I often wonder how one comment of just five words can light my fire so high. How can the English language have that much power? That's all it took last night. I was a little worked up before the comment was handed down to my child in front of me, so perhaps that was just enough to send me over the edge. Whatever...Whatever...Whatever. I thought that if I waited at least overnight to blog about it, I would have calmed down. But even now as I start to go over the series of last night's events, I'm getting angry all over again.
Every Sunday night for many months....for almost a year, David and I cringe at the thought of going to church. It sounds silly doesn't it? We love going to church; we love being involved in many church ministries and we love our church family. That's why it's hard to wrap my mind around the feeling I have every time I have to take my child to THAT nursery on Sunday night. He just absolutely despises that room. I've analyzed it every which way I can and tried to come up with a way for him to be happy on Sunday nights. You see, Zach does great on Sunday mornings and even on Wednesday nights. He loves his teachers and has a wonderful time. I never get a complaint about him being "naughty." Sheesh how TRULY "naughty" can a two-year-old be anyway? I know they have fits and tempers and very strong opinions, but is that really "naughty?" NO it's not.
So rewind to last night. We've told the ladies in THAT room that if he cries for more than 5 or 10 minutes; it's not normal and they need to call us (because in the past they didn't call us out and he was left to scream and cry for a half-hour or more.) Ten minutes into the service, his number flashes on the alert screen. I was singing in choir so David went to get him. He said the minute he walked out the sanctuary door he could hear Zach screaming from around the corner and down the hall. It doesn't surprise me; this is getting to be an every Sunday night ordeal. When he got to the room, he said Zach was standing alone in the middle screaming his lungs out and it took him quite awhile to calm down even when he realized he was able to leave the room.
After I finished singing, I went to find them. They were in his Sunday School room playing with trucks; Zach's eyes still red. We decided to just go on home, so we made our way into the hall and talked to a few stragglers out there and I bent down to put on Zach's coat. One of the ladies from THAT room walked by, bent down a bit in front of Zach and pointed her finger at him and said "You naughty, naughty boy Zachary!" For some reason, those five words burned me up so hot. I spouted back that he was not a naughty boy just because he was crying for his parents. She started walking off and said something that I honestly cannot remember because I was so mad I'd stopped hearing her. I know I raised my voice when I told her he hates that room and it's the only room he acts that way in. She kept walking away not even listening to me. RUDE RUDE RUDE. I will not EVER take my son back to that room.
I'm still trying to figure out what I should do; who should I talk to about it. We've had issues with those same ladies before but our complaints have fallen on deaf ears; or perhaps ears that hear too many complaints that seem exaggerated or false or whatever. We came up with an alternative solution for Wednesday night so that Zach is not with them and he's completely happy...(Love you K and H Goode)!!
I know many parents who have complained about THAT room for years and many of them just don't come to church when they realize THAT room is where their kids have to go during that activity. I don't want to just be a complainer; I'm willing to be part of the solution; believe me! We need to get the parents of those kiddos involved and do a rotating schedule just like Sunday morning service. I would do it and I'm sure others would too if that meant our kids actually got played with and read to, etc. The way it is now, the workers just sit in chairs and basically stare at the kids, offering food when they get upset. I walk by there often and have rarely seen much interaction with the children. Half of the room is even dark with a TV on, which in and of itself is enough to scare a toddler (DARK ROOM....scary monsters ding ding ding). Play music, play games...DO SOMETHING!!! Just because you've "done this for more than 20 years" doesn't meant you're good at it. Maybe you're burned out and frankly just doing it for the paycheck these days?!?! Oh man, I have to stop talking about; it's just making me mad all over again.
Anyone have any suggestions?
17 comments:
That's just awful! Shoot, if we would work it out, I'd be willing to help out and watch the kiddos on Sunday nights.
Speaking of which, I need someone to cover my shift Sunday morning during the service on Apr 6th. You have it during 2nd hour that day, don't you?
I have it 2nd hour every Sunday! Love those kiddos! I have to work extended session (church service) for Zach's room every 6 weeks or so. I try to not sub other times during church because of singing in choir/praise team. The best way to find subs is to ask one of the parents. I'll look at my list of kids and see what we can find.
