suns?

yes, it took me a bit to understand what he was saying and when I did I said hmm, that's a very profound statement Z.

Z - What was so profound about it mommy?

And I once again realize how much trouble I'm in with this one.

On another hand, he's an incredibly health-conscious little dude. Recently he begged to go to golden corral and his plate consisted of cottage cheese, applesauce, broccoli with ranch dressing, pears, pineapples, peaches and corn...he did eat a little ice cream at the end of it all. I thought it was a fluke, but not so much.

We stopped at Culver's last night before gymnastics and Z didn't know what he wanted so he asked me to read him all the things on the kid's menu. I started going down the list...chicken strips, cheeseburger, corn dog, hot dog.....and he says "A salad is what I want and applesauce." Okay that earned a giggle from the cashier and then he asked her if she could put some strawberries in a cup for him...which they did. Once again, he wanted a little ice cream and we obliged.

At least he likes beans and peanut butter and oh...cheese. So we got some protein options. Every now and then he'll want steak from the fire place...which is Z code for Azuka Japanese Steakhouse haha....but once again he's still way more into the sushi, rice and salad from there too.

WOW! Lily can stand on one leg

2010-03-03T07:51:00.002-05:00

About 5 years ago, I was helping out Jill Campbell lead the middle school choir at church. I really enjoyed hanging out with the students each Sunday afternoon and when it came time to go on their tour in the summer, I was excited to go to Myrtle Beach. When I found out I would be alone in a room with four sixth-grade girls, I was a little nervous. I mean okay, I didn't even have a child yet, much less a teenager. But I am a girl and I was in sixth grade once...so I guess I had something in common with them, right?

It was an amazing week, those girls - Lily, Arynn, Sarah and Autumn - were amazing. We really bonded and I've had a relationship with them ever since. I felt so honored that they let me into their world and now, they are halfway through their junior year of high school...are you SERIOUS? That week in Myrtle Beach, I was so tired....and shortly after I got back, found out I was indeed pregnant with Z, which explains it all. Since he was born, the girls have all made him feel so special and he's developed bonds with them like me; he's even been invited to a few sweet sixteen parties haha. Last year, Lily invited us to her dance team's friends and family night. We took Z and he was enamored watching the girls, they were amazing. So of course we decided to go back this year.

We sat up at the top of the bleachers with Lily's family and some other supporters. Z moved all around, but spent a lot of time sitting right next to Lily's mom, Karen...although he called her Lily's mom at all times. He was armed with his usual package of questions about everything from why they had make up on, to why they had on no pants and why their shoes were funny...but my two favorite statements were:

"I didn't know Lily could stand on one leg?" and "Does Lily have a belly?"

Well yes, of course she does, it's just flat....so yeah, I'll be doing 1,000 sit ups tonight :)

...like a thief in the night

2010-03-02T15:26:00.003-05:00

Today's blog title may be a tad misleading, but whatever. I meant to write about this when it was fresh in my mind, but I'm still laughing about it...so...again...whatever. Z has actually been sleeping quite well; I've been impressed at his ability to throw together 9 to 11 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Well, uninterrupted may be misleading (I'm doing a lot of that today). He still talks in his sleep quite a bit and occasionally needs his daddy to come in his room before our alarm goes off...but we are fine with that.

I'm wondering when as a parent, you feel good about turning off the monitor completely? Is this another proverbial cord I need to cut? There are so many of those and I have a feeling there will be so many more...Anyway, Saturday night, I think it was around 2 a.m., I heard Z start his usual sleep moaning. But then when I noticed he started to cry I of course asked David if he heard that (my cue to make him get up haha) and he on cue, got up :) But Z kept crying and I heard him ask to blow his nose, so I knew he was awake. I got up and grabbed a tissue then headed into his room.

He was sitting on his knees in the middle of his bed just sobbing. I could tell this was not a night terror, because he was fully aware of us in his room so the conversation went a little like this...through tears and sniffy breathing:

Me: Why are you crying Zachary?

Z: I had a bad dream

Me: Oh I'm so sorry, what was it about?

Z: It was about the Pastor...about Pastor Bill

Me: (trying to not laugh out loud...sympathetic) Oh well, what happened?

Z: The pastor took all my stuffed animals out of my room and he took my books too

then the crying got worse again for a few seconds.

I was trying so hard not to laugh, because honestly, I can't imagine Pastor Bill taking anyone's stuffed animals and books.

I reassured Z that it was only a dream...wiped his tears...gave hugs and kisses, shuffled back to my bed and left David in there to console Z. He of course fell asleep with Z and I got our bed all to myself ahhhhhh :)

Four for Four

2010-02-24T09:26:00.002-05:00

So who's bright idea was it to have four shots at the four-year well-child ped visit? I hate needles so I think I was more anxious about this event than Z ever could have been. I had heard some say not to tell your child they are having shots, just take them to the doctor and spring it on them. I heard others say to warn them and not make a big deal about it. We chose the latter route simply because I know my Z and I know he likes to have all the facts and details about everything.

So when I mentioned his doctor visit about a week before the actual appointment, Z was full of all his usual questions...when, where, why, how and of course WHAT? He asked me where the shots would go and if they would hurt and I told him they would probably hurt just a little bit and then it would be over and we'd go do something he wanted to do. That was enough for him, he didn't make a big fuss at all. He mentioned several times to various people that after his birthday he would go to the doctor and have shots, but it was just a fact that he was stating.

So yesterday I didn't mention the doctor at all until I picked him up from school and he said "Oh, okay, I will go have my shots." The appointment was very normal, he's still taller than most kids his age and weighs more because of his height...I sometimes wonder where all those pounds go; he's so skinny! Dr. B came in and checked him out...eyes, ears nose, throat, heart, lungs oh and yes, boy parts.

Z giggled a little when Dr. B. looked down his pants and then matter of factly said..."Dr. Boarman! Why did you look at my (insert correct boy anatomy part here)?" Dr. B didn't hear him at first, so Z repeated louder. Then the doctor just said it was part of the exam to make sure it was okay and that seemed to pacify Z. Dr. B let Z use all his instruments and check out Tucker bear (who was still wearing his hospital gown and bandages from Z's tonsil surgery last summer) and our newly acquired "floppy cow" stuffed animals. He gave Z a sack full of goodies for his doctor kit at home and then he sent nurse Linda in with the infamous needles.

Z kept careening his head trying to watch the whole process and David and I kept telling him it might be better if he didn't watch, but there was really no stopping him. He was super curious even though a bit nervous. The first needle went in and all we heard from Z was a little grimace and an "ouch." The second needle got the same response. The third...well there was a little more nerves in his "ouch" and he added "that really hurt my leg!" But, we didn't get tears until the fourth one...the dreaded hot shot - MMR. So it burned and he let us know as much. He kept asking me when the needles were going to come out of his legs. Poor thing, thought Linda left them there. I assured him there were no needles in his legs and then he said "But, those needles left holes in my legs."

I had to explain the holes were so tiny that they already closed up and then we had a conversation about how porous skin is and how we already have holes all over our bodies...aye, aye, aye!

After two suckers and three stickers, Dr. B told Z that he really was one of his best ever patients and that if all patients were that good, Dr. B wouldn't be so old, HA! He also told me how smart he thinks Z is and how he must be reading on a second-grade level by now haha. I told him Z was more interested in geography than reading right now, but he's paying attention to his phonics as well. He asked Z if he'd ever thought of a career in acting and Z said he has (even though he likely doesn't know what that meant) and Dr. B said "Good, because you're way funnier than that kid on Two and a Half Men."

Now I'm gonna have to look up this TV kid and see what's he's talking about haha.

and it's One, Two, Three Frames, You're Out...

2010-02-19T10:06:00.003-05:00

Alrighty, Z's first bowling experience was not especially pleasant. You see, David is a serious bowler and he hasn't played in about 6 years. Yes, we've been married just under 6 years, so I suppose this is all my fault hmmm? Anyway, I got a little sneaky because I knew he missed it and he really needs a hobby. I got him hooked up with a league that plays on Friday nights. At first he was just going to be an alternate for the rest of this season, but it turns out there was an opening and now he's a full timer.

The first week, he went by himself, but last week we decided to make it a family affair. Now I'm not a big bowler by any stretch of the imagination. I do have fond memories of bowling alleys and nachos though as I used to tag along with my mom and grandma in their league bowling days. I know it sounds silly, but those were the best nachos in the world...or maybe it was just because my Ma bought them and shared them with me....probably the latter. Geez I miss her, but I digress.

So Z and I ate Nachos last week...they were pretty nasty, I must admit...and watched David bowl while we waited for our own lane. They finally called our name and said we could play one game if we were done in about 45 mins. I thought...NO problem, we'd be done in 30 or less...HA HA HA. We picked out our mighty 8 lb balls and put on those nasty shoes (I swear I'm not wearing them ever again, I forgot how completely unfashionable and ugly they are) Mine were fushia and neon yellow...seriously?

We got the computer set up and the bumpers raised and I led Z up to the line to push his ball....it was the slowest moving ball I've ever seen, and that's when I realized we'd be lucky to finish in an hour...much less 45 mins. By the third frame, he was getting bored....he pushed his ball and it went about 3 feet and pretty much stopped...great, now what? Well, I forgot how slippery the lanes were and told Z to just walk out there and give it a push. Losing mom points yet again, he shuffled out there and leaned down to push the ball and yes...he fell. He got up and then picked up the ball...crap....before I could tell him to put it down, he fell again - this time the ball landed on his lap, smushed his fingers to the wood lane and he was crying. Obviously only thinking of saving my child, I walked out onto the lane and yes, surely and very suddenly my legs flew out from under me and I landed flat on my tail bone, legs out in front barely missing my child's face with my nasty bowling shoes. That sent him into a bigger cry and there we sat 3 feet into the lane, me holding him while he cried. I'm still baffled by the way NOT ONE PERSON offered to help us out...RUDE. I later found out that one lady on David's team saw the whole thing and never bothered to tell him...nice, real nice. So we crawled out and Z decided right then and there he hated bowling and he would not push another ball.

I do not waste money and we had paid $12 for this awesome experience, so I had to finish the whole thing by myself. He followed me to the lane each frame, so I couldn't really swing the ball. I think I bowled about a 60 that night...nice, real nice. Oh, did I mention that I really could not care less about bowling?

Then in the 8th frame...some magical happened. The people in the next lane had this metal contraption, apparently made for children to roll the ball down onto the lane so it's not such a painful wait for the ball to make it to the pins. They let us use it and Z became an instant fan of the sport because now, it was not bowling, it was a ball on a roller coaster, flying down the lane to massively destruct white poles and then waiting for the ball to magically reappear in the ball return...how does that happen so fast anyway?

So tonight, we'll try our hand again at bowling...only this time, we'll use the roller coaster beginning on frame ONE! I think most of the soreness of last week's disaster has worn off and we'll try to toe the line this time :) Still not sure if Z is going to love this as much as his daddy.

Suck It O'Charley's ...umm let me explain

2010-02-19T08:56:00.003-05:00

So last night after work, we headed over to O'Charley's because we had a gift certificate to blow and we are a very "eat-out" kind of family. (Side note: if you ever don't know what to get any of us for anything...get us restaurant gift certificates lol). Z ordered chocolate milk, mandarin oranges and a house salad with white dressing and as we were waiting, he commenced singing The Ants Go Marching One by One Hoorah, Hoorah....well in the first verse the little one stops to suck his thumb yada yada. Z gets to verse three and can't remember what the little one stops to do....so he stops and then just loudly says SUCK IT!

Now I have to admit my reaction should've been more stern, however, all I could do was laugh hysterically. Pretty soon the waiter was in on the laughing and Z thought he was just the star of his own little show and so he kept repeating the phrase. I finally calmed down and told him that wasn't a good thing to say and he didn't understand because the little one stops to SUCK his thumb...we SUCK on lemons in our tea, etc. It was really hard to try to explain to my newly-turned 4 entertainer that in that context, it was not a nice thing to say. Let's see that would be mother-failure number...oh, I don't know....this week.

The moon is full of cheese and well, he's probably right

2010-02-04T13:18:00.002-05:00

For all I know, the moon IS full of cheese. It's more fun to think that anyway, right? Random conversations with an almost-4-year-old. Apparently this last full moon was the closest to the Earth the moon will be in well...a year. So it looked so huge and me and Z love to look at the moon anyway. I told him it was almost full...he asked me what was it full of and of course daddy told him cheese. I hope they don't really start taking a lot of tourists to the moon anytime soon because we are a fairly cheese-lovin culture and you'd probably get hungry on the moon. ...then in a few decades, no more moon...we will have made queso dip from the entire ball.

Dethroning the lion king

2010-01-13T13:00:00.005-05:00

Well, some people say that when they turn 4, a child magically becomes easier to discipline...let's hope that's true for Z...and us! We have plenty of good times and I love the discovery part of this age. We also have had intense power struggles, so we knew we needed to get a hold on Z's worldview really fast. You see, in his worldview, we are here to serve him, obey him and basically let me call all the shots whether it has to do with bedtime routines or when and why we leave the house. If we ever utter a word that might not fit into his daily plan, he gives us what for and fast. Sometimes that includes hitting, screaming, stomping and various other annoying reactions.

I admit, those reactions push every button I apparently have and I have been known to yell back, spank, and probably act a little immature myself.

Well it's time for that to all stop and for the little "king" to come down from the throne. Mama has been empowered and well, I would not try to cross her my little pretty :) I'm taking the scepter back!

It started this week with a hellacious a.m. battle that went something like this:

Me walking into Z's room in the early a.m. singing (yes it was a Monday): Good morning to you, good

Z interrupting with hands over face: DO ....NOT....LOOK...AT...ME

Me: hmmm okay (walked out to go get myself ready)

I went back into his room and flipped on a light in the front half of his room....not above his head. I needed that light to pick out clothes for him to wear to school. Mind you, I did NOT say a word to him before he started ranting at me.

Z: GET OUT OF HERE, I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT YOU, I DON'T LIKE YOU, WHO is gonna be my teacher?

Me: You need to stop being so rude, NOW, that's your only warning mister. We are going to get up and get ready for school.

Z: I DON'T WANT to go to school, I DON'T LIKE MY SCHOOL; I DON'T LIKE MY TEACHERS and I DON'T LIKE YOU MOMMY!

Me calmly: oh okay, well that's too bad that you feel that way. Please get out of your bed and let Daddy help with your clothes.

Z: NO, NO I WILL NOT GET UP, I WILL NOT GET ON MY CLOTHES, THEY ARE COLD, YOU GO PUT THEM IN THE DRYER AND WARM THEM UP...NOW

At that point, I just left the room. It was very difficult to do...to stay calm and not react...not give him what he was seeking...a giant blowup. So David went outside and started the car (it was 8 degrees so it would take awhile to warm up) and Z freaked out thinking we were leaving. He was yelling our names and I didn't answer. Pretty soon he got up, totally transformed (or so I thought) and from the top of the stairs said "I'm out of my bed."

So once he figured out we did not in fact leave him alone, he went back to his ranting at which point I just told David that after he came back from dropping us off to just remove the prized radio from Z's room. When all was said and done that morning, Z had said he was going to put himself in timeout and could not get ready yet because he was in said timeout. Well we don't do timeout anymore in the true sense of the word, but he doesn't know that. We didn't have time to do the full room time that our new strategy includes so I threatened to take him to school half dressed; he didn't like that...put himself back in timeout and began hitting the walls and anything that came remotely close to him...cats, daddy, etc. David wanted to spank him but I convinced him to hold off for the time (in hindsight he should've promptly been thrown over a knee and swatted about 3 times for complete defiance).

Long story somewhat shorter...bedtime came that night and I just felt all hades was going to break out when he saw that boom box gone so prior to that I offered to cuddle him in his bed for 5 mins after we read books and he said "Really? Okay, that means daddy won't have to do it tonight." haha anyway, we got into his room, climbed into bed and then this is what happened.

Z: Where is my radio?

Me: Well, do you remember this morning before school...how badly you acted? You were yelling at mommy and daddy and saying no about putting on clothes. And, you were hitting walls, spitting and disobeying our rules?

Z: uh huh, yes I do

Me: Well, that is why the radio is gone.

Z: okay, can I have it back now

Me: Most certainly not, it's gone for at least three days..at least until Thursday.

Z singing slowly to the tune of Oh My Darlin' Clementine: Sunday, Monday....Tuesday Wednesday...Thursday, Friday, Saturday....

Z : What is today Mommy?

Me: Monday

Z now starts to sing to the tune of frere Jacques: Today is Monday, Today is Monday all day long, all day long, tomorrow will be....Mommy, what is tomorrow?

Me: Tuesday

Z: tomorrow will be Tuesday, tomorrow with me Thursday? all day long, all day long

Me: Nope, tomorrow will be Tuesday, then you have Wednesday, then Thursday.

Z: oh....oh....where's my radio

Me: I already explained why your radio is gone.

Z: I know, but WHERE is it?

Me: I don't know.

Z: you don't know? why?

Me: because daddy put it away

Z: but, where?

Me: not important, end of discussion.

So not as bad as I thought.

Cue to Tuesday morning and the tantrum-prone king reduced to a prince at this point emerges from his room...willing gets half his clothes on then begins ranting again. Told David we once again cannot react emotionally to the outburst but there will now be no Mickey Mouse or Olivia the rest of the week. This has also not been a popular punishment, but this morning was a rare moment with Z getting dressed without a hitch. We briefly had a scuffle about how many dried pineapples he was going to get after he ate his toast, but he realized he wasn't winning so he forfeited this one. Took him to school with white eyes instead of red, breathing normally...wow, not bad.

I know we are not finished the decoronation process, but I think he's starting to see he is not going to phase me with his antics anymore and that it really is in his best interest to be a subject, not royalty. I have felt amazingly liberated by remaining very calm. I'm sure my blood pressure thanks me.

Hopefully we won't ever get to the point where we have to "kick him out of the garden of eden" as John Rosemond says....but I wouldn't hesitate too much if that is what it takes to reign in this "ruler" so that he'll be a respectful, self-controlled ...and yes, sweet, child very soon.

Good Riddence 2009 :)

2009-12-31T19:14:00.002-05:00

Well I almost forgot my password, it's been so long since I logged in...ooops. Seriously though, October and November were so jam packed with photo sessions, I barely had time to breathe. But, I loved every minute of it and I am looking forward to spring to do it all over again.

I don't think I can ever remember a year with so much grief and sorrow packed into 52 weeks as this year and I'm ever hopeful that 2010 will not follow that same pattern. We lost so many people we loved this year and though I absolutely believe they are in a better world with Christ, I still miss them dearly in this world.

So here's to you my dear friends who are celebrating a New Year and a New Life:
Angela Cox -I can still hear you laugh and I can still see your smile.
David Meade- I can still hear your wit and sarcasm and my blue office walls remind me of the work you put into them everyday!
Alecia Ward - I still think of you everytime I go to Walmart and see some choice "fashion" bloopers. I still hear your laugh and sarcasm and how you always were so interested in my life.
Joe Hughes - I'll never forget how you made me feel so at home in your home and in your family during my college years at OSU.
Leroy Cravens - I can still see your sweet face sitting at the back of the church on a Wed. night waving at me as I sang.
Malinda Bowman - Wow, I have so many memories...starting Collegiate CattleWomen with you at OSU, visiting you during your illness, seeing your positive outlook even in the worst of times...your faith has inspired me.
Jean McCoy - David's aunt was a special lady and we were shocked to lose her this week. I still remember her hugs and smiles and hospitality.

Aside from all the sadness, there has been plenty of joy....David finished his MBA; Zachary started preschool and wow is he smart. Zachary also moved up into the official boy's gymnastic's program at Legacy and WOW, he's so strong and so talented. We hope he continues to enjoy it there.

