heart in the clouds

Monday, April 28, 2008

Storms a'plenty

Apparently someone thought we haven't been through enough in the last several months. I tried to blog about this twice already and I just couldn't type it because it made me cry. It probably still will but it'll be good to get it "written" down. Writing always helps me sort my thoughts.

Last week, I was finally starting to feel better - no fever, getting some energy back, and so on. Well Wednesday, Zach's babysitter called around noon to tell me Zach had a low grade fever. I thought "oh great, he's getting another ear infection." She called again at 1:30 and said it was 102 and asked if she could give him tylenol. Obviously I said yes and then I called the doctor. They didn't have any open appointments so they told us to take him to the Twilight clinic at UK. We got there about 5 and his fever was back up, but higher - 102.8 this time. The intern checked him out and said he probably just had a cold. I insisted it was his ear; but she said she didn't see anything. So, we went home. I got his fever down to 101 and decided I could let him go to bed.

About 3 hours later, David and I were getting ready to head upstairs to bed and I heard Zach. I thought he was crying, but it sounded strange. I went in his room and saw him shaking, choking, eyes rolling back in his head. It was my worse nightmare; I've always worried about something happening to him in his sleep. I rushed over and grabbed him out of the crib. I was crying and talking to him and I couldn't get him to open his eyes; he just kept shaking, arching his back and gagging. I screamed for David and told him to call 911. Zach finally came back and then he was so confused and he just screamed and cried.

Thankfully the ambulance house is only a couple blocks away. They got there so fast. As I was walking down the stairs, I felt my legs go limp and I just had no strength in my body. I was holding Zach and trying to climb into the ambulance. The EMT took him from me so I could crawl in; it was very difficult. I have never felt that before. We finally got in and they strapped him down. He was so scared and then we had to take his blankie away and strip his clothes off. They took his temp and it was just over 104. The EMT tried to assure me that it was probably just a febrile seizure due to his temp and he probably had an infection of some kind. Zach finally calmed down and was listening to the sirens. I started asking him if he remembered seeing ambulances on the road and he said he did and then he said "doctor." Whenever we see an ambulance we always tell him it's taking someone to the doctor. David followed us in the car and said he kept up with the ambulance until about Southland Dr. then he got caught at a light. He still wasn't far behind.

We got to UK and the EMT had to carry Zach inside. He didn't understand and kept reaching for me. It was so hard not to just grab him. I finally got him back once we were inside and down the hall. They immediately gave him more Tylenol and weighed him. He'd lost half a pound this week; he's down to 28 lbs. even. He did so good even though we were all so scared. We were taken to the peds area of the ER where they gave him ibuprofen because his temp wasn't dropping fast enough. They attached one of those oxygen sensors to his big toe, which he hated, but endured.

The resident came in and looked in his ears and said he thought he had an ear infection. (Hmmm didn't I say that about 5 hours earlier hmmmmm). But, they wanted to dig some wax out and then let the attending say for sure. They did a strep culture and made him move his head all around. At first he wouldn't move his head, but the nurse said he had to so he could buy his way out of a spinal tap. I got very insistent to Zach that he do what she said and he did, whew. Once his fever was down, he was having a good old time in the hospital bed laughing and being himself. He kept saying he was sleepy, but he refused to sleep. Finally about 2 something, they discharged us with a prescription for omnicef that they insisted we fill on the way home (thank God for 24 hour pharms) and instructions to call the pediatrician in the morning. Zach stayed awake all the way home, eating cheerios and looking at the lights. I don't know why he hates sleep so much sometimes.

Thursday morning we called his ped. and got him in there before noon. He felt pretty certain it was a febrile seizure, but got us an appointment in neurology for Friday morning. The people in neuro were so nice to Zach and he passed his physical exam with flying colors. The neuro said he wants to just take a "wait and see" approach and not expose Zach to unecessary radiation through a CT scan and not irritate his scalp for an EEG. He said if he has another one anytime soon, we'll reevaluate. Good thing is that since he was older than two when he had the first seizure, his chances for having another before he's three or four is about 30 percent. We're just supposed to try and make sure his fever never gets above 101.5 to try and prevent it. They also wrote us a prescription for a gel that will stop a seizure that lasts too long should we need it.

