It's been a weird week for me. I know I wasn't preparing my little bean for kindergarten or anything that lofty, but sending him off to Montessori preschool was more major for me than I had imagined. I even had to wait to write about it and pair it with a funny story to keep me from crying over it again.
It's not that I'm sad...or am I? I mean, it's such a conflict of emotion. Here is this little person that God himself has entrusted to my care and more and more, he needs my care less and less...does that make any sense? It's so amazing to watch him sprout before my eyes and see the wisdom and knowledge he's already gaining; I don't think I've ever been more proud of any one person in my life. So my tears are partly happy in nature because I know that despite all my flaws, I'm doing a decent job of getting him through his early years. But the tears are also sad because my baby is growing up and needing me less. When I was taking his picture in front of the wooden gate at school, thoughts of him getting married and having children started flooding my mind as if preschool suddenly catapults us to that time...oh please!
Z was so excited to get to school, he would hardly sit for a picture before we left. We got to school and the rush began. I could see Z looking back and forth at me and his teacher while we were talking and his grip on my hand got tighter and tighter. I could tell his anxiety was building and he kept saying "don't leave me mommy!" It was almost more than I could bare and I wished more than once that I could just pick him up and rush out of there, but I tried my best to hold back the tears and we trudged on. Once we had everything squared away and it was time to say goodbye (but not for more than an hour..you see I'd bought the wrong size nap pillow so I would have to go get that and come back). He asked me to pick him up and I did. As I felt his arms tighten around my neck I started to get weepy again ...but maybe it was from the lack of oxygen, I digress. The teacher was shaking her head no at me...I KNOW I KNOW he can't see me cry...I KNOW that...so I quickly handed him to her and told him I loved him and then once I was in the safe and private confines of my car, the dam broke and I couldn't hold back the waterfall that ensued. I cried all the way home as hard as I could. I don't know why I bothered to wear mascara to the drop off, it was gone in no time! Once I had composed myself at home I went to get the pillow and took it back to school.
When I walked in the room, Z was sitting in a circle with several kids and his new teacher Miss Christina...I was being so quiet, hoping not to let him see me since he was very engaged. Then out of nowhere a little girl says "ZACHARY, your MOMMMY is HERE!!!!" I was like "CRAP!!!" How could he have already started a Zach gang in less than an hour?! Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad that he has the ability to talk to anyone about anything and feel comfortable in most situations, but this was one time where I wished he hadn't already become so popular. He came running asking if he was going home, telling me he ate breakfast there, that he was going to take a nap there with his new blankie, blah blah blah...told ME to be a good girl and that he loved me and then basically shoved me out the door.
I truly believe that God made us to not pay attention to pillow size requirements. Some people will laugh and shrug this off...but I think he knew I'd need a reason to go back and see Z happy and content and not have to leave him with a frown on his face in a new place...I really believe my God loves me enough to give me that small blessing and I will not forget it!
Oh back to the Corn Farmer reference!! Tuesday night Z and I were on our way home from his last day at Linda's house when we hit Nicholasville Rd. traffic at SOUTHPOINT...dead stop, so there was no way I was sitting in that. We drove through Southpoint, Brannon Crossing, Ashgrove Pike to Mackey Pike to Vince Rd to Hwy 169 and I KNOW we got home faster than if we'd stayed on 27!
Regardless, we passed a huge corn field, just ripe for the pickin and here is the conversation that sparked:
Z: What IS that?!?
Me: Corn
Z: No it's not!
Me: Yes, it's what corn looks like before it goes on your plate
Now in between all these statements, he's flicking his tongue back and forth and I'm just watching in the rear view as the wheels turn at warp speed in his brain....every statement fully calculated.
Z: I will pick it!
Me: No honey, you don't need to do that.
Z: I WILL!
Me: No they have a machine for that...that picks all the corn.
Z: Where is that machine?!
Me: I don't know, the farmer has it somewhere and he'll use it very soon.
Z: I will shuze it (shuze is how he says USE)
Me: No, the farmer will use it.
Z: I will the farmer; I will be the corn farmer TODAY!
Me: No, that's not your farm and besides I thought you wanted to be a fireman (last week's precoccupation)
Z: Nah...I aready did that
Me: oh you did?
Z: yeah, yesterday I did; today I will be the corn farmer!
Me: well, whatever
Z: (random) but I will be a BAT for Halloweeeeeeen and you will be SCARED OF ME grrrrrr
I'm exhausted.