We've met new friends, reconnected with old friends and tried our best to maintain friendships with all we can. We were blessed to spend time with my mom and sister for an extended time around Thanksgiving and it was just what I needed. Made me realize once again how much I miss home.

Well friends, I hope you're holding your family close and not taking anything or anyone for granted as you go into 2010. May you be blessed beyond meausre and fully experience the grace and power of God in this coming year.!

Mary and baby....Ryker?

2009-10-27T07:58:00.002-04:00

Our hairstylist's name is Mary and she's been cutting Z's hair since he was barely two. She's struggled with fertility but finally God blessed her with a healthy baby last week! Z's been to her salon several times during the pregnancy and we talked about the baby a lot. He's also begged me to read the Bible story about Mary and baby Jesus a lot in the past few months...it's about the only Bible story he wants to hear at this point.

So last Friday we were driving to St. Joe East to see Mary and the baby and I told Z he couldn't go in because they weren't letting kids under 18 in anymore with the swine flu being so widespread. He was miffed and didn't understand and I finally figured out why.....

Z: I want to go in with you!
Me: Sorry, they just won't let kids in the hospital right now, but I'll tell Mary you said hello.
Z: NO, I want to see the baby Jesus, mommy!
Me: Oh no, baby this isn't the baby Jesus, Mary's baby's name is Ryker
Z: No it's not!
Me: Yes, it is.
Z: No, I don't like Ryker, I like Jesus!

After awhile I THINK I finally helped him understand the difference, but he was digging in his heels pretty good on this one.

MANitude

2009-10-13T07:44:00.004-04:00

It's pretty mind baffling to watch a boy grow up. Since I grew up mostly in a house of girls, all this is quite new to me. I didn't even know my brothers until I was nearly grown myself, so that didn't prepare me for this either. Regardless it's becoming very clear to me that boys are just boys and no one really has to teach them to be boys.

The interest in all things cars, trucks, trains, airplanes and imitating loud and proud animals hasn't surprised me. I'm quite used to Z running through the house in full lion mode trying to scare anything that will pay attention to him. What I'm not used to is the "man"itude. That's my new word for the day...combination of man and attitude...manitude :) It's the only way I can describe the next few scenarios. I think all boys adopt the manitude at different ages and mine has gotten a full dose early on. It's all prety humorous to witness, especially when you realize it's completey genetic and inherant.

We tried to go to the new Cracker Barrel in Nicholasville yet again. And again, the wait was 45 minutes, which is just a no-go with a three-year-old boy with manitude, no matter how good the mac n cheese promises to be. So we went across the road to Bob Evan's. We had explained to Z over and over again that we couldn't go to CB because it was just too crowded - our first mistake I suppose.

Before the hostess could really ever greet us, Z started talking to her and informed her that "We came here cuz Crackah Bare was too crowded." Nice, where did he learn such tact? Well she thought that was pretty funny and told him she thought he was just too cute. At which point, he put his hand in his coat pocket and said "AND...I have money!" He pulled out a quarter and a penny to show her, but she couldn't see that, she was too busy laughing her head off, along with people behind the counter who kept saying "Did he really just say that?" Umm, yes he did. Apparently no one has to tell little boys that some girls are impressed by money. But I guess I don't have to worry, no goldigger would get too serious about 26 cents, right?

Fast forward a week or so and Z is busy trying to stuff his foam alaphabet puzzle squares into a paperlike backsack freebie that I brought back from MOPS convention. The only problem was the foam squares were wider than the sack and it began to tear. Z came to me and told me to "FIX IT MOMMY!" He was distraught and there was really no way to fix it right...it was torn and I'm not going to sew paper. I kept trying to tie the cords in a way that would make it appear fixed, but it wasn't working and so then came another MANitude gem "Mommy? Do you need a man to fix it?" WHAT....I asked him to repeat it because surely I had not heard that right and besides I'm pretty much the fix it person around our house anyway. It's not strange to see me with a drill, hammer, screwdriver...whatever. So sure enough he said it again....do you need a MAN to fix it? Well, I replied, abosolutely NOT!

I managed to rig that thing up, I had to at that point. When I was finished I called him back over and said "LOOK, a WOman fixed it!"

What happens at convention stays at convention

2009-09-28T07:17:00.003-04:00

Okay, just returned yesterday from MOPS convention in Nashville. It was amazing, uplifting, motivating, challenging and exhausting all at the same time. The music was indescribable, just completely off the charts good. It was great to spend quality time with other moms like Sharyl, Gina, Holly, Jana, Sarah, Lisa, Amber and new friend Betsy! We don't often get extended periods to just talk without being interrupted by little voices or tugs on our clothing. I think though that we all missed those interruptions and tugs more each day we were gone though. I'll keep parts of the experience with me for a long time and no I can't talk about everything because well, some things are better kept among mommies :)

While I won't go into detail about the mommy talks, I will recall a few funny stories regarding my phone calls home to Z. The first night was hard for him and he really was upset with me because I was not going to be there to hug him goodnight, but he trudged on and so did I. He kept telling me he didn't want me to be in Nashville and asking if it was far away...in his mind, him upstairs and me downstairs is sometimes considered far away, so this was a stretch. I reassured him that Deanna's mommy, Ezekiel's mommy, Eli's and Mac's mommy were with me (he knows all these ladies pretty well so I thought that would help. He was still pretty sad and I could barely take the broken up quality in his voice.

Z: Mommy, when you comin' home?
Me: Saturday
Z: Today is Thursday?
Me: yes, then it's friday and then Saturday
Z: When it's Saturday you will be home?
Me: yes, that's what I said.
Z: Are you coming home today?

That circle went around about three times, but he finally accepted it...at which point he told me he was sick, he swallowed a rock and he needed me to come home and take him to the doctor so his throat wouldn't hurt.

So Friday was a little better. I called to tell him goodnight and things were better. In the middle of the conversation it's as if a little light bulb went on in his head "OH MOMMY, Tomorrow IS Saturday!" haha, gaining such a good grasp of the days of the week.

Saturday morning, I called again during a break to see what he was up to and began telling me how his fan blade were broken and he needed to get a ladder and climb up there and fix them. How I needed to go get some batteries for the fan because it was just not working. I explained that ceiling fans don't need batteries. When he asked me what then do they need, I made the mistake of saying "electricity." I should've known that would lead into 15 minutes of question and answer about electricity....he was so interested in learning how it gets from the box in the office to the fan in his room and how it runs through the walls, etc. I was at a loss for explaination at times and just hoping he'd be satisfied with what I said. Ifinally had to cut him off and tell him to go ask daddy hahaha. Sorry David :)

When convention ended, we were on the road and calling our families to let them know how long we'd be and Z answered the phone.

Z: what are you doing mommy?
Me: Driving home, just leaving Nashville.
Z: No you're not.
Me: ummm, yes I am.
Z: No mommy, your car is HERE!
Me: OH well I'm in Miss Gina's car.
Z: you're not driving.
Me: no, you're right, I'm not.
Z: seeeee

(perceptive little cuss isn't he?)

I put him on speaker phone and told him Miss Gina and Miss Sharyl were in the car with me. He told them he could see the moon...Z: "Well part of it, part of it is lighted and part of it isn't." Too funny, I guess it was a half-moon; we couldn't see since we were about to drive into a torrential downpour.

Z asked me where Miss Sharyl was after I took him off speaker. I told him she was in the backseat and he told me I needed to get her for him. I'm not quite sure what he talked to her about, but I'm fairly sure it was entertaining.

I got home at midnight, so too late to sit and talk with Z, but I went in and hugged and kissed him in his sleep...he sighed and was so peaceful. I couldn't wait until Sunday morning. I was just really anticipating his excitement to see me...expecting that whole running and screaming mommy scenario...well, not so much.

He came in my room and then started screaming that he didn't want to get in bed with me, didn't want to cuddle with me and didn't want to see me...ugh what a let down. I told him fine, I'd just go back to Nashville...took me actually starting to get out of bed to follow through with the threat before he came to hug me...welcome home...right?

Clean Sweep...Toys R'Us, we ain't

2009-09-09T06:59:00.002-04:00

For the past couple months, we have been dealing with a very troubling attitude from Z. He wants to be in control and every attempt we make to show him he's not, he shows us how much he doesn't like it with all the ire and contempt you'd expect from a strong-willed 3-year-old boy...plus some.

I should've known there would be issues of control from the countless nights I had to spend bouncing up and down on the exercise ball , holding Z tight to my chest as he struggled to show me he was not going to sleep. Then we hit this honeymoon phase when he was about 10 months to 15 months where he would comply with just about every request I made...don't touch that, hands off...he immediately did what I said. We were amazed that we had such a little obedient child. I think he was already starting to pull the wool over our eyes.

When he walked at 7.5 months, that should've been a clue that this child was fiercely independent and it would be our biggest struggle and probably one of his greatest traits...once he learns to use it the right way.

Lately anything we ask him to do is met with a bold "NO!" or "I DON'T want to, I WON'T." This is usually followed by crossing his arms, lower lip protruding and devil stares. Time outs and spankings and removing a few prized possessions is occassionally a temporary fix, but I knew we were coming to a crossroads where I would have to take a stand and show him he is NOT the boss...although he likes to tell me he is, literally.

So last night, we got home from preschool about 4:15 and I gave him a choice of watching Mickey Mouse or helping me fix supper. He first chose the TV but very quickly decided he'd rather help cook. He was a great helper and so proud of himself for the things he was able to do.

When supper was ready, I made his plate up for him after he chose what fruit he wanted...I scooped out some spaghetti, cut up the peaches and plced it on the table. He climbed up there and took one look at the plate and the switch flipped. He said he didn't want to eat and promptly pushed his plate across the table and threw his fork on the floor. I told him fine, and took the plate away...then he of course said no, he did want it. Well I wasn't going to have this argument and told him his behaviour was unacceptable, then told him he could either sit at the table and eat supper with us or he could sit on the stairs in time out...and that if he could not decide I would decide for him - and my choice was time out.

In short, he couldn't decide so I started to carry him to time out and he began kicking and screaming, daddy popped his bottom and took him to the stairs. Once there, he proceeded to throw the timeout timer across the kitchen and start hitting and kicking the walls. I went to talk to him about it and he took a swing at me, so then I picked him up and popped his bottom. This all just seemed to infuriate him more and so then daddy took him to his room. More banging, throwing things so right then I made a decision...it was time for the clean sweep.

I walked in his room and began to gather up his toys. At first, he stopped crying because he was curious as to what I was doing and asked about it. I told him he no longer deserved his toys and he would have to earn them back. As he watched me remove toy after toy, stuffed animal after stuffed animal and even the big fluffy rocking horse, he held onto a stuffed "boinger" ball, layed on top of it and began to sob huge crocodile tears. I almost lost it, but I knew I had to stay firm and finish the job. Once every toy was in a closet in our bedroom, I went back in and Z told me I'd forgotten some things and HE carried them to the closet...not sure what that was about because then he ran sobbing back to his room, slammed the door and started asking for his toys back.

By this time, I was sitting on my bed crying, thinking I was damaging him for life and that I would never get this mother stuff. I started second guessing myself, like all mothers do I suspect. It's hard to discipline your children....really hard.

The only "fun" item left in Z's room was his railroad crossing bank....and when he didn't stop banging the door, I went in and took that too. I told him when he was ready to talk about his actions, he could come out of his room, but he'd need to tell mommy and daddy he was sorry.

Little sucker stayed in there for about 20 mins....he missed gymnastics. Once he finally emerged he still had a little fire in him, you could tell it was just waiting to be stoked, but he did finally apologize and for that we allowed him to have one item of his choice back. What did he pick? The silly little Frische's Big Boy figurine bank. I thought he'd learned something, but I guess it takes longer than that.

I had to go to a parent/teacher meeting at his school, so I left at 6...I'm told about 10 mins later he lost the big boy bank again....sigh. Threw a wall-eyed fit in the bathtub splashing and kicking water everywhere and just had a miserable evening.

At the meeting, which once again God was showing me he's not leaving me hanging...it was providence that I even had this meeting on the night of the clean sweep, I told his teacher of our struggles the past few months and she was shocked. She said she never saw any of that behaviour at school...that he was very well behaved and cooperative. Even though I was confused by the stark difference, she wasn't. She said if he did it in both situations, we'd have something to worry about, but since we knew he could control his emotions and actions the majority of the day it was probably a case of releasing his feelings at home.

She reassured me I was doing the right thing by giving him choices and that is exactly what they do at school. She urged me to back off the spanking because it clearly was just escalating the problem and that more creative discipline was probably going to be more effective. When I told her the story of our supper explosion, she smiled and said she could give some insight...that in a Montessori school, meal time is family style. They don't fix the children's plates. Instead, they place bowls of food on a small table and children make their own choices about what they will eat and they serve themselves, then they clear the table and wash their own dishes. So she suggested we let Z try to serve himself...that maybe he has a picture of what his plate will look like in his head and then we serve it and it's "all wrong" which causes some frustration and he doesn't know how to fix it.

Just talked to David and apparently Z earned back his big railroad crossing bank this morning for being so cooperative....maybe there's something to this...only time will tell. I guess that will require patience...oh crap!

The Policeman and the Playa'

2009-09-04T06:43:00.002-04:00

I have to backtrack a bit and tell a little story from earlier in the week. Zachary and I were coming home from preschool on Tuesday, when I apparently grazed a stop sign in our neighborhood. Yes, I know...I'm such a bad driver...whatever. I thought I stopped, so I was quite surprised to see the cop in my driveway behind me as I got out of the car. He quickly announced over the megaphone that I was to REMAIN in the CAR, MISS!

Just then, I had visions of my neighbors, who were outside doing various things, thinking they had some drug dealer next door. So I got back in the car, but left the driver door open because it was pretty hot and he wasn't letting me turn my car back on because oh yeah, I was going to either drive it through my brick house or back over his car....with my preschooler in the backseat, mmm hmmmm.

We argued momentarily about whether or not I stopped at the sign and then he asked for my insurance info, which of course was inside the house, just steps away. He told me that didn't matter, if it wasn't in the car, it was a violation. Geez, can I catch a break here? He went back to his car and Zachary was asking all sorts of questions, but the most prominent one "Are you in time out mommy?" Ummm, yes I guess I was in a way, so I told him that yes, mommy broke the rules and must sit and wait for the policeman to tell her what to do. He had obviously heard the cop telling me I didn't stop so he began to question why I didn't stop, where I didn't stop and when. I explained all of it and finally the cop came back and said he'd been able to find my insurance proof on the computer and he was just going to give me a warning.

Zachary, "Thank you Mister Policeman, My mommy WILL stop tomorrow!"

The cop got a chuckle out of this was and laughing on his way back to the car. Z got out and walked toward his car waving and telling him repeatedly that mommy would stop at the signs tomorrow. And believe me, he hasn't let me live it down. He's been asking at every intersection..."Is there a stop sign there, did you stop Mommy?" I GET IT!! :)

Zachary's had a tough transition into preschool. He's been very adamant in the morning that he doesn't want to go to school, usually followed by many tears and screams and just generally a bad attitude. However, the past two or three days, the morning fits have eased and he's even shoved Daddy out the door of the school after getting dropped off.

I wondered why such a drastic change in attitude...was he finally adjusting and enjoying his class, teachers, etc. so much that he didn't even think about missing us? Well, I think I've figured it out....it's spelled C-A-M-R-Y-N.....yes, my 3-year-old has a girlfriend....well more than one, but I digress.

Now I must say that we met Camryn in a round about way. On Tuesday after the po po incident, we took Z to gymnastics. We were sitting upstairs in the observation area watching his class and we got to talking to another couple about our kids. They said they had a 3.5 year old...and her birthday ends up being just about a week apart from Z's. We then figured out that they are in the same montessori preschool...in the same class. Now at gymnastics, she is in a different class, but they are right next to Z's class. Her mom said it was funny, because the more she thought about it, Camryn had been coming home talking about a new kid named Zach.

So afterward, we are introducing them to each other....but really they already knew.

I go to pick up Z last night and he's walking around the playground with her and Miss Jalina proceeds to tell me they've pretty much been inseperable and holding hands all day -- they even fell asleep at naptime holding hands under the mat....hmmmm

So I ask him about Camryn last night and he tells me she is his girlfriend....wow okay, you're THREE lol. He said Kenzie is his girlfriend too, at church! But then starts giggling and saying Taylor and Piper are his girlfriends too...and then he added ME to the mix. Okay, I think we're good for now....hope Camryn's mom thinks so too! :)

The Corn Farmer Goes to Montessori

2009-08-13T12:52:00.003-04:00

It's been a weird week for me. I know I wasn't preparing my little bean for kindergarten or anything that lofty, but sending him off to Montessori preschool was more major for me than I had imagined. I even had to wait to write about it and pair it with a funny story to keep me from crying over it again.

It's not that I'm sad...or am I? I mean, it's such a conflict of emotion. Here is this little person that God himself has entrusted to my care and more and more, he needs my care less and less...does that make any sense? It's so amazing to watch him sprout before my eyes and see the wisdom and knowledge he's already gaining; I don't think I've ever been more proud of any one person in my life. So my tears are partly happy in nature because I know that despite all my flaws, I'm doing a decent job of getting him through his early years. But the tears are also sad because my baby is growing up and needing me less. When I was taking his picture in front of the wooden gate at school, thoughts of him getting married and having children started flooding my mind as if preschool suddenly catapults us to that time...oh please!

Z was so excited to get to school, he would hardly sit for a picture before we left. We got to school and the rush began. I could see Z looking back and forth at me and his teacher while we were talking and his grip on my hand got tighter and tighter. I could tell his anxiety was building and he kept saying "don't leave me mommy!" It was almost more than I could bare and I wished more than once that I could just pick him up and rush out of there, but I tried my best to hold back the tears and we trudged on. Once we had everything squared away and it was time to say goodbye (but not for more than an hour..you see I'd bought the wrong size nap pillow so I would have to go get that and come back). He asked me to pick him up and I did. As I felt his arms tighten around my neck I started to get weepy again ...but maybe it was from the lack of oxygen, I digress. The teacher was shaking her head no at me...I KNOW I KNOW he can't see me cry...I KNOW that...so I quickly handed him to her and told him I loved him and then once I was in the safe and private confines of my car, the dam broke and I couldn't hold back the waterfall that ensued. I cried all the way home as hard as I could. I don't know why I bothered to wear mascara to the drop off, it was gone in no time! Once I had composed myself at home I went to get the pillow and took it back to school.

When I walked in the room, Z was sitting in a circle with several kids and his new teacher Miss Christina...I was being so quiet, hoping not to let him see me since he was very engaged. Then out of nowhere a little girl says "ZACHARY, your MOMMMY is HERE!!!!" I was like "CRAP!!!" How could he have already started a Zach gang in less than an hour?! Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad that he has the ability to talk to anyone about anything and feel comfortable in most situations, but this was one time where I wished he hadn't already become so popular. He came running asking if he was going home, telling me he ate breakfast there, that he was going to take a nap there with his new blankie, blah blah blah...told ME to be a good girl and that he loved me and then basically shoved me out the door.

I truly believe that God made us to not pay attention to pillow size requirements. Some people will laugh and shrug this off...but I think he knew I'd need a reason to go back and see Z happy and content and not have to leave him with a frown on his face in a new place...I really believe my God loves me enough to give me that small blessing and I will not forget it!

Oh back to the Corn Farmer reference!! Tuesday night Z and I were on our way home from his last day at Linda's house when we hit Nicholasville Rd. traffic at SOUTHPOINT...dead stop, so there was no way I was sitting in that. We drove through Southpoint, Brannon Crossing, Ashgrove Pike to Mackey Pike to Vince Rd to Hwy 169 and I KNOW we got home faster than if we'd stayed on 27!