I think we're finally getting back on schedule and starting to get caught up on missed sleep. Now, I'm a worry wart anyway, so this has really shaken me. I have a hard time leaving him in his room alone. I wake up with every cough or similar noise on the monitor. I thought I was going to have a heart attack the other night when the cat hacked a hairball at 5 a.m. I thought it was Zach. I've had to really work hard and just putting Zach in God's hands and trusting Him to take care of my little baby. It's the least I can do when I think about all the trust God has in me to raise this little boy. It blows my mind that He, the God of the universe would trust ME to take care of one of his children; that He would trust any of us to do that is wild and humbling at the same time.

I really feel like Satan has lodged a very pointed attack on our family's health in the last 7 or 8 months. It's unreal how many maladies we've endured: my gallbladder rebellion; David's stroke; gluten intolerance; weird blood tests, englarged spleen and now my baby's first febrile seizure. I mean, attack me and David all you want, but stay away from my son. That's what I've been feeling all weekend. I've been asking God to just bind Satan from our home and from our health and to just make him leave us alone. I know He can do it; I believe it and I will not underestimate His power to give us victory over all this mess and give Him all the glory for it.

One of my favorite passages in scripture is 2 Corinthians 4: 7-18:
7 Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us. 8 We are pressured in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; 9 we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed. 10 We always carry the death of Jesus in our body, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who live are always given over to death because of Jesus, so that Jesus' life may also be revealed in our mortal flesh. 12 So death works in us, but life in you. 13 And since we have the same spirit of faith in accordance with what is written, I believed, therefore I spoke, we also believe, and therefore speak, 14 knowing that the One who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus, and present us with you. 15 For all this is because of you, so that grace, extended through more and more people, may cause thanksgiving to overflow to God's glory.

16 Therefore we do not give up; even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. 17 For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. 18 So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

I know this is a long long post already, but the past few months make me take refuge in Christ through a song I hear often on the radio as well. It's Bring the Rain by MercyMe...so here's the lyrics just to vie for the super long post award in my blog.

I can count a million times
People asking me how I can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above
because you are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me suffering Your destiny
So tell me whats a little rain


Misty said...

Thank you for posting about this. It's exactly what I needed to get mad at Satan. He's been attacking me lately (mentally and emotionally) and while I was strong at first, before I knew it I turned into a wimp that didn't feel strong enough to fight him anymore, or to even talk to God about it.

Thank God that little Zach is okay. I can't even begin to imagine what it feels like to have a child go through that. I've said it before, but I admire you so much. My biggest weakness is how I deal with bad/hard situations and you are constantly teaching me how to be a true Christian in not only my actions, but my reactions. Now that I finally pulled my head out of the hole it's been in, I'll definitely keep y'all in my prayers.

aimeenky said...

Misty, you know I don't really feel qualified to teach anyone anything, but I am thankful that our saviour can use my circumstances to speak to someone else. I pray we both learn to trust Him in everything and that we never underestimate His POWER! Have a wonderful week and I'll see you at church!

Kelly said...

Hey lady!!! I will keep you all in prayers (including never having to use the diastat)! I know your whole world has now changed and you have new fears that far outweigh washing the pacifier after it fell on the floor. If there is ANYTHING I can help with, let me know. We actually go see our neuro in Ohio on Thursday, so we will prob spend the whole time up and back thinking about you guys. Love ya.

aimeenky said...

Kelly, thanks so much. I know you have dealt with seizures for a long time and I can finally empathize with you somewhat. I pray your neuro appt. goes well!

Kelly said...

Ah but here is the trick (and it sounds like you already figuring this one out). I have not dealt with the seizures. I just keep breathing, eating, sleeping, and waking. The whole time God is carrying me through them. Left to my own, I am not the strong person everyone thinks I am. It's all God. However, if you allow Him, He will grow you immensely through these times. I know your cry though, wanting Satan to leave your child alone. It makes me wonder the agony God went through when Satan was tempting and meddling in the fleshly life of Christ. We can learn so much daily about our God, through the precious children He has entrusted us with. Hang in there.

betty said...

i asked him about this at church last night and he said...you guessed it...yeah!

aimeenky said...

at least he didn't say "nope." that's another favorite these days

Buddy Burton said...

Hey Aimee:

I know what you are going thru. Our children are God's greatest gift to us and we are so thankful that we have two adorable (but sometimes ADHD)children on our hands. It seems that whatever Satan tries to dart at us, God is there to get us thru the "valley of the shadow of death." We are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

Thank you for keeping us updated. God Bless You.