The moon is full of cheese and well, he's probably right

For all I know, the moon IS full of cheese. It's more fun to think that anyway, right? Random conversations with an almost-4-year-old. Apparently this last full moon was the closest to the Earth the moon will be in well...a year. So it looked so huge and me and Z love to look at the moon anyway. I told him it was almost full...he asked me what was it full of and of course daddy told him cheese. I hope they don't really start taking a lot of tourists to the moon anytime soon because we are a fairly cheese-lovin culture and you'd probably get hungry on the moon. ...then in a few decades, no more moon...we will have made queso dip from the entire ball.

Dethroning the lion king

Well, some people say that when they turn 4, a child magically becomes easier to discipline...let's hope that's true for Z...and us! We have plenty of good times and I love the discovery part of this age. We also have had intense power struggles, so we knew we needed to get a hold on Z's worldview really fast. You see, in his worldview, we are here to serve him, obey him and basically let me call all the shots whether it has to do with bedtime routines or when and why we leave the house. If we ever utter a word that might not fit into his daily plan, he gives us what for and fast. Sometimes that includes hitting, screaming, stomping and various other annoying reactions.

I admit, those reactions push every button I apparently have and I have been known to yell back, spank, and probably act a little immature myself.

Well it's time for that to all stop and for the little "king" to come down from the throne. Mama has been empowered and well, I would not try to cross her my little pretty :) I'm taking the scepter back!

It started this week with a hellacious a.m. battle that went something like this:

Me walking into Z's room in the early a.m. singing (yes it was a Monday): Good morning to you, good

Z interrupting with hands over face: DO ....NOT....LOOK...AT...ME

Me: hmmm okay (walked out to go get myself ready)

I went back into his room and flipped on a light in the front half of his room....not above his head. I needed that light to pick out clothes for him to wear to school. Mind you, I did NOT say a word to him before he started ranting at me.

Z: GET OUT OF HERE, I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT YOU, I DON'T LIKE YOU, WHO is gonna be my teacher?

Me: You need to stop being so rude, NOW, that's your only warning mister. We are going to get up and get ready for school.

Z: I DON'T WANT to go to school, I DON'T LIKE MY SCHOOL; I DON'T LIKE MY TEACHERS and I DON'T LIKE YOU MOMMY!

Me calmly: oh okay, well that's too bad that you feel that way. Please get out of your bed and let Daddy help with your clothes.

Z: NO, NO I WILL NOT GET UP, I WILL NOT GET ON MY CLOTHES, THEY ARE COLD, YOU GO PUT THEM IN THE DRYER AND WARM THEM UP...NOW

At that point, I just left the room. It was very difficult to do...to stay calm and not react...not give him what he was seeking...a giant blowup. So David went outside and started the car (it was 8 degrees so it would take awhile to warm up) and Z freaked out thinking we were leaving. He was yelling our names and I didn't answer. Pretty soon he got up, totally transformed (or so I thought) and from the top of the stairs said "I'm out of my bed."

So once he figured out we did not in fact leave him alone, he went back to his ranting at which point I just told David that after he came back from dropping us off to just remove the prized radio from Z's room. When all was said and done that morning, Z had said he was going to put himself in timeout and could not get ready yet because he was in said timeout. Well we don't do timeout anymore in the true sense of the word, but he doesn't know that. We didn't have time to do the full room time that our new strategy includes so I threatened to take him to school half dressed; he didn't like that...put himself back in timeout and began hitting the walls and anything that came remotely close to him...cats, daddy, etc. David wanted to spank him but I convinced him to hold off for the time (in hindsight he should've promptly been thrown over a knee and swatted about 3 times for complete defiance).

Long story somewhat shorter...bedtime came that night and I just felt all hades was going to break out when he saw that boom box gone so prior to that I offered to cuddle him in his bed for 5 mins after we read books and he said "Really? Okay, that means daddy won't have to do it tonight." haha anyway, we got into his room, climbed into bed and then this is what happened.

Z: Where is my radio?

Me: Well, do you remember this morning before school...how badly you acted? You were yelling at mommy and daddy and saying no about putting on clothes. And, you were hitting walls, spitting and disobeying our rules?

Z: uh huh, yes I do

Me: Well, that is why the radio is gone.