Regardless, we passed a huge corn field, just ripe for the pickin and here is the conversation that sparked:

Z: What IS that?!?
Me: Corn
Z: No it's not!
Me: Yes, it's what corn looks like before it goes on your plate

Now in between all these statements, he's flicking his tongue back and forth and I'm just watching in the rear view as the wheels turn at warp speed in his brain....every statement fully calculated.

Z: I will pick it!
Me: No honey, you don't need to do that.
Z: I WILL!
Me: No they have a machine for that...that picks all the corn.
Z: Where is that machine?!
Me: I don't know, the farmer has it somewhere and he'll use it very soon.
Z: I will shuze it (shuze is how he says USE)
Me: No, the farmer will use it.
Z: I will the farmer; I will be the corn farmer TODAY!
Me: No, that's not your farm and besides I thought you wanted to be a fireman (last week's precoccupation)
Z: Nah...I aready did that
Me: oh you did?
Z: yeah, yesterday I did; today I will be the corn farmer!
Me: well, whatever
Z: (random) but I will be a BAT for Halloweeeeeeen and you will be SCARED OF ME grrrrrr

I'm exhausted.

He talks to God

2009-07-23T08:30:00.003-04:00

Zachary loves to help water the flowers in the beds out front. He thinks the stream coming from the hose attachment looks like rain and so he's "raining" on the flowers. You can imagine when real rain comes, it makes him a bit frustrated because he can't use the hose and make rain.

We have had a very unusual July with temps in the 70s most days...a few 80s, but very rare. It's the coldest summer I can ever remember and the most rainy too. The great part is that everything is so green...the bad part is telling your kid he can't swim today because it's too cold and you need a thermal shirt to go riding pedal boats at the park...UGH!

Anyway, yesterday was one of those really rainy cool days and Z definitely wasn't happy about it. After work, we stopped at Q'doba before I had to go to church and Z had to go to gymnastics. He really wanted a chicken quesadilla (had been asking for it for breakfast for two days) so who was I to deny him? He picked out a booth by the window and did his normal stand up-sit down, bang shoes against the booth seat, turn in circles as he eats routine. Then out of nowhere he stops and just stares out the window for the longest time. I asked him what he was looking at and he said "nufin mommy, I's just talkin to God."

Me: Oh really? What were you talking to him about.
Z: I's just tellin him to STOP that rain!
Me: oh, but why?
Z: (gesturing with both hands and bending over for emphasis) Because, we have a hose!
Me: Okay, but why does that mean the rain should stop?
Z: BECAUSE MOMMY, we can do the rain ALL.....BY....Ourselves...with our hose, yep, we can!

I guess I've told him before that he can't water the flowers because God decided he needed to do it that day (when it's raining.)

The Flyby "Summer"

2009-07-23T08:11:00.002-04:00

Well, I'm surprised blogspot actually let me log in again; it's been so long. But I've been so incredibly busy, the blog just fell by the wayside. Right after the last post, we traveled to Texas for my cousin Leslie's wedding reception cruise. It was a blast to meet up with family south of Houston and spend several hours floating around Galveston Bay on a 90 foot yacht. The kids had so much fun. It was SOOOOO hot! But it was still wonderful. We were worn out after that cruise, but I still went with Lori and David and the kids back to Kemah Boardwalk for dinner and fun. The next day we went to the NASA Spacecenter in the early part of the day and finished it off with a trip to Galveston ...the beach and Fish Tales. I was amazed how good the actual beach looked just a half-year after IKE decimated it. Apparently they trucked in tons and tons of sand to rebuild. There was still damage everywhere, but the people seemed to have weathered it all fairly well, considering. I think the fairy is even operating again to Bolivar, but I can't be sure; we didn't have time to go check it out. Zachary was pretty miserable during the trip as he coughed and coughed and just could never get well after having strep throat, but he still had a great time and we'd soon learn why he couldn't get better.

Another reason I got off blogtrack is that I finally started my own photography business after years of thinking about it. I got off my duff and just did it and I've been overwhelmed with clients...I'm not complaining. I LOVE it. If I could do this full time, it would be a dream. Maybe someday!

Back to Z not getting better after strep. We referred ourselves to the ENT clinic and the dr. told us that Z's tonsils were huge, almost touching in fact so they had to come out. I didn't really have a lot of time to get used to the idea that my baby was going to have surgery since they scheduled it only 10 days after that appt. That's probably a good thing for Z and me.

He was such a trooper at the hospital. He didn't even cry when they took him down the hall in a little red car. The doors of the surgery hall opened and there were several nurses and doctors all waiting there and calling him by name. When the surgery was wrapped up, the doc came to talk to us and I asked if he cried when he got to the OR. Dr. Younes (whom Z deemed Dr. Seuss by the way) said "Cry? He did not cry. He was back there introducing everyone to his teddy bear." When Z and Tucker (the bear) came out of surgery, Tucker had a gown on, a guaze wrap on his arm, bandaids and even a hospital bracelet...but Z didn't care, he was flaming mad coming out of the anesthesia. The only blessing of that was that we got to see him sooner as they needed help calming him down. I remember walking into the recovery area and I could hear him screaming. It almost made me cry too. He was so disoriented and scared. The nurse holding him handed him to me and said "here ya go, mom" in a relieved tone haha.

We finally got him calmed down and he was able to drink some apple juice. An hour later, we were on our way home. Now luckily my mom was with us...David had surprised me by flying her in the night before...because she was the only one who Z would take his medicine for. All I had to do was threaten to call her into the room and he would finally take it after screaming and flailing about for several minutes.

We had a rough 10 days. Z had night terrors, apparently a result of something traumatic coming out of the anesthesia and he was in horrific pain for the majority of those days. I thought it would never end and I thought we'd never sleep again. But things are getting back to normal and he's sleeping better for the most part now that we are 3 weeks out of the surgery. He still gets scared and still wakes up a time or two but it's getting less intense. Now if we could only get rid of this pesky thrush infection....wow, it's stubborn!

"Actorvating"

2009-05-25T14:13:00.002-04:00

This morning I was laying in bed, the day was already in full swing. It was 8 a.m. I was in shock because I was still uninterrupted. But soon enough I heard the familiar door opening, closing...then my door closing and so I pretended to be asleep as Zachary climbed in bed beside me then laughed softly in my face. I opened my eyes to find his smiling face right above mine. He was ready for a bit more than cuddling though as the jumping and rolling began I just had to soak it in for a moment because these lazy mornings are so rare.

He asked me where we were going; I told him nowhere. He was very confused because 99 days out of 100, we get up and rush around and go somewhere...to Linda's, to my office, to church, gymnastics, etc. Then Theta, the alpha cat in the house, joined us on the bed. Now, everytime Z and Theta are in the same bed, Z thinks he needs to hold Theta and Theta thinks otherwise, so there's a little wrestling match between the two them until Theta gives up or I make Z leave her alone. Apparently I've often told him to stop aggravating the cat many times. Today he wanted to climb up behind my pillow to get her and I wouldn't let him. He crossed his arms arm pouted his lips and flopped down beside me and said "YOU are actorvating me!" I couldn't understand at first, so I had him repeat and he said it again, "YOU are ACTORVATING me, mommy!" I said OHHH aggravating? He said 'YES!" I couldn't help laugh. This child prides himself on getting big words out correctly...too cute

10 years ago

2009-05-01T09:44:00.009-04:00

It's hard to believe it's been 10 years today that I set out in a U-haul truck, my brother-in-law behind the wheel, for the great unknown...Kentucky. I really didn't know a single soul, aside from a high-school/college friend living in nearby Richmond, in Lexington.

I still remember the weekend I left and started this new chapter in such vivid detail. I remember driving out of my sister's driveway, waving to her and my mom - fighting back tears for miles and miles, yet so excited to see where the journey would lead.

After two days on the road and David H. leaving a pair of wet shorts (he'd gone swimming the night before and left them in the hotel dryer) at the hotel in Paducah and almost running out of gas in the U-haul between Paducah and Etown on the barren W. Kentucky Parkway, we finally arrived in Lexington. We moved everything in and realized that the cable and phone would not be turned on for awhile. The next morning, I drove David to the airport and inadvertently left my debit card there. I drove back to my apartment, sat on my bed and cried, wondering what the heck I'd done and how I could be so insane.

Then the very next day, Oklahoma experienced the worst tornado outbreak ever, with an F-5 touching down not too far from where my mom works and lives. I was so out of my mind with worry. I didn't have a phone yet and I had to keep driving to the payphone and even then it was so hard to get through. Each time I did get through my mom or sister was telling me how they were needing to get to the shelter. I didn't get much sleep that night and showed up on my second day of work with what most Okies know as "tornado eyes." I questioned my decision even more at that time, wondering how I could do such a thing; how could I leave them so far away...for what?

But really, that's how I've lived my whole life...getting into things I've never done, going to places I've never been, trusting that God really does have a plan for it all. I've questioned that plan so many times since I've been in Kentucky, but for some reason He still has me here and hasn't allowed me to go "home" yet. I say "home," when in reality, this day actually puts a shadow of question on that word. I've never called Kentucky home and always said that I've never lived any one place more than 10 years...well after today, I have....so does that make Kentucky "home" now? I don't know, I'm still trying to get my mind around that one.

I think home to me will always be me and my sister dressed up in our Easter dresses, holding our baskets and posing for a picture for mom at Ma and PaPa's house in Dallas.

Home will always be trying hard to wake my sister up on Christmas morning to remind her that Santa came and she absolutely needs to come see what he brought.

Home will always be me and Lori trying to outrun a tornado to get to Dallas when Ma died so we could be with our mother when she buried her own mother. Home will always include outrunning a tornado period :)

Home will always be crying like a baby each time I have flown back from Oklahoma to Kentucky...putting on a happy face before the security gate and then ducking into the nearest bathroom to weep.

Home will always be welcoming so many of my family to Kentucky for my wedding a week shy of 5 years ago, even my pastor and his wife from CHBC and Barbara T! Oh what a glorious home feeling that was that day to see everyone in the same place and long for the ones who couldn't come to be with us.

Home will always be the surprise of an early baby Zachary, who was done baking a few weeks before we thought we should turn the oven off. And then waiting and worrying as MawMaw trekked across 3 airports and two airlines over an 18-hour period to be with us within 24-hours of the birth.

Home will always be watching that sweet baby boy grow up and amaze me in new ways everyday.

Home will someday be the culmination of ALL these things and so much more as we gather around our heavenly Father and make new, PERFECT memories together.

Basically, the old adage is true...home IS where your heart is....not neccessarily where your physical body resides.

However, I do hope that my physical body resides closer to my heart in the near future ;) it sure would make things a lot more bearable!

All our men?

2009-04-02T20:16:00.000-04:00

There is a prayer the cubbies sing before snack time and Zachary makes us sing it at home as well. Usually just before dinner, but tonight he wanted it during bedtime prayers. Who am I to say no to a kid who wants to pray right?

Well he insisted on singing it himself, which is always cute...but tonight I heard this:

God our Father
God our Father
once again
we bow our heads and thank you
All our men
All our men!

I raised up my head and said "WHAT?" He just grinned, I think he knew full well what he was doing! This after a night of him introducing himself to every stranger by his full name...ZacharyHarrisNielson...all one word and said VERY fast :)

"Donald's" is a confusing place to a kid

2009-04-02T08:32:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was beautiful and I had the bright idea we would eat outside since it's Spring Break and no church supper. My plan was the more healthy Panera, Zachary's plan was the less healthy "donald's," what he calls McDonald's. He was set on playing on the slides and eating outside so I caved and said we'd do it.

We arrived, ordered and received our junk food and made our way to the playground door. When what to our wandering eyes did appear? A bright, sunny playground behind a locked door. The fit almost immediately ensued, but we calmed it by saying we'd go talk to the manager. That didn't do much good; they said it was closed because the tubes were wet inside and it just wasn't safe. I immediately began wondering why they were wet because I obviously hadn't woken up for the monsoon the night before. I was really confused, but began to explain to Z that it just wasn't going to happen today. Before you know it, several kids were on the verge of throw downs because of that locked door!! But fortunately, mine just gazed wistfully at the bright-colored playplace through the glass window, thinking of happier days.

RIP March 2009...or wait

2009-04-01T16:09:00.003-04:00

I have been telling everyone how thankful I am that March 2009 is finally over...and in many ways, I am. I'm glad the initial shock and grief of losing two dear friends is over. At the same time, I can't say that the past month didn't teach me lessons in unconditional love, faithfulness, kindness of strangers and the ability to explain real emotions to a preschooler. I am grateful for those lessons and I hope I don't soon forget them.

March reinforced to me that it is RIGHT to love people just for who they are, where they are and in spite of their human condition because frankly, mine isn't much better!

March taught me that it's perfectly okay to sob mercilessly in front of your family and let them comfort you by any means possible, even if it's by giving you a softball before they give you a hug.

March taught me how important friendships really are and it's made me want to be a better friend to my own friends. To really listen when they tell me how they are doing, especially if I asked in the first place.

March has taught me that it's okay to question God about his plan and to really pour out all my anger and frustration to Him. And then, wait for Him to give me some peace and a little clarity about things...and yes, I'm still waiting, but I'm not mad.

March also taught me that winter can wax and wane with teases of Spring. Just like the coldness and warmth of life itself. We often see glimpes of the warm, sunny days ahead, but the cold and dark will always return until we are finally home.

RIP David Meade

2009-03-31T19:59:00.002-04:00

I never in a million years would have dreamed I would have to try and memorialize two great friends in less than a month. But that is the reality and I've been taking time to remember some really special memories of Angela and of David. It hasn't been difficult; we made plenty.

I remember when I first met David, I thought he was larger than life and I was intimidated by him and several others at Porter. I could tell they were all very good friends and I thought it would take a lot of work to integrate into the group. But, I was wrong and first impressions could never be more wrong.

On one of the first Sundays I visited Porter, some of the singles invited me to lunch at Schlotsky's. I remember just observing the dynamics and the personalities during that lunch and I came away from it thinking Angela was Melinda (Cravens) Bridges roommate and that Melinda was somehow pregnant with David's baby!!! Wow, that was soooooo not right hahaha. I quickly learned that my perception was way off and then it didn't take long at all to really start caring about my new friends. I loved hanging out with them as much as possible. Mostly I remember Angela, Melinda, Nancy Noe, David and me getting together to play cards...Nertz...and occassionally other games. We ALWAYS laughed nonstop while we ate and watched Nancy win just about 99 percent of the games.

We exchanged gifts for birthdays and also at Christmas. David always had a knack of knowing what we would like without even asking us. I have a beautiful green scarf from Churchill Weavers in Berea that David stood in line for hours to get (at their old annual sales); other years he brought me beautiful pieces of navy blue Bybee pottery to match my kitchen colors. If I needed an opinion on anything home decor...David was my guy. He had impeccable taste in clothes, shoes, music, antiques...and oh how he loved chocolate. I think he may be the inspiration of yet another book I don't have time to write "Why can't straight men be more Gay? (and I'm not talking about the sex, ya'll)" Seriously, straight men could learn a lot about women from gay men.

I hope David truly believed that I never saw him any different because he was gay; I hope he knew that I loved him anyway. I remember visiting with him for a brief time exactly a week before he passed away. He was bedridden, very very skinny from the disease of amyloidosis that had ravaged his body and he could barely see, yet; he still found a chance to insert some humor into the conversation and make us feel comfortable in the room. I hugged him as best I could that day and told him how much I loved him. I trust he believed me because he said it back and even in his pain, I think he was concerned more about how we felt than what he was going through.

He was a good man and I know a lot of people miss him. I know he and Angela were probably suprised to see each other in heaven; but they probably laughed it off and went to find a deck of cards and a carmel apple salad or a chocolate, peanut butter concoction.

See you someday my friend, Go with God.

Cinnamommy observations

2009-03-25T08:43:00.002-04:00

I haven't blogged much in the past few weeks. I guess I've been uninspired, unmotivated and downright apathetic about it. I have so many blog topics in my head right now, I thought it best to do a bullet list of things for this post.

First, about the blog title today: we were driving in and the traffic sucked. Zachary was asking me 20,000 questions per usual and he wanted to know if Daddy was going to get me coffee this morning. I said yes and he asked me what my favorite was. I didn't want to confuse him with the long name of my drink so I just said cinnamon. He tried over and over to pronounce it correctly and then for some reason turned it into cinnamommy.

Last night we went to see Lily Sauteben's dance team at Tates Creek High School. All day Zach kept talking about watching Lily dance; he was so excited. We sat in the bleachers with her friends and family and cheered her on. Zach was pretty happy when the coach introduced Lily, but he was concerned they they wouldn't let her talk. We were clapping intermittently for all the girls as they were announced and once Z noticed Kim Greenfield wasn't clapping for all of them, he called her on it. Then she called him out for the same thing by asking why he wasn't clapping; his response was simply "cuz I NOT." He squeezed in between the two people on the bleacher in front of us and then out of the blue, just hugs one of the OTHER dads around the neck and I'm pretty sure he told the guy he loved him...he got lots of laughs for that so I'm sure it's just the beginning of stranger love. After the "show" Z found Lily and she picked him up...he was blushing so red and just staring at her with a cute little grin. He was speechless and mesmerized. We got home and started doing the Mickey Mouse Hot Dog Dance and said he was dancing like Lily! Then on the way to the bath, he randomly says "Mommy? Sometimes I dance...like Lily." It's official, he's infatuated.
Seems like it's been an "eat out" week as we've had something just about everyday that prevents us from being home at dinner time. So Monday night we were at Q'doba. Zachary's never really met a stranger and that night was no exception. He asked just about everyone in the place what their name was. One guy in particular made an impression on him. His name was Ed. After they introduced themselves, Zach looked at Ed and said "Does Ed talk?" Ed was a little taken back because he suddenly couldn't find words, only laughter and then finally said..."Well, yes, Ed does." Talking in third person is catchy.

Saturday night Jill Campbell and I made dinner for David Meade and Jeff and she came to my house to meet up and get organized. Jill's got a new baby and he's still has to be with her all the time because she's his food source. So before we drove the Danville, Jill wanted to feed little Nathan. Zachary didn't make too big of a deal about it, but he did want to know what Nathan was doing. Jilly explained about mommy's milk and all and that seemed to satisfy him. Every night since then, Jill and Nathan have been the first people Z thanks God for in his bedtime prayers.

The Blahs and Building 429

2009-03-19T08:23:00.003-04:00

So I guess I'm feeling a lot sorry for myself lately and I wish I could just trust God and snap out of it. I found out yesterday that we will not be moving home anytime soon and I have to say it's just very disappointing. Not because I didn't get the job, but because I am not getting any closer to my family. I don't hate where I am, well don't ask me that in the middle of the winter, but I'm just getting more and more discouraged about being so far from home.

I realized the other day that my sister's family hadn't all been to visit me in three years and it just depressed me. My sister's been out a few times, but it's just never worked out to get her whole family here at once. I never dreamed this would be the reality of our lives, that our children would not get to play together very often. I guess the ideal in my mind was living close enough where it would be convenient for them to grow up together. I always thought I'd be back home by now, close to my mother. I've had a lot of ideals busted lately and I'm weak and weary. I buried one friend last week and am watching at least one more prepare for the same fate. The tantrumonious three's are getting the best of me to the point that I want to throw my own tantrum.

I guess I'm just overwhelmed. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me; I'm just venting, really. I'm not going to go jump off a cliff or anything. I know God said he'd never give us more than we can handle...but sometimes it gets a little too close for comfort.

