heart in the clouds

Monday, January 28, 2008

It wasn't vertigo...it was a stroke - David's battle

When the neurologist came in this morning and asked if there had ever been anyone in David's family who'd had a stroke at an early age (20s and 30s); we knew the conversation we'd just overheard in the hall about a young stroke victim was about David.

In December, David had severe vertigo during a chiropractic adjustment. He couldn't stand up; he couldn't stop throwing up; the whole room was spinning and his vision was blurred. After an ambulance trip to UK, the doctor's in the ER dismissed it as something in his inner ear. No tests other than cognitive. They sent him home with some valium and said to see the ENT within a week. The ENT said nothing was wrong with his ears and ordered and MRI, which ended up showing damage in the cerebellum area of the brain. So he was sent to the neurologist, which is where we ended up today.

I can't really wrap my mind around all this yet. I'm worried of course, who wouldn't be? But I'm also mad at the same time that the ER doctors didn't at least run some tests. They obviously just didn't think it could be stroke since he's only in his 30s. David's facing a barage of tests over the next few weeks...blood work...CT with angiogram and an echocardiogram. In the meantime, the neuro just told him to eat healthy and take an aspirin a day. It just seems that everything needs to move faster so we'll know what caused the stroke and learn how to prevent it from happening again.

So today I have no insight, I'm just confused.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Are You Scared of Your Shadow?

Today in the dark of early morning, Zach was of course telling me to get up and I, most certainly, was having a rough time as usual. He started walking backward and I warned him to stop or he would run into the open closet door (we're such neat freaks ya know). Instinctively, he turned around to see what I was talking about and there it was, big as Dallas...his shadow in the light of the alarm clock.

Intense fear and trembling set in and before I knew it, Zach was in my arms crying. He was afraid of his shadow because he didn't know what it was.

That got me thinking about our "shadows." How many times have we burrowed so deep into our dark sins that we aren't aware of the big scary shadow that might be trailing us around. If we turned around to take a peek, we might be scared into fear and trembling as well. It challenged me to keep an eye on the shadow I'm casting to everyone around me.

The Bible talks about shadows in a couple places:
Hebrews 10:1 - The law is only a shadow of the good things that are coming—not the realities themselves. For this reason it can never, by the same sacrifices repeated endlessly year after year, make perfect those who draw near to worship.

Colossians 2:16-17 - Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. 17 These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ.

Our shadows are not reality; Christ is reality and we must be found in Him and then maybe our "shadows" won't be so scary!

Happy Wednesday!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

And there was PEE PEE!

I never knew how excited I could get over the potty...until today at 12:19 p.m. when Zachary FINALLY got it at 23 months 2 days old. He pee pee'd in the potty!! The price was a mere two jelly belly jelly beans and there it was, miracle of all miracles....PEE PEE!! Now we could have done without him having his hand in the stream, but hey at least it happened.

He has been interested in the bathroom and the potty since Thanksgiving, but actually making a deposit has been elusive. You would've thought he was the superbowl winning quarterback; oh the celebration we threw. I almost broke into the Hallelujah chorus; we were singing and dancing and high-fives all around. We'll see if he can remember what he did after his nap....but I'll savor this for now :)

Saturday of a three-day weekend, can't get much better than this.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Get Up!

So I'm realizing that my toddler is very unintentionally insightful. He doesn't realize the education he's providing to us about the important things in life. Yesterday morning, like most mornings, Zachary woke up earlier than the alarm. I figured bringing him into our bed would allow us to get 15 or 20 more minutes of quiet...WRONG. When he wakes up, he's ready to go. His eyes open and that's it; the day has begun. However, when my eyes open, I just want to shut them again. We have a fundamental disagreement about morning wake-up behaviour!

As Zach was alternating between alligator rolling and playing peekabo under his new blanket-tent, David and I were trying to just ignore him. Well, he would have none of that. Zach grabbed the blankets and threw them off of me in laughter yelling "GeT UP, Mommy, GeT UP!" He says this to me a lot - when we're still eating long after his 2-minute stint at the table, when I'm replying to an e-mail on the computer, when I'm trying to watch the news, when he's finished wrestling with me on the floor, when he feels we've sat too long in the pew at church, and anytime I feel like relaxing on the couch.

There's a lot you can learn from those two words "GET UP." I thought I lived a pretty active lifestyle, but Zach has reminded me not to sit idle.

I wonder if God is sitting up in heaven sometimes just saying "GET UP," Aimee! When I linger too long in a daydream, when I don't pray or read the word, when I feel sorry for myself, when I just can't seem to totally forgive someone, when I'm holding bitterness or anger toward someone...I think He probably just wants me to GET UP and do something about it. That may not mean physically standing up, but the application is the same.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Control Lost

I admit it, I've always been a bit of a control freak. This trait carries over into every area of my life - career, relationships, leadership roles in the church, organizing trips and events and well, the list could go on for quite a bit. Most of it probably stems from my chaotic version of perfectionism.

I think I need to copy and paste Proverbs 16:9 in giant font to a large sheet of paper and tape it in several locations...the car, the computer, the mirror...you get the idea. Proverbs 16:9 states that "in his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

It's a little difficult to stop planning and stop trying to control every aspect of your life. But as my nearly-two-year-old, who is also on his way to becoming a control freak, has taught me - complete control usually is unattainable. So why do I try so hard to micro manage all the details from removing EVERY bit of lint and cat hair from my laptop keyboard to making sure Zach has on the perfect outfit each morning and even bigger things like trying to make a gameplan to move back home, when God so obviously wants our family to remain in Kentucky for now?

I think I just need to admit that control is overrated. So here's a list of things I can't control, no matter how hard I try:
  1. Cats jumping on my head at 4 a.m. and then screaming in the hall after being thrown from the room.
  2. Simultaneously having a toddler and a clean house.
  3. Getting cut off in morning traffic on Nicholasville Rd.
  4. Watching above-mentioned toddler go ballistic after being told to let go of the cat's tail, or leg, or ear, etc.
  5. Making above-mentioned toddler sit in a high-chair at restuarants, for more than 2 minutes, without screaming "DOWN, MOMMY, DOWN" as if the seat is burning his bum.
  6. People moving away and taking your favorite Sunday School kid with them.
  7. Friends losing people they love.
  8. Medical test results.
  9. Some people's internet habits.
  10. Living too far away from my sister.

Some things are quite absurd, sure, but others are so serious and I try to hold on to control until it actually hurts. I don't understand why I can't make myself see how much easier it would be to just let God have ALL of it. But no, I must have some sick obession with the stress and worry that power hungriness causes.

I don't really make New Year's resolutions, but this year I really want to worry less and trust God more in ALL areas of life. Today I think my favorite verse will be Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future.

My Jesus is looking out for me, why am I worrying about the minute details?!?!

A Blog for the Ages...umm well, for now anyway

I have tried to blog on myspace and well, it's a joke. I finally decided to grow up and get a real blog. I AM in my 30s, afterall.