Z: okay, can I have it back now

Me: Most certainly not, it's gone for at least three days..at least until Thursday.

Z singing slowly to the tune of Oh My Darlin' Clementine: Sunday, Monday....Tuesday Wednesday...Thursday, Friday, Saturday....

Z : What is today Mommy?

Me: Monday

Z now starts to sing to the tune of frere Jacques: Today is Monday, Today is Monday all day long, all day long, tomorrow will be....Mommy, what is tomorrow?

Me: Tuesday

Z: tomorrow will be Tuesday, tomorrow with me Thursday? all day long, all day long

Me: Nope, tomorrow will be Tuesday, then you have Wednesday, then Thursday.

Z: oh....oh....where's my radio

Me: I already explained why your radio is gone.

Z: I know, but WHERE is it?

Me: I don't know.

Z: you don't know? why?

Me: because daddy put it away

Z: but, where?

Me: not important, end of discussion.

So not as bad as I thought.

Cue to Tuesday morning and the tantrum-prone king reduced to a prince at this point emerges from his room...willing gets half his clothes on then begins ranting again. Told David we once again cannot react emotionally to the outburst but there will now be no Mickey Mouse or Olivia the rest of the week. This has also not been a popular punishment, but this morning was a rare moment with Z getting dressed without a hitch. We briefly had a scuffle about how many dried pineapples he was going to get after he ate his toast, but he realized he wasn't winning so he forfeited this one. Took him to school with white eyes instead of red, breathing normally...wow, not bad.

I know we are not finished the decoronation process, but I think he's starting to see he is not going to phase me with his antics anymore and that it really is in his best interest to be a subject, not royalty. I have felt amazingly liberated by remaining very calm. I'm sure my blood pressure thanks me.

Hopefully we won't ever get to the point where we have to "kick him out of the garden of eden" as John Rosemond says....but I wouldn't hesitate too much if that is what it takes to reign in this "ruler" so that he'll be a respectful, self-controlled ...and yes, sweet, child very soon.

Good Riddence 2009 :)

Well I almost forgot my password, it's been so long since I logged in...ooops. Seriously though, October and November were so jam packed with photo sessions, I barely had time to breathe. But, I loved every minute of it and I am looking forward to spring to do it all over again.

I don't think I can ever remember a year with so much grief and sorrow packed into 52 weeks as this year and I'm ever hopeful that 2010 will not follow that same pattern. We lost so many people we loved this year and though I absolutely believe they are in a better world with Christ, I still miss them dearly in this world.

So here's to you my dear friends who are celebrating a New Year and a New Life:
Angela Cox -I can still hear you laugh and I can still see your smile.
David Meade- I can still hear your wit and sarcasm and my blue office walls remind me of the work you put into them everyday!
Alecia Ward - I still think of you everytime I go to Walmart and see some choice "fashion" bloopers. I still hear your laugh and sarcasm and how you always were so interested in my life.
Joe Hughes - I'll never forget how you made me feel so at home in your home and in your family during my college years at OSU.
Leroy Cravens - I can still see your sweet face sitting at the back of the church on a Wed. night waving at me as I sang.
Malinda Bowman - Wow, I have so many memories...starting Collegiate CattleWomen with you at OSU, visiting you during your illness, seeing your positive outlook even in the worst of times...your faith has inspired me.
Jean McCoy - David's aunt was a special lady and we were shocked to lose her this week. I still remember her hugs and smiles and hospitality.

Aside from all the sadness, there has been plenty of joy....David finished his MBA; Zachary started preschool and wow is he smart. Zachary also moved up into the official boy's gymnastic's program at Legacy and WOW, he's so strong and so talented. We hope he continues to enjoy it there.

We've met new friends, reconnected with old friends and tried our best to maintain friendships with all we can. We were blessed to spend time with my mom and sister for an extended time around Thanksgiving and it was just what I needed. Made me realize once again how much I miss home.

Well friends, I hope you're holding your family close and not taking anything or anyone for granted as you go into 2010. May you be blessed beyond meausre and fully experience the grace and power of God in this coming year.!

Mary and baby....Ryker?