I did hear a song this morning as I was almost to work that I have heard once before by Building 429 and it really needs to become my anthem for this season of my life. I'm really liking these guys music lately...one good song after another.

I don't usually put song lyrics in my blog, and I'm only copying part of the song here, but felt like maybe someone else would like to read these words or look up the song. I think it fits a lot of circumstances.

Last half of "Always"
'Cuz I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
He will be with you always

Friend I don't know where you are
And I don't know where you've been
Maybe you're fighting for your life
Or just about to throw the towel in
But if you're crying out for mercy
If there's no hope left at all
If you've given everything you've got
And you're still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on

Cuz I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all faith is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
Always, Always
He will be with you always
He will be with you always
He will be with you

Where's your ball?

2009-03-12T09:14:00.003-04:00

Tuesday night after Angela passed away, I was visibly sad and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I found out about her passing while David was giving Zachary a bath. I knew I had to pull it together so I could put him to bed and not let him think his mommy was falling apart.

I tried, but I just couldn't and he kept asking me if I was okay. I'd tell him that yes, I will be okay and he'd ask if I was sad. I told him I was sad because I miss my friend.

Z: Where is her?
Me: She's in heaven now.
Z: in heaven?
Me: yes
Z: silence, then ...with Moppett? (reminder this is the cat we put to sleep in Dec. that I told him went to heaven)
Me: Well, okay, yes I suppose so.
Z: silence again, then ...with Linda's mom? (our babysitter's mom died last year and we told him she went to heaven)
Me: Yes honey, with Linda's mom.
Z: why are you sad?
Me: Because I miss my friend.
Z: her will get better and come back.
Me: No, I don't think she would want to come back now that she's in heaven with Jesus.
Z: Why?
Me: Because she's so happy now.
Z: why you sad?
Me: because I miss her.

David was hugging me and I was crying again. I looked down and Zachary was trying to get in between us so we picked him up and he hugged on me too and then said "I will get you somethin."

He got down and walked over to his bookshelf. On top of the shelf sat a softball. He picked it and held it out to me and said "Here mommy, this for you."

I said "um, thank you."

He said, "Are you better?"

I guess he thought the ball would make me feel better for some reason. He told me I had to take it to bed; that I had to sleep with it. He said I needed to bring it to his bed and read him books with it. So I did and he kept asking every few pages "Where's your ball?"

We turned off the lights after we read the last page of book number three. We laid there in quietness for all of 20 seconds when Zachary put his arm under my neck and pulled my head into the crook of his own neck. He was stroking my hair and whispering "It's okay mommy, it's oooooooookay." He'd do this for several seconds then ask if I was better and ask where the ball was. He finally drifted off to sleep. But I lingered there longer than I normally would because I was just so grateful to have my child with me. I thought about how sad Angela's mother must be to not have her baby anymore. It's gut wrenching to think that our children could leave this Earth before us and I pray that never happens to me.

I finally was able to get up and take a shower. I made sure I took the ball with me to bed and as silly as it sounds, it did make me feel better. I thanked God that he gave me such a beautiful, sweet and empathetic child. All the tantrums, back talk and other annoying behaviours just faded into the deep recesses of my mind for the rest of the night at least.

Wouldn't you know it, the first thing Z said the next morning was..."Mommy, where's your ball?" I told him it was in my bed and he smiled the biggest smile. I soaked up that smile like a sponge because I knew he would do a Jekyll and Hyde on me in about 30 seconds when he saw it was time to get his clothes changed! And...I was right.

RIP Angela Cox

2009-03-12T08:52:00.003-04:00

It's been a hard week. It's actually been a tough year already. I've been overwhelmed at the fact I had three very ill friends, now I have two. One has been permanently healed by our great and marvelous God. I met Angela Cox very soon after I moved to Kentucky in 1999. She was always smiling, always cracking a joke and just such a welcoming person. She was the first one to invite me into the group. The group would end up playing cards, ringing in several New Years together, and just generally having fun together. Slowly the group members began to get married and our single days morphed into lives with spouses and children. Angela got a job with Ernie Fletcher and that took her to Frankfort, where she blessed so many other lives with her spirit and her voice. She loved her family and all her friends and it just overflowed from her. Whenever I was in Frankfort, I'd go to her office and just catch up and laugh more. She was truly a good friend to anyone who allowed her the opportunity to be in their lives.

I remember the day I heard she'd been burned in her house fire. I was so heartbroken. No one deserves to go through something like, much less Angela! I couldn't bring myself to go to the hospital for several days. I don't know what I was so afraid of, the way she might look, that she might die and I would only remember her that way, that I wouldn't know what to say to her ...to her family...whatever it was, it kept me away. I finally felt compelled to go and then I went several times a week. I talked to her and read her scripture, not knowing if she could even hear me. But then one day a message went out that she was awake...it was Feb. 8. Before that she had responded to things we said by trying to open her eyes, moving her toes, etc. But this message said she was awake and aware of her surroundings. I was supposed to get on a plane for Dallas on Feb. 9, but I just had to go see her before I checked in at the airport. I'm so glad I did. I put on all the garb you have to wear in the burn unit...the plastic gown, the gloves, the hand sanitizer. The nurse was in the room talking to her and giving her meds and she told Angela she had a visitor that she would probably recognize.

I walked in and her eyes met mine and she mouthed my name and sort of shook her head in excitement. It was so good to see my friend recognize me and say my name. I wanted to hug her, but I couldn't risk touching her and passing any kind of germs no matter how small. I stood by her bed and told her how happy I was to see her awake. The nurse talked about how great she was doing and even talked about starting some rehab in the next two weeks. I didn't stay long, but as I was leaving I told her how much I loved her and she mouthed back that she loved me too. I'm so grateful for that morning; so grateful that I had that chance. I didn't know then that those would be the last words I heard from her in this life.

As Angela's body began giving up the fight against the burns that covered more than half of her body, I began to lose my positive outlook about her survival. I just can't process any of it and I cannot understand how a loving God would let her suffer for two months when he had already planned to take her. I know there is a much higher plan to it all, but I just don't see it. Sharon Berry was very comforting to me last night when I was asking these very same questions. She said that perhaps God was using her during these two months to show the doctors, nurses and so many others the faithfullness of her life and of her family and friends who stood watch by her side during the whole ordeal. Maybe someone saw Christ through all it and as a result their life is changed forever because of Angela's life. We'll never truly know the answers to all of these questions until we see her again and even then, will we still have questions? I don't think so; I think we will be too consumed in enjoying eternity to even let these things cross our minds.

I love her, I miss her - someday I WILL see her again.

Cats out the Wahzoo?

2009-02-26T09:24:00.002-05:00

The title of this blog won't really make sense until the very end - so, wait for it; it's worth it!

Yesterday, Zachary woke up with a pretty pink eye and being the glass-half-full type, I tried to believe it was just allergies...well it wasn't. He's got the infection so we started treating him. Don't you just love putting drops in preschoolers eyes? That's another story, that I likely will NOT blog about!!

Regardless, Z spent the afternoon at home with Daddy and then they came to pick me up at the office. We had to stop by and pick up David's truck on the way to church so the two of them could go home while I stayed at church to sing. Zachary kept asking where we were going and he just couldn't understand why he couldn't go in church with me. He started fake crying and saying he didn't want me to sing. To which, I always reply "If God made you a singer, you have to sing."

After I said it this time, I could just see the wheels turning in his little head and after a few moments of silence, the conversation went like this:

Z: Where's God?
Me: In heaven
Z: In heaven? Where is Him?
Me: In heaven and in my heart.
Z: I wanna talk to him; where's your heart?
Me: In my body...errr, in my spirit. ( I was obviously digging a hole at this point since he really wasn't grasping the concept of the spiritual side of life haha).
Z: In your body? God in your body?
Me: Well, like I said in my spirit and I can talk to him whenever I want and so can you.
Z: I wanna tell him not to tell you to sing.
Me: Well honey, we can't tell God what to do. We can ask, but we can't tell him what to do.
Z: in your body? (he was clearly stuck on that phrase)
Me: Well, yes.
Z: silence
several moments later
Z: is Moppett there?
Me: Where?
Z: in your body?
Me: oh no, honey (Moppett was the cat we had to put to sleep before Christmas. I told Z she went to heaven, because I just didn't know what else to tell him then.)
Z: in your heart?
Me: I'll always love her in my heart.
Z: Moppett's in your heart? In your body? You say she in heaven with Jesus?
Me: Yes I told she was.
Z: K, so she in your body; Moppett's in your bottom.

What a tangled web we weave.

Z is THREE

2009-02-17T08:34:00.003-05:00

Wow, three years...really? To say they've flown by would be a complete understatement. It was about this time on Feb. 17, 2006, when the doctor told me that I would be having Zachary a little early. I was scared, but so excited. We waited all day, while more pressing emergencies came into the unit...into the evening and then it was almost midnight (11:02) when my sweet bean finally felt the cold air of the OR on his delicate skin. I cried a lot that night - some tears of pure joy at the miracle before me, then tears of sadness when they carried him away so quickly. I didn't even get to hold him until about 3 a.m.... the realities of a c-section in a university hospital I suppose. I've been flashing back to that moment all morning and wondering how we got from there to here so quickly.

How did we get from that sweet little baby who only cried when he was wet or hungry to a child that screams at me for singing him Happy Birthday and handing him a small present on his birthday? Yes, I walked into Zachary's room this morning to surprise him with a small present and sing to him and he started screaming NO, NO, NO, don't sing to me I don't want a present..."

Wow, if there's a quicker way to steal the wind from my sails, I don't know what it is. So I tossed the gift on his bed and walked out the door in protest of his attitude. I guess he really isn't a morning person. I've known this and tried to change it so many ways, but to no avail...not even Mickey Mouse presents on his birthday can lift him out of the morning hate. He got swatted twice while trying to get him dressed and then continued to whine and scream until finally, magically...the mention of picking up donuts for his friends at the babysitter's pulled him into sanity....until we got there and they had no sprinkle donuts...WHAT BAKERY in its right mind doesn't do sprinkles? Donut Days...that's the one. He settled on a few chocolate covered ones and a coconut cake donut with flakes all over. So I think he may actually have a good day and for once I am sugaring him up for her to deal with :) Tables have turned hehehehe

Happy Birthday Z....yes I know I need to replace my header now that you're THREE :)

He's so random...

2009-02-04T10:12:00.003-05:00

I know that most preschoolers are just one random thought after another and Z is no exception. Yesterday we were driving home and he was talking non stop about something, and then he said "Mommy, when I grow up I will be a doctor." I said oh really? He said, "yeah, I will." We told him that it would take a long time to become a doctor and he would have to go to school for a long time and he just said "okay," and moved on to the next topic in his brain. Sometimes I'm so amazed at how much kids this age actually think and ponder things and just how much they absorb.

It's an awesome age in that regard, the evidence of sponge brain! Even at dinner last night, Zachary wasn't too interested in eating so I told him he had to take five bites before he could get down. He asked me to count them for him and we did it together up to three and then he said..."is that enough?" I said no, that was only 3 and he said "oh, two more." Amazing he's adding and subtracting subconciously. So it makes me wonder why he can't remember to add please to the end of every request hmmmm.

Don't make burps at the table....please

2009-01-29T10:49:00.003-05:00

Zachary has found his new passion...burping. Oh it drives me batty. At first, it was really funny, but now he's just continually trying to burp. It's the worst at the table when there's a beverage near by. Don't give the kid a straw if he's ever eating at your table, you've had fair warning. He can suck in more air than our Dyson vacuum. Then he starts complaining of a belly ache, which of course is only relieved by belching.

Burp after burp, laugh after laugh....and the food still sits on the plate untouched. So a couple days ago I'd had my fill of it. I do have to give him credit, he was saying excuse me after each one, but oh my gosh the quantity was unreal. So I told him no more making burps at the table, not even one. To which he responded by...well...burping and laughing. I told him he could not burp at the table, if he wanted to play that game, he must get on the floor. He calmed down some, but it didn't take long to get into the same mode again. So I warned him that he would be in time out if he did it again. You guessed it, he responded with a burp and laughs. I quickly scooped him up and sat him on the stairs with the timer set for 2 minutes. Z didn't like that one bit, but he was out soon.

Back to the table for yet more burping. I told him that since the time out didn't work, he would get one swat on his bottom if he did it again. He didn't care, the burping was more important. I don't know how long it took to finally get through that meal, but we made it.

Fast forward to the next meal. I will take into consideration he was suffering from severe cabin fever, however; I was not ready to deal with table burping again. I was getting his plate ready and then noticed he was on all fours on the floor with his head pointed down....where he began burping on the floor. David and I were biting our tongues in laughter. Hey, at least he remembered that I'd said if wanted to burp, he had to do it on the floor, right?

Yes, my son likes dolls

2009-01-25T14:12:00.003-05:00

As a little girl, I played with trucks, got dirty, and on and on. So why is so hard for me to accept that my little boy likes to play with a doll? I've reaad all the positive takes on this...that it helps him learn to be a nurturer, teaches him empathy, yada, yada, yada. But still, there's some part of me that just wants to yell "BOYS DON'T PLAY WITH DOLLS" to little Z. But I suppose that would be a bit extreme and it'd probably just scare him anyway.

See, most of the dolls at church are naked. Over the years, children have stripped them down and somehow their clothes have been permanently separated from their bodies in the chaos that is preschool. We were in the Goodwill store the other night after our most recent trip to Asuka Japanese Steakhouse (Oh how I love Japanese food, but I digress). So I see a nice CLOTHED doll, brand new and its' only 50 cents! So heck yeah, I grabbed it up for the preschool rooms at church, along with a few other toys that still have tons of life in them for all these rambunctious 2 and 3-year-olds. Z played with it a little when we got home, calling it his baby, putting it to bed, etc. At least it's a boy doll..or that's what I told him since it's bald with a blue outfit on. I kept reminding him that we would take that baby to his room at church and he seemed to understand that, however; I now know that he did not understand that we would actually leave the baby there.

We took it this morning and let Z carry it to his room. When I went to get him after church, he was holding the baby. The teachers said he had cared for it all during the class time...putting it to bed, telling other kids to be quiet because his baby was sleeping, but also throwing it up really high in the air hmmmm. To be brief, we still have the doll; Z would not leave it at church...oh joy!

To spank or not to spank; yes I want your opinions

2009-01-23T09:22:00.002-05:00

I was spanked when I was a child. I was yelled at and I yelled back. There I said it. I don't think I'm totally messed up because of it, but I always said I would do things differently.

That was until I had a strong-willed, stubborn little boy enter my life and no I'm not talking about my husband. I've always thought spanking was the "easy" and "lazy" way out in theory. I still do to a certain extent. Disciplining without spanking requires a lot of patience, resolve and creativity and that is a lot of work. Still, is there a time when spanking is the way to go? Does it depend on the child? Does it depend on the severity of the inappropriate behavior? I have not answered all these questions in my mind to a point where I feel comfortable with the way I discipline my child.

In the Bible, when it says to spare the rod is to spoil the child, it is referring to a literal rod or is that a symbol of strong discipline and guidance as in the shepherd using the rod to guide and steer the sheep in the direction that is right? I don't see a shepherd beating the sheep with the rod. Am I way off base here?

I've read books that interpret it one way or another and I don't know that I agree with either view completely. I guess I find myself somewhere in the middle and that is the reason for all the questions. How hard is too hard to spank? How many swats? What if the child doesn't respond to the spanking; do you keep spanking until they do? Or do you hope that they remember the swat next time before repeating the behavior? Oh see, I'm so confused. Maybe I'm making this more than it should be, but we're just having some serious power struggles with Z and he needs to learn to respect us.

It also bothers me to read about spanking and then immediately hugging the child and telling them you love them. Doesn't that send a mixed message?

I admit I have spanked as a last resort and when I'm at my wits end in coming up with a way to discipline that will actually get through to Z. What are your honest opinions on this? I'm not going to judge anyone for saying what you think. Everyone is in a unique situation with unique children and I know we all have different ways of discipline. I just need some input on what works for you and what doesn't and what you believe is wrong, right when it comes to spanking.

As a side note, I just can't wait to see what ad google pairs with this blog...could be seriously warped!

Cubbie Love...and boredom

2009-01-15T09:01:00.002-05:00

I got permission from one of the other cubbie mom's to use her son's name in my blog today. I didn't get the name of the other one so I'll just use his first initial until she tells me it's okay.

First of all, Zachary is in Awana Cubbies at church. Yes, I know he wasn't old enough this year. But I prayed that we would find a way out of the nursery room we all despised at the time and God answered my prayer in a unique way. We were told Zachary could come to cubbies a year early if one or both of us helped in his class. David stepped up to the plate and all is well. Zach is thriving in cubbies...repeating his verses like all the other kids who are a bit older than him.

After I finish singing in church, I usually go down and join the cubbie class and help out where I can. Usually that means running interference between the kids and trying to get them to stay in their chairs during story time, which is nearly impossible. Sometimes those kids totally crack me up with their looks, phrases, attitudes, etc. Last night, Zachary got a taste of his own medicine. As I've blogged before, he's very into saying "I don't love you," especially if he's in an onery mood or just feeling his age I suppose.

During story time, little Z was sitting by Boston Parker and they were mildly annoying one another pushing and leaning and just being little boys. All the sudden, Z starts leaning and scooting closer to Boston and he looks at him in the eye and says "I just love you; I love you Boston." He kept saying it over and over, all the while not quite understanding Boston's response of "No, you don't, nooooooo." It was really hard for me not to laugh. Z kept looking at me in complete confusion. I told him that now he knows how it feels to tell someone you love them and for them to be "mean" back. He just lowered his sad little head and said "yeah." Didn't take long and they were buddies again, back to running around the room and laughing. A while later, they were sitting beside each other playing with blocks and when I looked down they both had an arm around each other's shoulder. It was too cute. Of course, when I pointed it out, they both quickly appear to not know what I was talking about.

Another early-to-start-cubbie is MD. This kid melts my heart and he's quite the little comic most nights. Last night was no exception. During the story time, MD sat sideways and leaned against the back of his chair with one arm and laid his head half-way down. He then began to fake snore and I about lost it. I felt sorry for the reader, but geez it was hilarious. MD is going to be a pistol in school; I see a future class clown in the making :) What do you think Mia?

You've got to let them fly...solo.

2009-01-10T20:59:00.003-05:00

Today was the big day. The beginning of a new era at Legacy Gymnastics. You see, my son moved up to the three -year old "little foals" class. The past two sessions, the teachers had the luxury of either me or David chasing little flash around the gym and they thought he was so cute and talented. I'm wondering if Miss Amber's opinion didn't change today when she was the one chasing the flash and mommy and daddy were watching from the rafters?

Things started out okay; there ended up being only 3 kids in the class, which makes it a little easier on the teacher...but not much. They started out on the trampolines, pit and the "slide." Zach loves those things so she had no problem keeping him in line and nearby. Then it came time for stretching. Miss Amber plopped the kids up on a high mat and fully intended to get their muscles all stretched and ready to o, but Zachary saw it a an opportunity to stretch her patience. He kept jumping down and running off, all the while laughing and calling for Miss Amber to get him. They had a little heart to heart and I thought he was good to go - alas it lasted a full 2 mins or so. Zachary kept jumping and running all over the place and soon got one of the little girls to join in his antics. He eventually ended up in time out on the balance beam a few times, but he made it through. I told Amber it might serve her well to make him run suicides for about 20 minutes before he has to start the actual work. She thought it was funny, but she wasn't too distressed and chalked it up to his first day sans mom and dad. We'll see what she says when the antics persist well into this 10-week session. One down...nine to go...wow.