I have the list of phone numbers for the other 1st hour workers, but haven't called yet. I'm sure one of them will swap with me. :-)
wow... this kind of bother me too, let me know if you all do this and still need people to rotate i can skip ignite every now and then to watch them.... i always wondered why tori was weird about sunday night we may have to have a conversation when i come watch zach in april....
I am with you Aimee. My kids hated that room too and I did whatever I could not to make them go in there. I talked to the powers that be (or not be)about it twice (once with each child) and got nowhere. Good luck and if I was still there I would save Zach from those big meanies!!!!!
ah the room.... hmmm. The plus side... there will come a day when Zach will be too old for that room. Good luck and hang in there. - Kelly
you are not alone. have u ever noticed that the cornett boys were not to be found in THAT room on sunday night? the few times i have left one with them, no one came to the door and they told me to put the bag on the container by the door-where i found it when i came back. i started working some of the mornings in their place now during the week!
by the way, i have a 17 yr old and know these women. they are not burned out, they just suck at it.
Okay, who usurped me and forwarded this on to someone before I had a chance to talk to him....? hmmmm :)
So sorry to hear about the rough time you had Sunday night. I can't make any judgements because we don't regularly attend in the evening but I've heard "the stories". I think you have a great idea about parents rotating. There were some issues with a church activity Caitlin participated in recently and as I'd go off, Charles constantly reminded me not to be so critical about how others do things unless I'm willing to step up and help do it myself. Truth be told he's right (don't tell him I said so though LOL). I probably know who the "naughty" comment came from - I can hear it being said with an accent :-) - I think I may have heard that a time or two when Matthew was going through his biting stage LOL. I don't think it wasn't necessary to make the comment on Zach's level and that if there were specific issues besides the crying it should have been discussed with you and David not him. {{{HUGS}}}
michelle, normally i would agree with what charles said, but in this case i do not. the women in the nursery during the evening are paid employees. if i have crappy service at mcdonalds i feel i can complain without assuming i should start working there to be part of the solution. and this is a very real problem.
betty...that is true...I didn't really consider the "paid" factor as opposed to the "volunteer" factor like "the activity that shall remain nameless" that we recently experienced.
I think therein lies one of the biggest problems...in a church of our size, we shouldn't have a problem getting volunteers. If all the members were doing their part, we'd have such an abundance of help we wouldn't know what to do. Are these ladies members of our church or just contract workers? Are they ever able to sit in a worship service and be fed? What kind of training do they have? What kind of continuing training do they receive? What kind of "teaching" materials are they provided with for the services other than Sunday morning? Are they certified in CPR and first aid? I'm meeting with our childen's minister tomorrow night before church (his request) so I'm sure we'll talk about these things.
i think the idea of paid workers, when qualified, is great. Our church utilizes them quite a lot more than you all realize (It is how I kept Jordan fed when she was little). Children need consistency. It drives me crazy that we have extended session first and a different face is there each Sunday when we arrive.
as far as teaching materials. i personally do not think that is necessary. i think kids these days are WAY too structured activitied-not a word but i like it!
well I didn't really mean teaching as in Lessons; I guess i was just thnking more of idea lists for activities. And yes, it's tough with extended session first hour, but mine hasn't really struggled much with that. He may cry for a minute or two, but by the time we get out the door and around the corner, he stops. But then again, even those different workers greet my kid and try to get him involved in something semi fun to distract him from the separation. I know most large churches use paid workers...when I was a teenager, I got paid to work in the 2 year old classes. I know it will never be perfect though, no matter what plan is implemented. Man, I really appreciate all this discussion!!
Personally, I just would have wanted to see some encouragement for my child about how he could be worked with and what ideas the workers could have had about getting him to be more comfortable. It seems like there is not a lot of compassion and by the other comments, I'd say that it is tough. Being that our first baby is just about to turn one, I would have probably gone off and ruined my witness ... so I was proud of you for how you handled it. I have worked with VERY DIFFICULT kids before but in all my Zack experiences, I have not seen him hold a candle to those children. Kids aren't usually "bad" at that age - but they DO need to be sung to, played with, etc. NOT LEFT TO WATCH TV OR JUST EAT!!!!!! Good luck - my prayers are with you for your meeting. Much love to all the other Mommies!
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