Our hairstylist's name is Mary and she's been cutting Z's hair since he was barely two. She's struggled with fertility but finally God blessed her with a healthy baby last week! Z's been to her salon several times during the pregnancy and we talked about the baby a lot. He's also begged me to read the Bible story about Mary and baby Jesus a lot in the past few months...it's about the only Bible story he wants to hear at this point.

So last Friday we were driving to St. Joe East to see Mary and the baby and I told Z he couldn't go in because they weren't letting kids under 18 in anymore with the swine flu being so widespread. He was miffed and didn't understand and I finally figured out why.....

Z: I want to go in with you!
Me: Sorry, they just won't let kids in the hospital right now, but I'll tell Mary you said hello.
Z: NO, I want to see the baby Jesus, mommy!
Me: Oh no, baby this isn't the baby Jesus, Mary's baby's name is Ryker
Z: No it's not!
Me: Yes, it is.
Z: No, I don't like Ryker, I like Jesus!

After awhile I THINK I finally helped him understand the difference, but he was digging in his heels pretty good on this one.

MANitude

It's pretty mind baffling to watch a boy grow up. Since I grew up mostly in a house of girls, all this is quite new to me. I didn't even know my brothers until I was nearly grown myself, so that didn't prepare me for this either. Regardless it's becoming very clear to me that boys are just boys and no one really has to teach them to be boys.

The interest in all things cars, trucks, trains, airplanes and imitating loud and proud animals hasn't surprised me. I'm quite used to Z running through the house in full lion mode trying to scare anything that will pay attention to him. What I'm not used to is the "man"itude. That's my new word for the day...combination of man and attitude...manitude :) It's the only way I can describe the next few scenarios. I think all boys adopt the manitude at different ages and mine has gotten a full dose early on. It's all prety humorous to witness, especially when you realize it's completey genetic and inherant.

We tried to go to the new Cracker Barrel in Nicholasville yet again. And again, the wait was 45 minutes, which is just a no-go with a three-year-old boy with manitude, no matter how good the mac n cheese promises to be. So we went across the road to Bob Evan's. We had explained to Z over and over again that we couldn't go to CB because it was just too crowded - our first mistake I suppose.

Before the hostess could really ever greet us, Z started talking to her and informed her that "We came here cuz Crackah Bare was too crowded." Nice, where did he learn such tact? Well she thought that was pretty funny and told him she thought he was just too cute. At which point, he put his hand in his coat pocket and said "AND...I have money!" He pulled out a quarter and a penny to show her, but she couldn't see that, she was too busy laughing her head off, along with people behind the counter who kept saying "Did he really just say that?" Umm, yes he did. Apparently no one has to tell little boys that some girls are impressed by money. But I guess I don't have to worry, no goldigger would get too serious about 26 cents, right?

Fast forward a week or so and Z is busy trying to stuff his foam alaphabet puzzle squares into a paperlike backsack freebie that I brought back from MOPS convention. The only problem was the foam squares were wider than the sack and it began to tear. Z came to me and told me to "FIX IT MOMMY!" He was distraught and there was really no way to fix it right...it was torn and I'm not going to sew paper. I kept trying to tie the cords in a way that would make it appear fixed, but it wasn't working and so then came another MANitude gem "Mommy? Do you need a man to fix it?" WHAT....I asked him to repeat it because surely I had not heard that right and besides I'm pretty much the fix it person around our house anyway. It's not strange to see me with a drill, hammer, screwdriver...whatever. So sure enough he said it again....do you need a MAN to fix it? Well, I replied, abosolutely NOT!

I managed to rig that thing up, I had to at that point. When I was finished I called him back over and said "LOOK, a WOman fixed it!"

What happens at convention stays at convention

Okay, just returned yesterday from MOPS convention in Nashville. It was amazing, uplifting, motivating, challenging and exhausting all at the same time. The music was indescribable, just completely off the charts good. It was great to spend quality time with other moms like Sharyl, Gina, Holly, Jana, Sarah, Lisa, Amber and new friend Betsy! We don't often get extended periods to just talk without being interrupted by little voices or tugs on our clothing. I think though that we all missed those interruptions and tugs more each day we were gone though. I'll keep parts of the experience with me for a long time and no I can't talk about everything because well, some things are better kept among mommies :)

While I won't go into detail about the mommy talks, I will recall a few funny stories regarding my phone calls home to Z. The first night was hard for him and he really was upset with me because I was not going to be there to hug him goodnight, but he trudged on and so did I. He kept telling me he didn't want me to be in Nashville and asking if it was far away...in his mind, him upstairs and me downstairs is sometimes considered far away, so this was a stretch. I reassured him that Deanna's mommy, Ezekiel's mommy, Eli's and Mac's mommy were with me (he knows all these ladies pretty well so I thought that would help. He was still pretty sad and I could barely take the broken up quality in his voice.