The Freakin Scary Dryer and other joys of the season

2009-01-07T13:23:00.002-05:00

So it's 2009. Big Deal. We're getting a new president, I have a really good excuse to go back to Texas at the end of January and Zachary's third birthday party planning has begun.Okay now that I'm done crying about the first and last things in that sentence, I can write this post.

We had a very good trip to Texas and Oklahoma over Christmas and New Year's. It was so nice to escape the cold, dreary, seasonal-depression inducing Kentucky winter climate for a bit. It was SUNNY and warm in Texas and Oklahoma and we had many days where the kids just played outside with light jackets or no jackets at all...it was bliss. And now since we've returned, the sun has yet to show it's face in the bluegrass this year...joy, joy. I almost can't stand it...seriously. I need a SAD light or something, sheesh!

We had plenty of humorous moments while we visited with friends and family during our travels. It occurs to me that God has a huge sense of humor and he shows it to us mostly through our children's innocence and antics. He's also constantly trying to use some of those antics to build in me a patient spirit; I've got a long way to go folks.

Humor and patience-building are combined in Zachary's love for vacuums. The child is truly obsessed with them. He can pretend virtually anything is a vacuum when he's not near a real one. The vacuum at home used to scare him to tears. But when he met the little, red, child-sized vacuum at the consignment store a year ago, he fell in love and couldn't leave the store without it. We thought it was cute and so we spent the $3 and indulged him. It caused such fits the more and more he played with it that it finally had to go bye bye. Unfortunately, a few months ago, Zachary found the vacuum as we were cleaning out a closet and the cycle began again.

Now most kids sit and watch TV with a lovey like a teddy bear or a lamby or something soft. Not my son; he's often seen sitting in front of the tube with his arm wrapped around his vacuum. He wakes up talking about the vacuum and gets very out of sorts when the vacuum is not in the closet it's supposed to be in. I have actually begun to despise the vacuum because he won't stop talking about it. Seriously! It's beyond normal right?

So he got over his fear of the sound the vacuum makes and even asked to use the big one. We thought that was great. But I guess other things with similar noises have to earn their place in his safety-loving world. Take hand dryers in public restrooms for instance. Most of them are reasonally quiet, but then there is the Xcelerator...the one that blows the skin around on your body with it's extreme noise and pressure. There was one of those in the bathroom at a Ryan's in Bowling Green where we stopped on our return trip. Granted the Cracker Barrell's dryer would've been quieter, but the line was out the door and this was our only choice. We talked about the dryer before I turned it on. I told him it would be very loud. He nodded his head and stood on the other side of the room. When I turned it on, Zachary went nuts screaming, trembling and crying. I felt sad for him and so I picked him up and all was well.

We were heading for the car when he looked at David and said. "Daddy, that was a freakin scary dryer." We knew we should not have laughed, but all attempts to stiffle the giggles were in vain. It was just so funny to hear that from him. He proceeded to get on the phone to my mother, where he changed the description from freakin, scary dryer to freakin, stupid dyer.....nice. Then my mom of course gives me the lecture about "you really shouldn't let him talk that way." Really?

Don't Hurt Me, Doctor!

2008-12-19T16:23:00.002-05:00

Monday about 3:30, the babysitter calls to say Zachary has a low-grade fever and is complaining that his right ear hurts. We don't take any chances since the febrile seizure (read...we are OCD about fever prevention) so we took him to the twilight clinic that evening.

One of the intern doctors was seeing patients...don't know his last name, but his first was Craig. He was really nice and very good with Zachary. He explained that he had to look in his ear and Zach was all up for that, just kept telling him that his ear hurt.

As soon as Dr. Craig started to take a look, Zach panicked a bit...he started saying "Don't hurt me, doctor." Each time he said it, he got a little louder. Dr. Craig's first mistake was saying he would not hurt the boy. (Word of advice: don't tell a kid something will not hurt, when you just aren't that sure!) He kept having to get a bit of wax out and each time, Zachary flinched a bit more. The final time, Dr. Craig must've really went for it, because Zach started trembling and clenching his fists and yelling "YOU HURT ME! YOU HURT MEEEEEEEEE" followed by sobs and bucketloads of tears. I just held his head against my chest and wanted to cry with him.

The doctor felt really bad, but he wasn't finished. He told Zach that he'd still have to look in there. Zach was pretty adamant that he didn't do that, but finally relented. Bingo, ear infection number one of the winter. And now...mommy has the illness that caused the baby's ear infection...oh joy!

"I don't love you; I'm mad at you; Don't touch me!"

2008-12-17T11:44:00.003-05:00

Yes, those words all spewed out of my child's mouth a few days ago...all of them at once, followed by him laying prone on the bed waiting for my reaction. Now, what horrible act on my part caused this? I'm still not really sure, however; it must've been me telling him to be quiet and lay down as it was time for sleep.

I have to admit the first time I heard him tell me he didn't love me, I cried. It had been a long day and I needed the unconditional love of my child. So that reaction has been my demise. Now, anytime I ask him to do something he doesn't want to do, he pouts for a few minutes then says "I don't love you." He's said it a lot the past few days. I don't want it to hurt my feelings, but it stings every time he says it. Although, my reaction now is far from crying. I've resolved to either tell him that's rude, ugly, etc. or to not react at all and just say okay, so you say.

I hope this habit ends quickly as I am getting more and more perturbed by it each day.

It has made me stop and think about my reaction to my heavenly Father when he asks something of me. I do tend to grumble and gripe and occasionally I don't feel love for him. I know that won't be a popular thing to say, but sometimes human emotions can be raw. How many times has he beckoned me to read my Bible a little longer, pray a little longer, treat someone nicer, give more sacrificially, love more unconditionally, be less judgemental and on and on? My reaction is probably more often than not one that nonverbally tells him I don't love him. He must be frustrated with me. Man these kids teach us so many lessons!!!

Crowns, wannabe princes and an ode to cokes

2008-12-09T12:22:00.002-05:00

So my dentist made the very unpopular decision that my back molar needed a crown after the umpteenth crack and/or chip. (I blame this all on the other dentist, whom I will not name, who didn't treat this tooth right years ago). Anyway, I knew it was going to be rough because they can never get me numb. They will give me all the novocaine the law will allow and my entire face will be impalpable, but my jaw will still feel the drill! Needless to say, I am the ideal candidate for sedation dentistry, which by all means is a very nice way to nap through a procedure and then the rest of the day! So the actual procedure was painless and I had a great peaceful nap, but then the tooth started hurting like crazy. Every couple of days I called the dentist and they said it had been a very deep filling and thus, would be sore for several days. By the end of week two of my jawache, I'd really had enough so they brought me in and sure enough, the sucker had come loose and my bite was off. It wasn't too bad, I went sans drugs for that adjustment, but it still hurt like he double hockey sticks for a bit. That was Thursday, this is Tuesday and it's FINALLY subsiding to a tolerable level. Then they call this morning and say my perm crown won't be in until a week later than originally planned due to the lab's vacation time. So I get the perm crown on January 13; I tried to postpone it till January 20 so I can be numbed from the pain of two events...the crown and Obama's innauguration, but no luck!

Anyway, lately Zachary has turned into a gripier version on himself. For those of you who don't cohabitate with him, I know this is very hard to believe since he's so stinkin happy everywhere else. But trust me when I say, I'm SO ready for the wannabe prince and terrible twos phase to end! I don't want to fast forward his age, just his behaviour! God blessed me with a very independent-loving, determined, persistent and overly stubborn bundle of joy. Those traits can be very good, but even he doesn't know what to truly do with them yet.

This morning he wanted a bar (his plea for anything that is rectangle and comes in a wrapper...granola bar, fruit bar, etc.) I let him pick it out and try to open it. He couldn't get it all the way open, so allowed me to intervene. Only , when it opened he stomped off and said "No, Not THAT one!!!" I was dumbfounded since it was all his idea and he picked it out. So I took a bite to show him it was fine....wrong action. He freaked on me and ran into the corner of kitchen cabinets and began crying and yelling no, that he wanted a banana or candy or whatever he could think of to scream. I just watched and tried to plan my distracting technique. I thought "hmm, he LOVES the camera...hmmmm." So I went to get it and then started taking pictures of his tantrum as he laid prone on the floor. Well, that didn't go over too well and he just looked up at me red-faced and bawling and started screaming at me not to take his picture.

I just left him to his fit and went about getting ready. He pretty much carried on this way until we got to the baby sitter's and his yogurt magically ended the tantrum. I didn't try to brush his hair though; I didn't want to press my luck. I left my camera card at home or I would post a pic of the tantrum on here...so he could look at it later when he raids my computer haha. Oh well, I can always add it later! God love him, he's just so TWO!

So I'm swearing off cokes this week...yes any carbonated beverage is a sworn enemy this week. I don't need them, as evidenced by my nearly 6 pound weight loss yesterday on water alone...WOW is that even possible? Here is my ode to the carmely-colored, fizzy beverage.

Oh the joy I have felt
When at first your fumes I smelt.

The sound you make when I open the can
is more satisfying than any well-conceived plan.

Your glorious taste on my tongue
reminds me of when I was so young.

The sadness I feel when I drink the last drop
is worse than when I got stopped by that cop.

We will meet again, you and me
but on a less-frequent basis, you will see.

For I am not fond of feeling puffed up
so with you no more will I sup.

You've taken up residence too long and I'm kicking you OUT!

My Bizarre Bengals

2008-11-25T13:56:00.003-05:00

This is the first installment of my bizarre bengals...heck they probably need a blog to themselves. This one is dedicated to Aggie, the smaller of the sisters. I catch her nearly every morning staring at herself in my bedroom mirror....even in the dark. I think in this photo she was trying to hide her obsession by looking a tad snobby! (or the flash bothered her, I dunno!)

The Never-Ending Duck Loop

2008-11-19T10:40:00.002-05:00

Someone on facebook triggered a memory from the weekend through their status post and I thought I should probably blog it since it's cute and I'll want to remember it.

Zachary has been learning to play Duck Duck Goose. You know the childhood game where kids sit in a circle and someone is "it" and they walk round and round the circle tapping the kids on the head saying "duck, duck, ....Goose." Then the "Goose" has to get up and chase the "it" kid around the circle. If the "it" kids makes it back to the empty spot in the circle without being tagged, the "goose" kid becomes the "it" kid and the game repeats.

Well, if anyone knows Zach, they know of his notorious reputation for hating sleep. I've never seen him willing fall asleep anywhere. He usually fights it with all his being. If you see him start to drift off, he starts to move his body in some way to wake himself back up...or he asks to go potty, drink water, sing a song...all the age-old toddler, sleep avoidance tactics...EVERY time.

Lately, he's been using the DDG game as a sleep aversion tactic. He'll be laying semi-still and quiet and all the sudden, under his breath, nearly inaudible he begins saying "duck...duck...duck...duck...duck........duck.....duck...............duck." Finally I say "GOOSE! Now hush and go to sleep." He'll say..."not yet, mommy...duck....duck...." At that point, I just have to kiss his little head and leave the room, which rarely ends the sleep aversion. The only thing that ends it is complete exhaustion. I'm surprised the kid sleeps at all.

He's gonna be a rocker, I just know it

2008-11-18T08:30:00.003-05:00

Zach is so interested in music and it seems his favorite thing to listen to is anything with a lot of intensity in drums/guitar/bass. So yeah, he may be heading for a future of guitar attachment and riding buses from town to town haha.

Seriously though, there are very few "kiddie" songs he likes. He's very content to, and even asks to, listen to the radio or my CD collection. He's especially fond of some groups I followed around and hung out with in college (Cross Canadian Ragweed, Mike McClure Band, Stoney Larue, etc.) This would make my friends in these bands happy I'm sure...a two-year-old fan club member. It just cracks me up. I am thoroughly grateful that we don't have to spend long hours listening to Veggie Tales and Barney - it's definitely a perk.

Yesterday morning we had to sit in the car in the driveway of the babysitter's driveway so he could finish listening to a CCR song. He was jamming in the car seat, bobbing his head, kicking his feet to the rhythm and moving his fingers for some reason...either the air guitar or the air piano...whatever. It was entertaining and he was enjoying it so much. He also yells for me to turn it up loud...to the point that I cannot hear him talking. I try to oblige him as much as I can, but I think if we got it loud enough for him, it would damage his ears for sure. I'll try to go find the song he was listening to....

I'm a techno idiot today apparently...I can't figure out how to post a song on blogger grrrr. It's Wanna Rock & Roll - CCR.

The Nursery Files

2008-11-17T11:59:00.004-05:00

I wonder if the nurseries of other churches are as challenging as ours? In a big church, there are a lot of children, which requires a large number of volunteers. Ideally, everyone who has children volunteers in the ministry in some way. If that happened, you probably wouldn't see frustrated, burned out children's workers. Most ministries have fewer volunteers than participants and children's ministry is certainly no exception. I think it's really great to see people volunteering who don't have young children, it's quite remarkable if you think about it.

Being able to leave your child in a fun, safe place with interactive volunteers whom you trust is a luxury for certain. I "teach" the creepers Sunday school class at my church and I love "my" babies. We have a great time blowing bubbles, finding suitable art projects and singing songs and I'm blessed with responsible ladies who rotate in each week to help out...Darlene, Terri, Michelle, Kathy and Abby and Rachel...you girls are awesome and I'm never worried that you won't show up without calling or trying to swap dates if you have conflicts.

However, we've had a problem lately with the reliability of the workers who relieve us in time for us to go to choir/church service. Sometimes they just don't show up..or only one of the two does. They don't call to let anyone know or try to find a replacement. Not all of them do this, but take yesterday for example...NO ONE came. Thankfully I was not scheduled to sing on praise team and Michelle and I were able to stay. Three times in the last month, one of us has had to stay for church because of a no-show. Usually I didn't find out about it until afterwards because when one of the workers comes, I leave to go sing.

I guess I'm just venting a little because I certainly don't mind taking care of the kiddos. I love them like my own when they are in my care. But, I have other obligations too that require me to rely on the responsibility of others to remember when they are serving. I didn't think that was asking too much, but apparently it is.

Pretty much everyone who reads my blog (that I know of) takes their responsibilities very seriously. The ones who need to hear what I'm saying will never read this hahahaha, isn't it ironic?

What's on my belly?

2008-11-15T22:04:00.002-05:00

I had a lot of fun today and got 40 pages done in Zachary's digital babybook. I'm using Blurb.com software and it's awesome! I spent the day at an all-day crop with our church's Stepping Stones scrapbooking group. They cut and glue and maneuver photos on paper; I do it all on my computer. It's still fun to sit together and talk about our lives and look at each other's photos...even though I'm doing things different than they are doing it.

After David took Zachary to gymnastics and gymboree without me this morning, they stopped by the church to bring lunch and eat with me. Zach was looking at my laptop screen and saw a picture of himself. It was taken just after he was born and he was in his birthday suit with an oxygen sensor taped to his belly by a gold hear sticker and the plastic doo hickey they put on the umbilical cord area. There were also bracelets on his ankles and a wrist. We asked him who was in the picture and he said it was Zachary. Then he said.. "I a baby on your puter?" But then he just stared and stared at the screen and started to ask what was on his belly. I explained about the heart sticker and the doo hickey. He was still concerned and kept looking under his shirt at his belly button and asking me what was wrong with it on the puter.

It was really cute, but even after we dropped the subject, he kept walking over to the computer to stare at that photo; he just seemed so confused.

When I came home, I showed him all the pages I'd finished and we came to one where I was feedin him from one of those tiny bottles they give you at at the hospital. He was wrapped in a blanket with a little knitted hat on his head. Zachary was staring at this photo asking me what was on his head...I told him about the hat and he said:

"NO, what is coming out of my head?" He was talking about the bottle haha. It was too cute!

Blog Neglect

2008-11-12T09:43:00.007-05:00

I've neglected my blog for more than a week and it's just unacceptable to me. So many things have happened where I've thought, "I really need to blog about that." Then, I totally forget, run out of time, etc. It's awful, because I get frustrated with other people for not paying their blog the attention it needs and here I am doing the same thing!!

It's probably that I've just been so daggone busy the past 10 days, but I'm not going to make excuses. I did get around to taking Zachary's fall pictures last weekend which was a huge accomplishment. It seems that every time I planned to do it over the past month, he always ended up with some kind of head wound that prevented me from doing it. There was the mosquito bite that swelled up his entire right eye for several days and then he got bounced out of the inflatable slide by the big kids at Trunk R' Treat. I guess with little boys the list goes on and on and it will for eternity :) But FINALLY, his bodily harm and injury schedule cooperated with Mother Nature and we had 15 minutes of perfect sun on Saturday afternoon. Here's a few of those shots.

Well, that's all for now, until I find something more philosophical to say!

Trying to stay positive about the next presidential administration

2008-11-03T15:34:00.003-05:00

I used to be intensely political and I guess I still am at times, however; I get more and more frustrated by the process as time goes by and the world becomes more liberal. I'm not a right-wing extremist and I've actually agreed with a few liberal points of view here and there. But usually I end up on the moderate to conservative side of things. I am sure there are some who would say I am VERY conservative on a few issues and well, that's fine with me. It's who I am; it's what I believe and I'm not apologizing for it. It's my right thanks to the sacrifices of so many people's lives over the years the United States has been a country.

I don't see how people can be so naive as to think that one person can actually fix all our woes in this country. Some politicians seem to have a cult-like following and there's just so much misinformation out there, I don't' see how people can follow that blindly.

I never vote for someone I have not read about, no matter what party they are affiliated with. I do take recommendations from trusted friends, but ultimately I am the one responsible for my decisions and I try to be as informed as possible. I will admit that occasionally I've gone to vote and been unaware of a few questions or judgeships at stake and I've picked randomly and I am not proud of it. I think you can only be so prepared. I really have a hard time leaving something blank, but I've committed to do that if I don't know anything about that particular question, position, etc.

I also don't apologize for basing many of my voting decisions on whether or not the candidate is pro-life. I know sometimes that's an unpopular way of sorting candidates, but I don't care. It's important to me and that's my right to do it. What I can't stand is how some people think their opinion is someone more important than mine. Did our soldiers fight harder for one opinion or another? NO, unless you consider that opinion to be democracy and free speech which covers all other opinions on either side of ANY issue. We ALL have a right to that and should not be demonized, criticized or ostracized for voicing it!!

Even though I'm not overly excited about either candidate, I will go to the polls tomorrow and vote for Sen. John McCain. I do not agree with everything he says, but the other option makes me cringe at the thought of this country heading toward a more socialistic form of government...dare I say communistic in some ways based on my understanding of Obama's ideas.

I think we need to take a good hard look at our constitution and decide to actually live by it. I don't believe we need bigger government; we need bigger people who take responsibility for their place in this world and for their families and who rely less on what the government can "do for them."

Hmmm maybe I'll write in Ron Paul; nah, that'd just be like voting covertly for Obama.

What's in the music?

2008-10-30T09:59:00.002-04:00

I should preface this blog with an apology to myself for being blogabsent for the past 10 days or so. I was involved with the Judgement House production at our church and a couple days, I spent 15 hours at the church! It was worth it though and it's been another amazing experience. God really showed himself to me and to so many others through all the volunteers. Everyone was so flexible and adaptive. I enjoyed it so much.

Now to catch up a bit. Sometime last week Zach began asking me a question I just couldn't figure out. Everytime we got in the car, he's start saying "What's that mommy? I would try to figure out what he was talking about, because he wasn't pointing at anything. I would say you mean that building, or that car or whatever I thought he might be wondering about. He kept saying no and then pointed up. I thought he might be talking about the music so I asked him "You mean the music?" He said no, what's that? UGH, I thought OH he wants to know what song it is, so I told him. He just got more frustrated and finally said "What's in it, mommy?"

I was stumped for a minute until he said "drum?" Holy cow, he's asking me what instruments are playing in the song. So we listened and I rattled off a few and he was completely satisfied. This continued with a few more songs and I mentioned I thought I heard the piano in one song. He said "no, I don't hear the pano in this song." I listened closely and he was right, it wasn't the piano. This has been going on now for almost two weeks almost every time we take a ride somewhere. I'm proud of him for being so curious and observant. He's really amazed me. It shouldn't really surprise me though. Since before he was born, he was going to choir and worship team practice with me, hearing all kinds of instruments and having several of his own. I don't think he's ready for anything he can destroy just yet; although I doubt he would.

He's never even tried to bang on a piano. Even when he was really little, he'd climb up on the piano bench at church and just play one note at a time, looking at us after each one to see if it was okay. He still does that. Sometimes he plays the lower notes a little louder, but he never bangs the keys. Maybe he'll actually play an instrument someday. I know he loves music just like his mommy :)

Escaped certain death in the bathroom!

2008-10-17T08:37:00.003-04:00

Once my heart pounding subsided, I realized the humor of the situation I got into last night. I also realized the blessing. After MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) at church last night, I made a little side trip to the bathroom by the gym. When I was leaving the stall, I unlatched the door and began to open it. It immediately fell off its hinges and barely missed my toe, but then the walls came crumbling down...literally. There are marble walls that divide the stalls in that bathroom and marble panels that hold the doors as well. When the door fell, the marble panel attaching the door to the stall divider went crashing forward. It fell perfectly between the sinks and broke into several pieces. I ran out the bathroom door and The other steering team members who were still there came to see what had happened. They heard the crash from the gym.

I realized I hadn't washed my hands in all that excitement, so I went back in the bathroom to do that and survey the full extent of the damage. Somehow the stall door had wedged itself under the marble stall divider, fortunately for me that stopped the wall from falling on me! I washed my hands and got out of there before the whole room collapsed!

We found one of the custodians still at the church and told him he needed to go in the women's bathroom but didn't really tell him why. All the sudden we heard him laughing hysterically. It was pretty funny, but I couldn't see the humor until my heart rhythm normalized! It may sound silly, but even in that I can see God's protection and I'm so thankful for it.

I quickly told the other girls that this only happened because Judgement House is next week and that's the bathroom they use since the other bathroom is across the hall from one of the main scenes. It makes me excited in a way because Judgement House is obviously going to be very good if Satan is using the lamest of all tricks to mess it up!

Calling all bats to Lamont Drive

2008-10-16T08:26:00.002-04:00

Yes,it's true. I'm sending out a warm invitation to all bats in the Lexington area to swarm Lamont Drive tonight. There's a serious problem over there and we need your assistance. Don't worry, your payout will be large as there are millions of mosquitoes for your dining pleasure! Sometimes you just have to declare all-out war on the venomous little punks and call in the big guns...BATS! Bats are likely the most effective natural mosquito control out there.

You see, the mosquitoes on Lamont Drive have been dive bombing my son long enough. They will no longer prevail. The last straw was the evil, blood sucker who decided to bite Zachary at the outside corner of his right eye. This caused the eye to swell shut for about 24 hours. Today he can open it about halfway, but it's still pitiful.

The skeeters may think they are going to win this one, what with humidity and rain forecast for today. But just wait, your time is coming and you will not win this one. The first round of shock and awe will be coming in about an hour thanks to Cutter Bug Free Backyard spray and don't worry, if any of you survive the first round of attacks, my son will be wearing some natural bug spray we found last night at Whole Foods; enjoy the smell, we got it just for you! Then tonight, the bats will swoop in and finish off any of you stubborn lingerers. This is your warning - you serve no good purpose in the environment and you must prepare to die!!!!!!!!!!

I wanna go to Christmas!

2008-10-13T09:00:00.002-04:00

Me too! We've been talking a lot about our Christmas travels to come this year and Zach just can't understand that we have to wait two months to leave. I know how he feels; I'm excited too and I want to go right now and spend time with the fam. He keeps saying "I wanna go to Christmas!" It's like he thinks Christmas is a place and in a way, he's right.

Christmas is a magical place, almost a fantasyland, when I get to be with my family. Since we live so far away, it's something that I look forward to with all my being. It only happens in even-numbered years. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins...all come from across the country to eat, laugh and pray together. It's pure bliss. Yes, sometimes the traveling is rough and it takes a long time to get where we are going and then when we get there, we still have to travel from place to place. We have to pack up stuff, mail presents, eat crappy road food, pray for no snow/ice on the roads and ultimately sleep on all kinds of uncomfortable beds, couches and floors. But somehow none of that really matters and it doesn't bother me to hear the old version of Rockin Around the Christmas tree a thousand times.

So yes, Zachary, mommy wants to go to Christmas too, but we still have to get through Judgement House, Kentucky Baptist Convention and Thanksgiving first....whew!

Grandma's WHAT?

2008-10-10T10:52:00.003-04:00

It's becoming ever-clearer that I have to mind my words with much more caution than ever before. With a fledgling English-speaker in the house, word pronunciation and diction are becoming more and more important. Take for instance our little "misunderstanding" on the way home from the babysitter's on Wednesday. I mentioned my mom in conversation to David and from the back seat, Zach begins to yell that he wants to talk to Maw Maw NOW!! He loves, loves, loves to talk on the phone and who am I to deprive him, so I told him I'd call her...the rest of the conversation went like this:

Me (under my breath to David): I wonder if he'd protest if we just called Granma (his mother) instead?
David: not sure what David said because I got an earful from backseater;
Zachary: Granma's DEAD?
Me: WHAT? How did you get that?
Zachary: She not dead?
Me: NOOO, granma's very much alive.
David: no words just laughing profusely inside his mouth, lips tightly closed so it sounded quite evil.
Me: Umm, I said inSTEAD honey, not DEAD!!
Zachary: Her dead, granma not dead?
Me: NO, we'll call her in a second so you can ask her.

David's mom got a big kick out of it and assured him that she was very alive. Whew!

"The Fireman took my Paci!"

2008-10-06T11:47:00.002-04:00

We tried to wean Zach off the paci again last night by telling him they were gone and we didn't know where they went. He asked about several locations in an earnest plea for us to find the silly sucker. We stood firm and told him they were gone. He actually went to sleep without it, even though he told me he didn't want to be a big boy; he wanted to be a baby and have his paci. He slept pretty good until about 3 am, when he called out for his daddy. David went to him and of course Zach asked for the paci. David convinced him it was truly gone and then offered to stay and sleep with him. They both went to sleep and without the paci!

I walked into Zach's room this morning after I got dressed. He appeared to still be asleep, but then opened his eyes and started crawling toward me asking about the paci again. I stuck with the plan and told him they were gone. He was deep in thought for a few seconds and then said "The fireman take my pacis? I said umm, the fireman took your paci's? just to make sure I heard him right. He shook his head yes and said that is what happened. I decided to go with it and I said. "Yes, the fireman took your pacis so he can give them to babies who need them." He scrunched up his forehead in deep thought again and then said. "No, I don't want babies to have my pacis." So I told him the fireman would just keep them then and he seemed pacified by that for some reason.

He must've had some colorful dreams about firemen. He's had a good bit of experience with emergency personnel - firemen breaking us into our house on Christmas day last year when we locked ourselves out (they came in the big engine and in full gear, 4 of them), we later took them a cake for their efforts and they let Zach wear a firehat and sit in the truck; and then there was the night he rode in the ambulance after his febrile seizure. We took cupcakes to those guys and they let him play with the sirens and sit in the ambulance driver seat. So, I guess it's not too out there for him to conjure up this story. Is it?

Shout out to Entree Vous in Nicholasville

2008-10-03T10:16:00.003-04:00

I know they will never read this, but I had to give a quick shout out to the people at this awesome meal preparation joint. Ever since I got the "go gluten free or die" label, it's been a challenge on the cooking side of life. It's gotten a lot easier, but the convenience has been slower to arrive. Enter Entree Vous; the chefs there are so nice and patient. Whenever I want to get something for my freezer that will make my life easier and healthier, they have taken as much time as I needed to go over ingredients and tweak dishes to make them safe for the gluten free gal. We probably get one or two meals (which makes 3 or 4 for our family) from them each month. They really know their stuff and make sure I only get/use ingredients that are safe for me. They are even making me a crustless cheesecake special this week! I'm so excited :)

Oh and yes, I posted twice today haha lucky for all my many readers; they get a double dose...again, I must remind you that it's national sarcastic awareness month :P

If God made you a singer, you have to sing!

2008-10-03T09:58:00.003-04:00

Lately everytime we head for church, Zachary has been asking me if I have to sing. He's talking about worship team because we have to be there early to practice and I usually send him off with this dad to play while I practice. When I tell him yes, he usually says "No, I don't want you to sing." It's a good guilt trip after a few sad, puppy eyes and sniffs. But then he always goes off and has a good time with daddy and he's fine. He just likes to make me feel crummy for a little while, I suppose.

It occurred to me that maybe by not addressing the question with more than a yes, I was missing an opportunity to bestow almighty wisdom on the kid..yeah that's it and it's also sarcastic awareness month.

But seriously, the last few times he's asked me I have said, "yes, I do. If God makes you a singer, you have to sing. If God makes you a preacher, you have to preach. If God makes you a teacher, you have to teach." And, so on. It's so true though, you just have to use the talents God gives you and it's important for kids to learn that as early as possible.

I hope Zachary will be a singer - he can already hold a tune pretty well as he walks around humming Twinkle, Twinkle and Jesus Loves Me. It's sweet, but if God doesn't make him a singer, He will give him another talent that He expects Zach to use for his Glory.

You need a band-aid?

2008-09-22T12:24:00.002-04:00

At one of the lowest points of last week I actually allowed myself to cry in front of Zach. I'd been trying to protect him from the stress I was going through, but sometimes that's pretty tough to do. He was so cute though, he was just blankly staring up at me, speechless. Then he said "Mommy, you sad?" I told him yes, I was sad, but I would be okay. He kept staring at me and I could just see the wheels turning in his head before he uttered "You need band-aid, mommy?" That made me cry more, not because I was so sad really, but more because of the empathy I saw pouring out of my child, offering me the only thing he knows helps fix a boo-boo. I told him that yes, I needed a big band-aid. He said he would get me one and then I stopped him and asked if he would be my band-aid. He looked at me in total confusion and just said "umm, no; I can't do it, I not you band-aid." We all giggled a little at that, especially since he didn't realize that is exactly what he was for me that day - my band-aid.

Life is such a roller coaster

2008-09-18T15:44:00.003-04:00

I think in the last two weeks, I've experienced just about every emotion possible on the human spectrum. I went from being a little surprised and even scared when I found out I was pregnant on Sept. 8, to complete joy and uncontainable excitement when the digital test confirmed that YES we were pregnant. I think that was the 7th positive I took and I finally believed it. I believed it enough to tell everyone I possibly could and even put up a photo of that test on facebook for the world to see. The next few days were spent over thinking the new baby and exactly how our lives might change in May next year. Those few days were so full of positive energy and congratulations.

I started to have some strange feelings over the weekend; like something was wrong with this pregnancy. I had some cramping that I don't remember having with Zach that early on. I tried to focus my mind elsewhere and not worry about it too much, but then on Monday afternoon, the spotting started. I called the doctor, who ordered a blood test to see where my hcg beta levels were. I took another pregnancy test that night and it was negative. My heart sank. This was such a new experience, I've never miscarried before and I was scared. As the bleeding became heavier and the cramping became worse, all I could do was cry and pray. The beta level came back at 11, not good, but still showing some sign of pregnancy. My doctor said she was 95 percent sure I was having a miscarriage, but she wanted to retest my beta (today) to make sure it was going down. She said she didn't want to give me any false hope, but that strange things have happened and she didn't want to give me a script to speed up the process if the level wasn't going down. So now I sit waiting on the phone call that will tell me what I already know in my heart; my baby is gone. I know some will say "wow you were only five weeks, it's only a bunch of cells." But I believe it was my child and it's such a hard thing to imagine your child dying, whether you've held him/her or not.

I've cried so much and felt comforted by stories that have come in from friends admitting they've gone through the same thing - some of them more than once. I know they feel my pain. It was hard to go to church last night, even though I thought I'd find comfort there. Some people hadn't heard the bad news yet and came happily congratulating me and I could see the uneasiness on their faces as I told them I lost the baby. I don't know what else to say to anyone; I don't want them to feel bad, but I don't want them to believe something that isn't true just so they won't feel bad if that makes any sense.

I'm a writer; it's what I do so I think that putting my thoughts down in written form helps give me clarity when I'm going through trials and that's what this is, a trial. My heart will choose to say Blessed be the name of Lord; you give and take away but my heart will choose to say Blessed be the name of the Lord. I know he has a plan for me amid all this. I remember standing in church last Sunday morning and the invitation song was the Potter's Hand. I've sang this song more times than I can remember and I suppose just glazed over the words that God so obviously pointed out to me that day. I almost lost my breath a little when I sang "I know for sure, all of my days are held in Your hand; crafted into Your perfect plan." I think He was preparing me even then for what He knew was going to happen the next day.

I'm not saying this is easy; it's one of the hardest things I've ever gone through, but I know God is holding me up. I think the thing that is the worst is that it's not just a quick blow; it's an excruciatingly long process and it feels like you just keep losing the baby all day, all night, for days.

Don't worry if you don't know what to say to me, just pray for me and give me a hug if you get an opportunity. We just want to be in God's perfect plan and we will and hopefully that will include one more child at some point.

Potty Training Rewind

2008-09-09T11:08:00.002-04:00

Holy, Holy, Holy...last night Zach told me he actually likes to go pee pee in his pants now. We'd come so far and were having minimal accidents and then he just decides to go on strike. Now last time I checked, toddlers didn't have the option to join a potty union so he's going to have to submit to his leaders at some point.

I mean really, we've been at this (at his leading) for more than 8 months now. And yes, I did buy the entire "Potty Training in Day" system. That lady is insane...seriously insane if she thinks my einstein is going to submit to that crap. It would give the parents too much leverage if kids actually potty trained in a day. What a false sense of hope that book shoves in our face?!? I'm sure there are those rare kiddos that actually get it in one day, but come on!!!!!!!

The conversation went something like this when I got to Linda's to pick him up yesterday afternoon.

Me: Zach how did you do on the potty today?
Zach: I pee pee in my pants!
Me: Where does the pee pee go?
Zach: In da potty, mommy!
Me: That's right! So, why are you putting it in your pants?
Zach: ummmm, becuz
Me: Because why?
Zach: ummm, becuz I like go pee pee in in in my pants! I like the pee pee in pants, yeah...I do!
Me: Ewww, that's gross; you like to be wet?
Zach: ummm, yeah, I do!! (followed by jumping and turning in circles).
Me: that's just nasty
Zach: naseee?
Me: yes, nasty! You need to keep your pants dry all day, like you did over the weekend.
Zach: Ummm no, I don't; I like pee pee in....my pants!!!

I realized at this point, I'd lost the battle for the day and there was no point in continuing. Now he won't poop in his pants, he thinks that's gross, so at least we have that. But gracious!

Speaking of potty training rewind - last week we took Zach to the pediatric GI clinic. He had been constipated once and I asked our pedi about running the celiac blood panel on him just to check; not because he'd been constipated, but because of my gluten intolerance and the possibility that Zach inherited that. He referred us to pedi GI and that's where the fun started.

We waited TWO HOURS in the exam room waiting for what I thought would be a GI specialist to come in and discuss bloodwork for Zach. Well all we saw was a nurse practitioner. Granted, NP's do know A LOT and sometimes take more time with you than a doctor, but considering our wait in a speciality clinic, I expected to see a specialty doctor! She came in lecturing me about the seriousness of celiac disease and the strictness of a gluten free diet, which DUH, I know; I've been doing it since March. She asked me if I really wanted Zach to have that label...well yes if he has it, I want to know. Anyway, the constipation came up and she wrote down "stool witholding" on his chart. I said he hadn't been doing that; he'd actually only gone one day without going. The rest of the time, he asked to go and he did it in the potty.

She told me that "despite what other people think, it's still potty training if your child can tell you they have to go and you say 'okay honey, let me put a pull up on you and you can go in it,' that's still progress and the child showing you they understand." WHAT THE HECK?? There is no way I'm rewinding all of it and telling him to poo in his pants even if he does tell me he has the urge. That was the lamest thing I've ever heard. I know I'm a first-time mom, but give me some credit; that is complete bull. I wonder if her school age kids still ask for poo poo pants when they have to go. WHATEVER! :)

I was going to write some really philosophical analogy, but I just can't lol; I can't lol.

Vote for me in November!

2008-08-29T08:10:00.004-04:00

Yes, the rumors are true. After all the frustration of trying to figure out who to vote for, I've taken matters into my own hands. I'm running for President of the United States. Check me out:

The Daddy Book

2008-08-26T15:49:00.002-04:00

There's a really cute Dr. Seuss book called The Belly Book. It basically talks about all kinds of bellies, human, animal, big, small, etc. Zachary loves the book and we read it often at bedtime. He gets a chuckle out of talking about bellies period. Yesterday morning after he woke up, he wanted to come lay in bed with me for awhile. So we laid there while David was getting dressed, when Zach pointed to David's belly and said "Daddy belly!" David patted himself on the belly and we talked about how we'd read the Belly Book the night before. Zach sat quiet staring at David's stomach for a few seconds, wheels turning in his mind as usual. Then he said, matter of factly, The Daddy Book! haha we all go such a good laugh out of that. Funny thing is ...David's been going to the gym for months!

Bed pictures

2008-08-15T13:02:00.004-04:00

Although we still don't have the wagon canopy complete, I'm putting up a few big boy bed photos. We threw up a down comforter to get a feel for how it's going to look, but it wasn't nearly big enough.

Not cute enough?

2008-08-12T09:45:00.002-04:00

So yet another story surfaces today about the Chinese not telling the whole truth about something. Yesterday we found out that the fireworks in the opening ceremony were "digitally enhanced" for the television viewing audience...read FAKE! Now today a story surfaces that the 7-year-old girl whose voice was deemed the best was not allowed to sing the national anthem for the ceremony because she was not cute enough. That's just freaking ridiculous. I saw a photo of her and she's a sweet, innocent looking child. But the chinese officials said her teeth were crooked and they thought the national audience would understand what they had to do. So....they chose a "prettier" girl and made her lip-sync to the "ugly" girls voice. OH MY GOSH, that just infuriates me. The "ugly" girl said she understood and it was an honor for her voice to be used in the games...WHATEVER. Imagine that poor child's self esteem struggle. Imagine how crappy that must've made her parents feel. I don't know about you, but if someone ever tells me Zach's not cute enough for something, Nelly bar the door!

Moving up and moving on...the big boy bed

2008-08-07T09:03:00.003-04:00

First of all, shout out to Ralph Goreham - one of THE most talented carpenters in Lexington. Soon I'll have a picture of his final product to show you guys. He's done his part, now I just have to finish his masterpiece.

Zachary loves everything to do with cowboys and horses; he has been to the Boot Store one time and that was to get his John Deere cowboy boots. His memory is so good regarding that experience that he can point to the Boot Store when we drive by and talk about his boots. He loves polo shirts because they have "horsies" on them. He rides, feeds and pets his two rocking horses. He has a cowboy figurine that he sometimes puts by his plate at mealtime so he can "feed the hungry cowboy. Maybe I've sort of forced him into this obsession since I decorated his nursery in retro western flair. But I was honestly just trying to avoid the obsession some kids have with Pooh or Barney or any other animated character... and so far, it's worked!! Regardless, when making the decision to move out of the crib into a big boy bed, I've tried to be very "extreme makeover creative" about the whole thing. Of course, I've tried to avoid the extreme makeover prices.