Z: Mommy, when you comin' home?
Me: Saturday
Z: Today is Thursday?
Me: yes, then it's friday and then Saturday
Z: When it's Saturday you will be home?
Me: yes, that's what I said.
Z: Are you coming home today?

That circle went around about three times, but he finally accepted it...at which point he told me he was sick, he swallowed a rock and he needed me to come home and take him to the doctor so his throat wouldn't hurt.

So Friday was a little better. I called to tell him goodnight and things were better. In the middle of the conversation it's as if a little light bulb went on in his head "OH MOMMY, Tomorrow IS Saturday!" haha, gaining such a good grasp of the days of the week.

Saturday morning, I called again during a break to see what he was up to and began telling me how his fan blade were broken and he needed to get a ladder and climb up there and fix them. How I needed to go get some batteries for the fan because it was just not working. I explained that ceiling fans don't need batteries. When he asked me what then do they need, I made the mistake of saying "electricity." I should've known that would lead into 15 minutes of question and answer about electricity....he was so interested in learning how it gets from the box in the office to the fan in his room and how it runs through the walls, etc. I was at a loss for explaination at times and just hoping he'd be satisfied with what I said. Ifinally had to cut him off and tell him to go ask daddy hahaha. Sorry David :)

When convention ended, we were on the road and calling our families to let them know how long we'd be and Z answered the phone.

Z: what are you doing mommy?
Me: Driving home, just leaving Nashville.
Z: No you're not.
Me: ummm, yes I am.
Z: No mommy, your car is HERE!
Me: OH well I'm in Miss Gina's car.
Z: you're not driving.
Me: no, you're right, I'm not.
Z: seeeee

(perceptive little cuss isn't he?)

I put him on speaker phone and told him Miss Gina and Miss Sharyl were in the car with me. He told them he could see the moon...Z: "Well part of it, part of it is lighted and part of it isn't." Too funny, I guess it was a half-moon; we couldn't see since we were about to drive into a torrential downpour.

Z asked me where Miss Sharyl was after I took him off speaker. I told him she was in the backseat and he told me I needed to get her for him. I'm not quite sure what he talked to her about, but I'm fairly sure it was entertaining.

I got home at midnight, so too late to sit and talk with Z, but I went in and hugged and kissed him in his sleep...he sighed and was so peaceful. I couldn't wait until Sunday morning. I was just really anticipating his excitement to see me...expecting that whole running and screaming mommy scenario...well, not so much.

He came in my room and then started screaming that he didn't want to get in bed with me, didn't want to cuddle with me and didn't want to see me...ugh what a let down. I told him fine, I'd just go back to Nashville...took me actually starting to get out of bed to follow through with the threat before he came to hug me...welcome home...right?

Clean Sweep...Toys R'Us, we ain't

For the past couple months, we have been dealing with a very troubling attitude from Z. He wants to be in control and every attempt we make to show him he's not, he shows us how much he doesn't like it with all the ire and contempt you'd expect from a strong-willed 3-year-old boy...plus some.

I should've known there would be issues of control from the countless nights I had to spend bouncing up and down on the exercise ball , holding Z tight to my chest as he struggled to show me he was not going to sleep. Then we hit this honeymoon phase when he was about 10 months to 15 months where he would comply with just about every request I made...don't touch that, hands off...he immediately did what I said. We were amazed that we had such a little obedient child. I think he was already starting to pull the wool over our eyes.

When he walked at 7.5 months, that should've been a clue that this child was fiercely independent and it would be our biggest struggle and probably one of his greatest traits...once he learns to use it the right way.

Lately anything we ask him to do is met with a bold "NO!" or "I DON'T want to, I WON'T." This is usually followed by crossing his arms, lower lip protruding and devil stares. Time outs and spankings and removing a few prized possessions is occassionally a temporary fix, but I knew we were coming to a crossroads where I would have to take a stand and show him he is NOT the boss...although he likes to tell me he is, literally.