We decided to go ahead and go with a full size bed to maximize the time Zach uses the bed. I saw an ad on craigslist.org about a guy in Lexington who said he could build anything a person could describe from a drawing, a picture or just a description. I ran several ideas by him, but we both finally agreed on a covered wagon bed. Yes the bed looks like a real covered wagon! He built the bed and delivered it within 10 days! Amazing! The stain even matches the current furniture in the room. He made everything but the cover, which I'm trying to figure out right now. We'll have it all together soon. The bows that hold the cover are removeable so it's sort of like a playhouse on top of a very sturdy bed. I'm not going to post a picture until it's completely done...ooh the suspense for my millions of readers hahah. It's actually only 2 or 3, but that's not why I write the blog.

The day the bed moved in, we were trying to get Zach all hyped up for the move and he was really playing into it. He loved climbing up in the bed. You could just see the cautious excitement in his eyes. Yes I almost cried. Geez, why am I such an emotional girl?!?! I KNOW this should be a great moment for all of us, but where did my baby go?

He resurfaced about 1 am when he sat boltright up in bed and started screaming for mommy. I think he was just totally confused as to where he was and he forgot he got a new bed! Thankfully we had enough forethought to make it a full, so daddy slept with him the rest of the night. Since that first night, he's done incredibly well once he finally falls asleep. There have even been a few mornings when I've had to wake him, which if you know us, is an extremely RARE event. I think he probably needed to move out of that crib months ago; he was just too cramped. A lot of my friends warned me that he would constantly be getting up and running around the house or to our room, but the funny thing is he hasn't gotten out of the bed at all. I'm not saying he never will (I hope he eventually gets up himself to go potty), but for now I'll take this!

I've been really sappy over this whole ordeal and maybe I made it a big deal for me too, not just for Zachary, so that I could handle it better. I know children are a gift from God and that He is just entrusting us to take care of His children for a little while here on Earth. Knowing that doesn't make the giving up process any easier. I've been basically giving him away since he was born:

giving him to the nurses to run all his tests and clean him up right after birth;
giving him to the doctors to stick needles in him;
giving him to nursery workers at church so that I can worship;
giving him to the babysitter because I have to work;
giving him to himself because he wants to be more independent;
giving him to the occasional weekend night babysitter so I can nuture my relationship with my husband;
and now, giving him to the natural process of growing up and needing me less.

Wow, it's hard isn't it? I think it's rough on me and I don't even know the details of Zachary's future. Think about how hard it was for God to give his only son to the thing he hated most - sin. Think of how hard it was for God to give his pure and only son to those guards who beat him beyond recognition and then nailed him to cross. Really think how hard it was for God to turn his face away from his one and only son as he took all of our sins upon himself. Think about how unimaginable it was for God to watch his only son be buried in a tomb and to watch the people's hopelessness around Him. Some may say "well, yeah but he knew the future, he knew that he was resurrecting his son three days later to give the world more hope than they'd ever known." But honestly, even if I knew my son would live victorious, I could never hand him over and watch as he was beaten and killed. I could never say "well, it's okay, he'll be fine in a few days." I never truly understood all of that until I had my own child, and he's not really even mine; I'm really just God's babysitter.

Sometimes you just have to take a stand!

2008-07-28T11:39:00.002-04:00

I realize we are at a pivotal era in parenting and our discipline methods are becoming more and more important, but they certainly aren't getting any easier. You know the old cliche phrase "this is gonna hurt me more than it will hurt you?" Well, it's true and it doesn't always relate to corporal punishment, which is something we avoid at all costs anyway.

Saturday started off normal enough, Zach snuggled, errr, played in our bed for about a half hour before we got up and then we all went downstairs to make "moatmeal." Breakfast passed without a tantrum..yeah we were doing great! I needed to run to Walmart for a few things and Zach wanted to go with me. Usually telling him it's time to get dressed to go anywhere starts a tirade, so I decided to use walmart as a bargaining tool. I told him if he got dressed quick, he could go with me. Amazingly, it worked. He was dressed in warp speed and all we had to do was brush the hair, which takes all of two minutes max to untangle his little curls. With the mention of "fix hair," Zach went into all-out tantrum mode screaming "NO I NOT FIX HAIR NO MORE." He went about the house hitting the walls, yelling at the cats and kicking anything in his path.

So I thought if walmart bargaining worked on the clothes, maybe it would work for the hair. Wrong. I told him he would only go to walmart when he let me brush his hair. He continued screaming and kicking, etc. I thought okay, if I pretend to leave, he will know I'm serious. I walked out the door and the crying did not stop. So I walked back in and told him one last time that he could only go to walmart after his hair was brushed. Screaming continued and I told David I was sorry he had to stay and deal with it, but I had to take a stand. So I told Zach I loved him and I'm sorry he could not calm down enough to go to walmart and then I walked out the door with confidence - on the outside.

As I got into the car and began to drive away, I started crying a little. I hated that I had to leave him there and that he was sad. I wanted to run back in and scoop him up, but I fought the urge and hoped it would show him that I mean what I say.

God must've seen my inner struggle and decided to plant someone in my path at walmart who would understand my plight. When I rounded a corner, there was Alecia Ward. We said our hellos and then she asked the predictable "how are you?" Usually I just say "fine," even when I'm not. But for some reason I just got honest and told her that I'd just had to take a stand with Zach. I explained what happened and she affirmed my decision and like any good, experienced mother would do, told me it had to be done and the sooner he realizes I mean what I say, the better. We didn't linger, we both had things to do, but I walked away feeling confident in my decision and knowing I'd done the right thing. I was thanking God for placing someone there for me who would understand and empathize a bit.

When I got home, Zach was calm, but very red-eyed. David said he'd cried for close to 30 minutes of the 40 I was away. He had to sit on the stairs (our time out spot) for quite awhile because he was being aggressive with David, hitting, kicking, etc. It was so sad, Zach came up to me with tears still in his voice "Mommy, (sniff, sniff, sniff) I wanna go walmart with mommy." I explained to him that I'd had to go without him because he wouldn't let me brush his hair. He just said "yeah." I did scoop him up then and tell him how much I love him, but that we still needed to brush his hair. He reluctantly let me.

It makes me think of the fits I throw when I don't want to do something I know God wants me to do. They may not be manifested in screams, kicks and the like (or maybe they are) but it's the same struggle with our human desire to sin. I'm not talking about "awful" things either, but even gossiping, impatience, gluttony, selfishness and on and on. It's all the same to Him and sometimes he has to take things away from me to prove a point - an opportunity, a friend, etc.

I love the verse "train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it," Proverbs 22:6. I wonder if that applies to more than just people young in age. Perhaps it applies to all of us as God's children and he's constantly training us up. I know He is still training me and sometimes, more often than I'd like to admit, He has to take a stand too.

Electric Stove-top Burners ARE hot, yes sir!

2008-07-23T12:52:00.002-04:00

Last night was a lesson for everyone in my house (well, not the cats; they just aren't teachable). We had to run by Lowes on the way home and then I needed to put the finishing touches on supper before serving it. Zachary loves to help make mashed potatoes so I invited him to help me. I had taken the pot off the burner and turned it off and drained the potatoes. I had everything ready and he pulled up his chair.

He was a little too close to the burner for my comfort so we scooted down a bit and I warned him that the stove was still hot and he was not to touch it. He said "hot" and shook his head that he agreed to leave it alone. This is usually not a problem as he's really good about leaving dangerous things alone once he's warned of their disaster potential. Plus, he was standing right beside me, right? What could go wrong? Never ask yourself that question, by the way.

Things got a tad chaotic because I was also steaming fresh green beans in the microwave. The microwave beeped and David came over and reached around Zachary into the microwave to retrieve the beans, which were still too hot to remove. He started to move them and realized he was about to spill them everywhere so he tossed them back in the micro. Well, I was distracted and apparently so was Zachary, so instead of continuing to help me mash the potatoes, he decided to try out the burner. He had to lean over quite a bit to reach it and his little hand was probably on there less than half a second, but it FREAKED me out. I dropped the potatoes, splashing them across the kitchen floor, as I scooped up Zach. He wasn't even crying...yet. In an instant I had his hand under running water, I couldn't bring myself to look at it because I was too scared what it looked like. We held his hand there for awhile and he did start to cry and talk about how hot the burner was...REALLY? DUH! Mommy TOLD YOU IT WAS HOT, dangit. FYI, don't say dangit or any other "curse" word in front of your children; they repeat those words incessantly. I can't get him to say kangaroo, but he's mastered dangit...sigh.

I sent David upstairs to get the Dr. Sears baby book...BUY IT, it's great...and we decided to take a look at the burn(s). It wasn't nearly as bad as I had imagined. In fact it hadn't even broken the skin. I filled up a bowl with tap water like the book said and I submerged his hand in there. It was easier to keep his hand in a bowl than under the running tap. We called the pediatric triage nurse, who probably knows us very well by now. I'm surprised he even had to ask me all the usual information haha. We determined that we could treat the boo boo at home and this morning, it's barely visible. Last night I really thought the slight blisters were going to become a problem, but whew, they aren't.

Zachary will NEVER help me make anything near the stove in the future, and even if I asked him, I doubt he'd agree to come anywhere near that thing. I'm amazed that it did so little damage and so thankful he's okay. Oh and we did salvage the potatoes, most of them anyway.

I no wanna go bed

2008-07-18T09:48:00.004-04:00

I'm wondering what exactly children have against sleep. I mean really; as an adult I LOVE sleep; I desire sleep; I look forward to it sometimes with all that is within me!! My son, on the other hand, abhors sleep and will do anything in his power to not enter into peaceful rest of dreamland.

We were on such a great roll before we went to Kansas City. For so many nights, he'd been so easy to put down (and after nearly 2 years of night wakings, you get used to the all night sleeping really fast!). We'd take a bath, read books, sit in my mommy's lap for awhile and then say night night and I'd leave the room and it was perfect. No tears, no whining, no refusing to close eyes. Then we went on two cross-country trips in a month. The first was to Texas and he recovered faster than we ever expected. The second trip was to Kansas City. Now there's not really a lot different about either trip in terms of sleeping arrangements; he slept with us on both. We've never really been co-sleepers, so it was like a special treat...for him. I'm not really into getting kicked in the ribs at night or head butted in pre-sleep stupors, but it worked for a short time.

We've been back for almost 2 weeks and we've had ONE...count it, ONE...night that ran as smoothly as the nights before our trip. We haven't changed the routine...bath, books, songs, bed, but Zach's obviously changed his position on the bed part. It's taken roughly 2 hours each night to get the little monster to bed, which feeds a cycle of sleep deprivation, which feeds a cycle of increased tantrums, which feeds a cycle of sleep deprivation...

I'm patient for about the first hour and then I just get so agitated that I want to bang my head on the wall; last night I gave in and banged it on his door while telling him to HUSH and CLOSE EYES. AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm sure that made him feel safe and secure and enticed him to sleep eh?

I haven't given in; once he's in bed, he's there and I don't pick him up again. I don't let him in our bed unless it's after 5:30 a.m. I do try to stay in the room until he's really drowsy and seems asleep and I do tip toe out the door. But, he must have sonar in his ears because he can hear the slightest creak in the door and he's sitting up screaming again. David and I have been standing outside his door trying to reassure him that we are "right here." It finally works, but it's just exhausting. I'm not a cry it out mom, so I really don't want anyone telling me I should just leave him alone to cry. He could outcry me anyday.

I was talking to a girl at Gymboree yesterday who apparently lets her 13 month old cry it out for an hour or more without even checking on her. I just cannot see the logic in that and it doesn't happen at my house. I'll let him go a few minutes, then I'll go in and lay him back down, calm him down and leave again. That's what I've always done and it eventually works, but it doesn't usually take 2 weeks WOW. I'm just so tired. I really have a lot of respect for moms who can handle more than one baby/preschooler; I don't know where you get the energy unless you have at least one naturally good sleeper.

Summer Lovin' Oh my

2008-07-07T15:17:00.005-04:00

Even in his brief 2 years4.5 months, Zachary always has been a relentless little flirt. I keep thinking down the road to when he experiences the harsh reality that girls will not always chase him around and kiss him. I'm not sure when the cootie stage starts, but it's going to be tough on him I'm afraid!

Last night, we were attending our church's independence day picnic. Most of the huge inflatables in the central Kentucky area were on the church property for the kiddies to amuse themselves while the grownups tried to relax...yeah right. It was a mere 89 degrees when we arrived and Zach didn't care; he wanted to play till he dropped. The first few times on the big slide, his daddy accompanied him and then Arynn Greenfield took him a few times. Finally he was semi-ready to go it alone or as he says "Zach self!" So we let him go through with a few older kids and then came Samantha. Sammie is one year and 8 days older than Zach. They met in the obstacle course slide and then became inseparable. Each time one of them would finish jumping or sliding, etc., they would find each other and walk hand-in-hand to the next attraction. At one point in a long line, I saw Zach wrap one arm around Sammie's waist...he's not shy.

I had to laugh though when Zach was holding Sammie's hand with his left hand and picking his nose with his right...oh how ticked am I that this photo was not in focus, not a good time to play with a new lens! They two cuties held onto each other until the party people deflated all the rides.

Arynn stole Zach away again right before the fireworks started. It was a little bittersweet because it really was the first time he got to experience "big" fireworks and I didn't get to share that first with him. I realized that it's not the first time some other girl will win out over mommy UGH! She brought him back toward the end of the show, so we still got to watch a few together. He was completely unafraid and very nonchalant about the whole ordeal. Funny from a kid who's still freaked out by the vacuum cleaner!

The last piece of the puzzle

2008-06-09T10:48:00.004-04:00

Photo: Back row - Jeffrey(25), Daddy(59), Michael (26); Middle row - Lori Beth (almost 32), Aimee (me, 36); Front row - Frankie (almost 7) and Angel (4). There were so many cameras; I think we're all looking at a different one!

So the trip to Texas was hot, but that's not going to surprise anyone. Driving down there always brings a lot of memories to my mind as I think about the ones who have gone on before me. I think about my Ma and Papa, Pawpaw, Nanny B. and aunt Adelyn, among others.

I also think of the of the dozens of folks who are still there, whom I just don't get to see enough. I no longer have to wonder about the people I haven't met and that is a tremendous load off my mind. I finally got to meet my brother Michael and his little boy Mike. I was a little nervous about the meeting; I won't lie. But, I started thinking about the whole experience and trying to imagine it from Michael's perspective - he was actually meeting 4 of us for the first time; seeing our brother Jeff for the first time in 4 years and seeing our dad for the first time in 10 years. Most of the aunts, uncles and cousins hadn't seen Michael since he was a little boy. Needless to say, I bet he had a lot more to be nervous about. I have to say I'm overwhelmed by all of it, in a good way. The Sunday we all got together was so laid back and relaxing even though it we were outside in 98-degree heat. The tree canopy at my aunt's house was very comfortable and we all sat around catching up and enjoying each other.

I didn't have any real deep conversations with Michael, but it was a very good start to our relationship and I'm just so glad it worked out this way. I wish he wasn't going to the Middle East at the end of the month, but I assured him we'd be praying for him the entire time. He'll have e-mail access and so we'll be able to continue corresponding that way until he gets back.

Another positive is that Zachary and Lil' Mike sure became fast friends. Lil' Mike was driving Bella's princess car around the yard when we got there. Zachary climbed right in and they took off until the battery went dead. They had a blast. They are only about a year apart, Lil' Mike will soon be four. He even got Zachary to play in the sand box. If you know Zach at all, this is a minor miracle as he HATES getting dirty. He played for awhile and then made me take him inside as he was repeating "mommy, keen me up, peas." haha

I just think a lot of healing took place last week and I truly believe that God does work all things together for good. My mom was praying that for all of us and well, when she prays, things happen. Sometimes I think she has a more direct line to the heavenly throne than most of us.

I also got to spend some quality time with my dad for the first time in a LONG time. It seems like the last few times we've been around each other it's very rushed and there's always a slew of people around to distract us. The Friday night we got to Texas, we headed down to my dad's house and just hung out for several hours with him, Frankie and Angel. His wife was at work so it was just all of us. We really did enjoy ourselves and I had a chance to really speak openly with my dad about my attitude of forgiveness and acceptance of my brothers and sister and even him. I just know things are going to be better with this attitude. No, I can't forget all the pain but I can choose not to dwell on it and choose to make things different on my part from now on. I want to have a relationship with him and ALL my siblings and I think the week was a great start for all of that.

Each time I go home to Texas or Oklahoma, I just get more homesick afterward. It really sucks.

Firsts and lasts ; Texas and Iraq

2008-05-28T08:24:00.004-04:00

Yes, I spent the majority of last week laying in a hospital bed with pancreatitis and it totally stunk! Worst pain I have ever felt and I'm really glad for good drugs, kind nurses and some amazingly smart doctors. They still aren't completely sure what caused it...could be that I accidentally ate gluten, could have been a side effect of the CMV virus, could've been a left over gall stone from my surgery last fall....but no one knows for sure. Maybe it was a combination of all of it. I don't want to dwell on that experience in this blog because frankly I have much more exciting stuff coming down the pike and well...I'm sick of being sick and I'm determined that is the last bout of sickness for me for awhile. I really appreciate all the prayers, visits, phone calls, flowers and meals from my sweet friends. I hope I can repay your kindness in some way in the future.

So on to the more exciting stuff - my brother. Tomorrow, David, Zach and I are heading down the road to the motherland. For those who don't understand that means TEXAS people :) the land where I was born and where the majority of my family still resides. The road traveled is nothing new, we go to Texas all the time, but this time it's different. I'm going to meet my half-brother Michael for the first time. He's 26 and he's always lived in Washington state so it's never been "convenient" for us to meet. Also, I held a grudge against him for way too long for something that isn't his fault at all.

You see, when I was 10 years old, my dad cheated on my mom and as a result the woman he cheated with became pregnant. My dad thought the right thing to do was leave us, marry her and raise that child. The situation caused so much pain in my life and so much bitterness that at times I really hated them all. Then God broke my spirit and I realized I had to forgive my dad and even the woman who I felt had broken up our family. They had two boys together and then they divorced and she moved the boys to Wash. I met my younger brother Jeffrey when he was 17 (he's 25 now) and I'm really glad we've met. I wish we were a bigger part of each other's lives and I'm working on that.

I'd always asked my dad about Michael when we did talk, which is not often, and he'd say he didn't know how to reach him, blah blah blah. I never pushed the issue because of a multitude of reasons. I knew he was in the Navy and that he'd been out on several cruises, most of which my dad never even knew what ship he was on. Over the past several years, I've had a strong desire to connect with him and I just didn't know how. My brother Jeff is on my myspace friends' list and one day I noticed someone on his friends' list that looked like him and the name was right so I sent a message to Michael and told him I'd like to get to know him. He said he would like that. He also told me he's about to be deployed to Iraq and this time he will be on the ground. He mentioned that he wanted to get in touch with my dad, whom he hadn't seen in 10 years. His mom now lives in Texas so he was planning to spend some time there before he ships out. I worked it out so that we could be there during that time and my sister even jumped on board and is bringing her family down from Oklahoma to meet him as well.

I'm so excited, nervous, anxious, happy and sad. I wish we were meeting under different circumstances and that he didnt' have to go put himself in harm's way shortly after. I want a chance to really know him and I don't want him to get hurt fighting for our country. I'm so proud of him at the same time for doing this. He's got a 3-year-old son that he has to be away from so much because of duty and honor to this country. I guess I'm scared too; my mother lost her brother in Vietnam and I don't want to lose a brother in Iraq the same way. I know it's different because I haven't even been a part of his life the way my mother was a part of her brother's life, but still I've prayed for him for a long time and I do love him as strange as that may sound to some.

Another interesting part of this puzzle is Michael's mother. I never saw her, not even a photograph, while I was growing up. I honestly believe God was protecting my eyes because had I seen her, I would have a picture of someone to fuel my hatred. My childhood ended when I was 10 because of what she and my dad did to us; that's how I felt. I had to watch my mother go into a deep depression and I had to take care of my younger sister A LOT. It was tough for a young child, but we got through it and we're all closer because of it. Not too long ago through the Myspace maze, I saw her but the first photos I saw included photos of her recent baptism after she was saved. Now I firmly believe God shielded my eyes as a child to prevent deeper hatred and bitterness and I firmly believe he allowed me to see her for the first time under the veil of His grace so that I could forgive her. What a mighty God; a God so sensitive to our needs in THIS moment. For He knew when I was 10 that it would be 26 more years before I'd see this woman and that it would be in a situation where I could not hate.

So this weekend will complete the mystery, the missing puzzle piece in my family. All six of my father's children will hopefully be in one place for the first time. I hope he is able to sense the awesomeness of that moment. Ages 5 to 36; 3 girls; 3 boys - same father, three different moms. It's really my hope and prayer that one day we'll all be bigger parts of each other's lives. I'll post after all this goes down :)

Tyson, what a tangled web we weave

2008-05-15T08:37:00.005-04:00

Okay a lot of people know I lean to the natural and organic side of things and call me alternative, granola, crunchy, or just plain weird. I'm very opposed to antibiotics and hormones in our meats, eggs and dairy products, heavy pesticide use in vegetable crops, ANY artificial sweeteners, high fructose corn syrup in ANYTHING (that's right any diet soda or soda with HFCS is evil :)), etc. There's a megaton of evidence to support my leanings and I don't apologize for them whatsoever. I also don't push them on others, but I do explain myself if someone asks or wants information as to why these things are harmful to our families. I try to be a very educated consumer and most of the time, I get it right. So maybe it's me I should be more frustrated with, but today I'm frustrated with Tyson and their deceptive marketing.

A couple years ago when we decided to stop buying those frozen, boneless, skinless chicken breasts at the grocery store, it was hard to stomach the price of the chicken I know is more healthy and safe. But we made it work, bought from local producers in the warm months and then from Whole Foods in the winter months when sustainability wasn't a valid option if you wanted chicken. Then last year I saw it...Tyson's "ALL NATURAL" frozen, boneless, skinless breasts!!! I thought we'd hit the jackpot and I picked up a bag and felt very good that I was buying a product raised without hormones, without antibiotics that contribute to antibiotic resistance in humans, etc. I should've known then that it was too good to be true.

The USDA approved the labeling and marketing for Tyson on this product and more recently retracted their approval saying they can either stop labeling the chicken antibiotic-free or remove the ionophores (antibiotic-like substance) from its chicken feed. Now if you want to research ionophores and how they are just a smoke screen for antibiotics, feel free that's not what this blog is about. But I guess since Tyson is not injecting antibiotics into the chicken's body, they feel they can claim "raised without antibiotics," I call BS! I also learned that Tyson injects their chicken eggs with antibiotics, but they this:

“The claim we’re making is ‘raised without.’ And our consumer research would say that ‘raised without’ in the consumer’s mind, is from hatchery to when they buy the chicken in the store,” said Dave Hogberg, senior vice president for consumer products at Tyson.

A federal judge has ordered Tyson Foods to withdraw advertisements claiming its chickens are “raised without antibiotics that impact antibiotic resistance in humans.”

Two competitors said the ads were untrue because Tyson injects it eggs with antibiotics and used antibiotic molecules in its feed.

Tyson maintained that its claim was truthful, and intends to appeal the decision....of course they did.

Another thing about this "all-natural" chicken: it could be injected with up to 15 percent salt water. It could contain carrageenan, a seaweed extract allowing the chicken to hold on to the salt and water during processing.

Also, the fine print on the back of a chicken package labeled "100 percent all natural" could show that the chicken contains up to seven times the extra salt of nonenhanced varieties. So if you're aiming for a low-sodium diet, forget these babies.

So there's my rant for today. Tyson, I'm DONE with you and I guess it's back to sky-high chicken prices....the sky IS falling little guy :)

My sister loves me :)

2008-05-13T13:56:00.003-04:00

Yes, my sister really loves me and it shows in ways that most people wouldn't recognize.

We live far apart - roughly 800.44 miles. We talk almost daily and I've never felt like the physical distance has created much emotional distance between us. In fact, we have to actually talk a lot more to keep up. We vent to each other A LOT! Throughout my recent health ordeal, I've vented and cried and even sat silent with her on the phone. We used to do this thing when I first moved to Kentucky and Party of Five and Beverly Hills 90210 were still on the air and not in syndication; we'd call each other and literally watch the shows together, like we used to do in person and make comments, laugh so on. It was a way to stay close and still enjoy the things we had in common together even though we were not physically together. It meant a lot to me, although I'm sure other people didn't quite understand our "wierdness." Whatever.

I have helped her with marketing and promoting a now defunct candle company - why those things never took off I still don't know; they were the BEST candles ever and I'm not just saying that out of sisterly bias. So we moved right into marketing a new business venture for her - a children's consignment sale called Adorable Affordables. It's been very successful in the first two installments and we still have a way to work together on things across the miles. God bless technology...really!

It's these little things I've learned to appreciate the most. But this most recent act of love on her part is so sweet. She knows I've struggled with gluten intolerance/celiac disease and that I just really don't like to cook. She on the other hand, loves to cook and plan menus and she's very good at it. I told her, jokingly, it was her job to find a way to make a gluten-free cake that tastes like her wedding cakes. She's taken me seriously and really started to research it. But it's gone beyond that; she is out buying gluten-free products and taste-testing them for me...awww, right? She left me a message today about buying a Thai product that was gluten free and how good it was. I was just really touched that she's doing this for me. For those of you with gluten intolerance/celiac disease, you realize how tough the taste battle is sometimes with gluten free products and to know that your family is supportive is just exceptional.

He Nose How to Embarrass Me Now

2008-05-06T08:28:00.005-04:00

Yes I realize some of you may think I misspelled a word in the title of this blog. But you'll figure out why I'm so punny today.

I always wondered at what age our honest-to-a-fault children begin to embarrass us in public by the comments they make. I don't have to wonder anymore. Last night at Zachary's Gymboree class, Meghan and her daddy walked in and Zachary stared at the daddy and then very matter of factly said "mommy, NOSE" and pointed straight to the guys big nose. I was like oh, that's right that's his nose. I thought that would be it. But Zach was still pointing and still saying "nose." At that point, Meghan's daddy said "Yeah, I have a big nose." I was pretty mortified because I couldn't get Zach to stop staring at his nose. Finally he began pointing to David's nose too, whew.

The bad thing is we had to stay with these people for another 45 minutes and it was awkward to say the least. I guess it wasn't that bad in retrospect, however, it was a very hot-cheeks moment at the time!

Great, I'm raising a potential burgler

2008-05-02T11:08:00.002-04:00

What's that passage about raising up a child in the way he should go and when he's old, he will not depart from it? UH OH, we are in trouuuuuuuuuuuble! The other day Zach picked up a business card laying on the table and said he wanted to "hold it." Well he immediately walked to the front door and started swiping it between the door and frame by the door knob. I was watching him and thinking "surely not, he couldn't know that."

So here's the conversation that followed:
Me: Um, Zachary what are you doing?
Zach: I unlock it.
Me: David, get in here and look at what your son is doing.
Zach: I unlock it, daddy.
Me: Zachary we unlock the door with a key, not a card.
Zach: silent and still swiping.
Me: Zachary?
Zach: I unlock it.
Me: That's not how you unlock it.
Zach: Mommy, you do.

Unbelievable, right; then it hit me. We locked ourselves out of the house on Christmas day and to make a long story short - I ruined a credit card trying to break back into the house and then the firefighters tried to use the same method before finally getting us back in. I couldn't believe he remembered that! He did get to go to the fire station a few days later and give them a cake we made and they in turn let him be a little fireman for awhile and sit in the truck. They even gave him his own hat. So I guess we all glorified breaking and entering! Go us!

Storms a'plenty

2008-04-28T13:38:00.003-04:00

Apparently someone thought we haven't been through enough in the last several months. I tried to blog about this twice already and I just couldn't type it because it made me cry. It probably still will but it'll be good to get it "written" down. Writing always helps me sort my thoughts.

Last week, I was finally starting to feel better - no fever, getting some energy back, and so on. Well Wednesday, Zach's babysitter called around noon to tell me Zach had a low grade fever. I thought "oh great, he's getting another ear infection." She called again at 1:30 and said it was 102 and asked if she could give him tylenol. Obviously I said yes and then I called the doctor. They didn't have any open appointments so they told us to take him to the Twilight clinic at UK. We got there about 5 and his fever was back up, but higher - 102.8 this time. The intern checked him out and said he probably just had a cold. I insisted it was his ear; but she said she didn't see anything. So, we went home. I got his fever down to 101 and decided I could let him go to bed.

About 3 hours later, David and I were getting ready to head upstairs to bed and I heard Zach. I thought he was crying, but it sounded strange. I went in his room and saw him shaking, choking, eyes rolling back in his head. It was my worse nightmare; I've always worried about something happening to him in his sleep. I rushed over and grabbed him out of the crib. I was crying and talking to him and I couldn't get him to open his eyes; he just kept shaking, arching his back and gagging. I screamed for David and told him to call 911. Zach finally came back and then he was so confused and he just screamed and cried.

Thankfully the ambulance house is only a couple blocks away. They got there so fast. As I was walking down the stairs, I felt my legs go limp and I just had no strength in my body. I was holding Zach and trying to climb into the ambulance. The EMT took him from me so I could crawl in; it was very difficult. I have never felt that before. We finally got in and they strapped him down. He was so scared and then we had to take his blankie away and strip his clothes off. They took his temp and it was just over 104. The EMT tried to assure me that it was probably just a febrile seizure due to his temp and he probably had an infection of some kind. Zach finally calmed down and was listening to the sirens. I started asking him if he remembered seeing ambulances on the road and he said he did and then he said "doctor." Whenever we see an ambulance we always tell him it's taking someone to the doctor. David followed us in the car and said he kept up with the ambulance until about Southland Dr. then he got caught at a light. He still wasn't far behind.

We got to UK and the EMT had to carry Zach inside. He didn't understand and kept reaching for me. It was so hard not to just grab him. I finally got him back once we were inside and down the hall. They immediately gave him more Tylenol and weighed him. He'd lost half a pound this week; he's down to 28 lbs. even. He did so good even though we were all so scared. We were taken to the peds area of the ER where they gave him ibuprofen because his temp wasn't dropping fast enough. They attached one of those oxygen sensors to his big toe, which he hated, but endured.

The resident came in and looked in his ears and said he thought he had an ear infection. (Hmmm didn't I say that about 5 hours earlier hmmmmm). But, they wanted to dig some wax out and then let the attending say for sure. They did a strep culture and made him move his head all around. At first he wouldn't move his head, but the nurse said he had to so he could buy his way out of a spinal tap. I got very insistent to Zach that he do what she said and he did, whew. Once his fever was down, he was having a good old time in the hospital bed laughing and being himself. He kept saying he was sleepy, but he refused to sleep. Finally about 2 something, they discharged us with a prescription for omnicef that they insisted we fill on the way home (thank God for 24 hour pharms) and instructions to call the pediatrician in the morning. Zach stayed awake all the way home, eating cheerios and looking at the lights. I don't know why he hates sleep so much sometimes.

Thursday morning we called his ped. and got him in there before noon. He felt pretty certain it was a febrile seizure, but got us an appointment in neurology for Friday morning. The people in neuro were so nice to Zach and he passed his physical exam with flying colors. The neuro said he wants to just take a "wait and see" approach and not expose Zach to unecessary radiation through a CT scan and not irritate his scalp for an EEG. He said if he has another one anytime soon, we'll reevaluate. Good thing is that since he was older than two when he had the first seizure, his chances for having another before he's three or four is about 30 percent. We're just supposed to try and make sure his fever never gets above 101.5 to try and prevent it. They also wrote us a prescription for a gel that will stop a seizure that lasts too long should we need it.

I think we're finally getting back on schedule and starting to get caught up on missed sleep. Now, I'm a worry wart anyway, so this has really shaken me. I have a hard time leaving him in his room alone. I wake up with every cough or similar noise on the monitor. I thought I was going to have a heart attack the other night when the cat hacked a hairball at 5 a.m. I thought it was Zach. I've had to really work hard and just putting Zach in God's hands and trusting Him to take care of my little baby. It's the least I can do when I think about all the trust God has in me to raise this little boy. It blows my mind that He, the God of the universe would trust ME to take care of one of his children; that He would trust any of us to do that is wild and humbling at the same time.

I really feel like Satan has lodged a very pointed attack on our family's health in the last 7 or 8 months. It's unreal how many maladies we've endured: my gallbladder rebellion; David's stroke; gluten intolerance; weird blood tests, englarged spleen and now my baby's first febrile seizure. I mean, attack me and David all you want, but stay away from my son. That's what I've been feeling all weekend. I've been asking God to just bind Satan from our home and from our health and to just make him leave us alone. I know He can do it; I believe it and I will not underestimate His power to give us victory over all this mess and give Him all the glory for it.

One of my favorite passages in scripture is 2 Corinthians 4: 7-18:
7 Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us. 8 We are pressured in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; 9 we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed. 10 We always carry the death of Jesus in our body, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who live are always given over to death because of Jesus, so that Jesus' life may also be revealed in our mortal flesh. 12 So death works in us, but life in you. 13 And since we have the same spirit of faith in accordance with what is written, I believed, therefore I spoke, we also believe, and therefore speak, 14 knowing that the One who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus, and present us with you. 15 For all this is because of you, so that grace, extended through more and more people, may cause thanksgiving to overflow to God's glory.

16 Therefore we do not give up; even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. 17 For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. 18 So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

I know this is a long long post already, but the past few months make me take refuge in Christ through a song I hear often on the radio as well. It's Bring the Rain by MercyMe...so here's the lyrics just to vie for the super long post award in my blog.

I can count a million times
People asking me how I can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above
because you are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me suffering Your destiny
So tell me whats a little rain

Catching Up, Celiac and Lots of Needles

2008-04-23T12:12:00.004-04:00

I just realized I haven't blogged in forever...well okay, two weeks, but it feels like forever. I just haven't felt really well and I got behind. I've been a pretty healthy person most of my life so the last 7 weeks or so have been extremely miserable and annoying for me. It all started out with my heart racing when I laid down at night. I went to the dr. and they did an EKG and said it was fine. I've been known to produce a little too much adrenaline so they put me on a beta blocker and drew some blood. That's where the fun begins. My labs came back showing elevated liver enzymes, which prompted my dr. to draw MORE blood and schedule a liver ultrasound. In the meantime I was sick with bronchitis, walking pneumonia and some awful stomach symptoms that I won't detail here.

I felt okay after the Z-pack, but my cough never really went away and a week later I started spiking a fever again. So, off the to the urgent treatment center I went where the dr. told me that she wasn't concerned with my 100 degree temp and that it was probably all allergies. WRONG ANSWER. She told me to call back if my fever didn't go down or if I felt worse. Well a week later, I was still coughing, still feverish so I called. She called in a 10 day course of high-dose amoxycillin. That should've killed basically any bug in my body, right? Eight days into that, I still had fever at night and they did a monospot test on me, which came back negative.

Meanwhile, I had the ultrasound that showed my liver was fine, but my spleen was enlarged. At my followup with my real dr. she said she thought I could still have mono and they had not tested me for the right things at the UTC (imagine that). So you guessed it, more blood drawn. This time the results came back showing I had elevated lymphocytes in my blood, which my dr. thought pointed even more to a viral infection. The Epstein Barr virus test (for mono) came back negative, so we're stumped. She was ready to punt me to hematology, but when I told her I hadn't had fever in 4 or 5 days and that I was feeling a lot better, she decided to ...you guessed it, draw more blood. SO tomorrow I have to get another CBC with differential to determine if the lymphocytes have improved.

Oh and I have to mention that in the midst of all this I went gluten-free and it solved all my stomach issues that I've had since Zachary was born. My dr. has not yet fully addressed the gluten problem, but I'll likely get a celiac disease diagnosis before this is all over. So now my theory is that the celiac disease (gluten intolerance) has depressed my immune system so much that my body was just fed up and decided to protest by accepting each and every infection to cross my path. Eating gluten free is a challenge and at times very depressing, however, I'm dealing with it and it's been a month of strict adherence and I KNOW it's helped already.

Yes I'm still nervous about my big ol' spleen and my high lymphocytes, but I truly believe the prayers of God's people have carried me this far and He is not going to let me go now. Whatever is to come, I will face it with the Lord holding me the whole way. I pray that God answers the prayers so many of you and other friends and family have lifted up for my complete healing very soon. I know it's working! I even had the energy to cook supper last night and play outside with Zach. Lately all I've wanted to do is sit on the couch or sleep so this is a huge step.

Thank you Jesus for Cheseeeeee!

2008-04-09T10:17:00.003-04:00

I must say that from about a day old, Zach has commanded the attention of the young females at our church. A few of the girls even came to see him and hold him in the hospital. I have always joked that there will come a time in his life when he's confused as to why all the girls don't want to kiss him. He's been so blessed to have all the attention and he really LOVES it. Now that's he talking more and learning all their names, we have a new "issue." It's not really a problem, but he repeats the girls names over and over again if we even come within a mile of the Kurch (his word for church). Last night as we passed the church, Zach started asking for Cheseeeeee (Chelsea), which is understandable because she usually sits with him if we are all at Wed. supper and she plays with him a lot. We've even taken Zach to see her where she works. Each time he said her name, it got louder and longer. He really wanted to see her! I kept telling him we'll see her tomorrow at church and he'd yell "NO, I wanna see her, hold her." It was pathetically cute and I told "Cheseeeeee" on her facebook wall that if I had $100 for every time he said her name last night, I'd be quite wealthy for a day's pay.

After we got home, the routine went as usual - cooking in his play kitchen, eating supper in the real kitchen, bath, books, bed. I was holding him before putting him down to bed and we were singing songs that he likes. He stopped and said pay...he wanted me to pray. So we held hands and bowed our heads and he waited for me to start the words. I always thank Jesus for simple things and people in his life like his family, friends, books, etc. Well I was in the middle of this and he looked up and said

Zach: "mommy? cheseee?"
Me: Oh do you want to thank Jesus for Chelsea?
Zach: Yesth
Me: okay, you can do that
Zach: Thank Jesuh fo cheseeeeee

It was so sweet, then he went down the list and thanked Jesus for MawMaw (my mom who he must call almost daily), Owie (his aunt Lori) Shebeee (Shelby), Emma, Hayee (Haylie) and Kim; Jenfuh, Nick, Nina (Linda babysitter), Papaw (babysitter's husband), mommy, daddy, Ayden, Alyssa, and on and on. I was amazed at how many people he could remember by name. He repeated a few, but mostly said all original names.

I think it's great that he's learning the concept of being thankful and learning that we can pray about the people we love and thank the Lord for them. Now some people would say a two year old could never understand the concept of God and Jesus and prayer, but I have to disagree somewhat. He understands in his two-year-old way and that's all he needs to understand right now.

The picture is of him and "Cheseeeee" last fall. She took it at Judgment House on her cell phone. Oh, he's the Zebra haha