So last night, we got home from preschool about 4:15 and I gave him a choice of watching Mickey Mouse or helping me fix supper. He first chose the TV but very quickly decided he'd rather help cook. He was a great helper and so proud of himself for the things he was able to do.

When supper was ready, I made his plate up for him after he chose what fruit he wanted...I scooped out some spaghetti, cut up the peaches and plced it on the table. He climbed up there and took one look at the plate and the switch flipped. He said he didn't want to eat and promptly pushed his plate across the table and threw his fork on the floor. I told him fine, and took the plate away...then he of course said no, he did want it. Well I wasn't going to have this argument and told him his behaviour was unacceptable, then told him he could either sit at the table and eat supper with us or he could sit on the stairs in time out...and that if he could not decide I would decide for him - and my choice was time out.

In short, he couldn't decide so I started to carry him to time out and he began kicking and screaming, daddy popped his bottom and took him to the stairs. Once there, he proceeded to throw the timeout timer across the kitchen and start hitting and kicking the walls. I went to talk to him about it and he took a swing at me, so then I picked him up and popped his bottom. This all just seemed to infuriate him more and so then daddy took him to his room. More banging, throwing things so right then I made a decision...it was time for the clean sweep.

I walked in his room and began to gather up his toys. At first, he stopped crying because he was curious as to what I was doing and asked about it. I told him he no longer deserved his toys and he would have to earn them back. As he watched me remove toy after toy, stuffed animal after stuffed animal and even the big fluffy rocking horse, he held onto a stuffed "boinger" ball, layed on top of it and began to sob huge crocodile tears. I almost lost it, but I knew I had to stay firm and finish the job. Once every toy was in a closet in our bedroom, I went back in and Z told me I'd forgotten some things and HE carried them to the closet...not sure what that was about because then he ran sobbing back to his room, slammed the door and started asking for his toys back.

By this time, I was sitting on my bed crying, thinking I was damaging him for life and that I would never get this mother stuff. I started second guessing myself, like all mothers do I suspect. It's hard to discipline your children....really hard.

The only "fun" item left in Z's room was his railroad crossing bank....and when he didn't stop banging the door, I went in and took that too. I told him when he was ready to talk about his actions, he could come out of his room, but he'd need to tell mommy and daddy he was sorry.

Little sucker stayed in there for about 20 mins....he missed gymnastics. Once he finally emerged he still had a little fire in him, you could tell it was just waiting to be stoked, but he did finally apologize and for that we allowed him to have one item of his choice back. What did he pick? The silly little Frische's Big Boy figurine bank. I thought he'd learned something, but I guess it takes longer than that.

I had to go to a parent/teacher meeting at his school, so I left at 6...I'm told about 10 mins later he lost the big boy bank again....sigh. Threw a wall-eyed fit in the bathtub splashing and kicking water everywhere and just had a miserable evening.

At the meeting, which once again God was showing me he's not leaving me hanging...it was providence that I even had this meeting on the night of the clean sweep, I told his teacher of our struggles the past few months and she was shocked. She said she never saw any of that behaviour at school...that he was very well behaved and cooperative. Even though I was confused by the stark difference, she wasn't. She said if he did it in both situations, we'd have something to worry about, but since we knew he could control his emotions and actions the majority of the day it was probably a case of releasing his feelings at home.

She reassured me I was doing the right thing by giving him choices and that is exactly what they do at school. She urged me to back off the spanking because it clearly was just escalating the problem and that more creative discipline was probably going to be more effective. When I told her the story of our supper explosion, she smiled and said she could give some insight...that in a Montessori school, meal time is family style. They don't fix the children's plates. Instead, they place bowls of food on a small table and children make their own choices about what they will eat and they serve themselves, then they clear the table and wash their own dishes. So she suggested we let Z try to serve himself...that maybe he has a picture of what his plate will look like in his head and then we serve it and it's "all wrong" which causes some frustration and he doesn't know how to fix it.

Just talked to David and apparently Z earned back his big railroad crossing bank this morning for being so cooperative....maybe there's something to this...only time will tell. I guess that will require patience...oh crap!